Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Uhhh.......you contrived WAY too much from my response to you. I've not once mentioned death being sacred, that I was offended by those needing closure, claiming to know you better than you know yourself (WTF?....you are hilarious) or that a person is wrong in their desire to be thrilled someone is dead. All I said to you is that it's wrong, IMO, to go to a funeral to gloat and whatever else, while others are there to actually grieve. Those who want to do that should find another place and time to do so, apart from the funeral, and have at it for all I care. I think it would be a waste of time/energy to do so but to each his own.
I mentioned to someone else that people tend to forget that not everyone feels the same way about a person who may have passed. Leave the funerals alone, go have a "party" elsewhere. So, you are wrong in saying your need for closure offends me (again, friggin hilarious, all of your conjecture!).....it's just wrong, IMO, to do it at a funeral. But if someone feels the need to celebrate in the manner you describe.....they should find a way to do it elsewhere.
Celebrating at a funeral.....don't forget the person's parents could be there, or their children, etc. My dad has passed and his parents are still alive. My grandfather is devastated they have outlived one of their children. I can't imagine if someone had been present to gloat and celebrate, what impact it would have had on his mom and dad. Or me, or his grandkids, etc.
There are people I don't like....my ex-husband mostly. But I don't see myself as a victim of his and no need to celebrate his death when it happens. We have a daughter together, now grown, and she will be sad and grieving when the day comes (he is fairly sick now due to a long-term illness) and would rather use the time/energy to be there for her, someone who will be upset. For me personally, meh....he's just a SOB who caused too many problems to count and I won't miss the arse hole. Would I dance on his grave? Hell no, I wouldn't waste the 6 hours it would take to drive to where he lives. I won't be happy or sad when he dies but I will feel bad for our daughter. I simply choose to not care about the SOB and others like him.
Way too much ? You called me a hypocrite or did I dream that one up....
Do you have the monopoly on being right ? Or are humans as individuals able to feel differently and need different things. Good for you that you are so wise and so above mere mortals like myself darling ! Give yourself a pat on the head and a biscuit.
Don't assume that all crying widows and relatives are genuine either. A little naive perhaps.
I have no desire to upset anyone's funerals though I might enjoy a few.... I would remain tight lipped and not disrupt a grieving family. Give me a little credit. But I might also enjoy joining with others, sharing our dislike of someone in a quiet manner. It is not as though I am advocating and standing up declaming someone a total bastard by his coffin, unless I was given the green light by family and friends.
And I would love to see people who are actually honest about they TRULY feel about the deceased they often claim to grieve. It would redress the balance of what wrongs have been done by someone and bring a little justice to people who have suffered. Fake grief is nauseating.
Genuine grief I respect even if I do so reluctantly but when I KNOW someone is faking it, yes it does make me want to puke and shout from the rooftops.
The drive to my MIL's funeral will be sooooooo worth it. Satisfaction guaranteed. Trust me, herds of wild beasts could not keep me away.
I wouldn't go unless I was using it merely as an excuse to see people I haven't seen in a while. It's interesting to see people at funerals, because some people go to them strictly from obligation, whereas they refused to go to anything else involving that person, when the deceased was still alive.
I wouldn't attend. I have zero interest in the attending the funeral of someone I can't stand. If I had to do so for the sake of a friend, then I would keep my mouth shut through the entire service. It's not hypocrisy; it's politeness. It's etiquette. And for the hour or two that most memorial services last, I see no reason to make things all about me and my feelings.
Way too much ? You called me a hypocrite or did I dream that one up....
Do you have the monopoly on being right ? Or are humans as individuals able to feel differently and need different things. Good for you that you are so wise and so above mere mortals like myself darling ! Give yourself a pat on the head and a biscuit.
Don't assume that all crying widows and relatives are genuine either. A little naive perhaps.
I have no desire to upset anyone's funerals though I might enjoy a few.... I would remain tight lipped and not disrupt a grieving family. Give me a little credit. But I might also enjoy joining with others, sharing our dislike of someone in a quiet manner. It is not as though I am advocating and standing up declaming someone a total bastard by his coffin, unless I was given the green light by family and friends.
And I would love to see people who are actually honest about they TRULY feel about the deceased they often claim to grieve. It would redress the balance of what wrongs have been done by someone and bring a little justice to people who have suffered. Fake grief is nauseating.
Genuine grief I respect even if I do so reluctantly but when I KNOW someone is faking it, yes it does make me want to puke and shout from the rooftops.
The drive to my MIL's funeral will be sooooooo worth it. Satisfaction guaranteed. Trust me, herds of wild beasts could not keep me away.
Naive? Pat on the head and a biscuit? Nah...pat yourself on the head and eat that biscuit, no interest here. You clearly believe everyone is as bitter as you are about some things and most grief is fake and therefore nauseating. Whatever. So you hate your MIL, wow.....unique . I don't like mine much either but I'm not going to spar with wild beasts in an effort to not be kept from her funeral. I don't choose to see myself as anyone's victim . That doesn't make me right or wrong or give me a monopoly on anything - and the same applies to you, you are pretty insistent yourself! Do you have the corner on the market on being right? Because I have a different opinion doesn't make me naive....that's quite a leap but if it works for you, whatever.
I just choose to not give a **** about those I feel have wronged me at some point. IMO it's a waste of time. Not giving a **** about a person is more satisfying to me than the way you might deal with the same issue. I never said anything about you being wrong in your feelings.....so I'm a little confused there.
See? We just don't agree on this....so what? At the end of the day it really doesn't matter much. It's just C-D....meh
I wouldn't attend. I have zero interest in the attending the funeral of someone I can't stand. If I had to do so for the sake of a friend, then I would keep my mouth shut through the entire service. It's not hypocrisy; it's politeness. It's etiquette. And for the hour or two that most memorial services last, I see no reason to make things all about me and my feelings.
I agree with your post.....there are too many people out there who think everything is about them, including someone else's funeral. Being polite in these situations won't hurt anyone.
Naive? Pat on the head and a biscuit? Nah...pat yourself on the head and eat that biscuit, no interest here. You clearly believe everyone is as bitter as you are about some things and most grief is fake and therefore nauseating. Whatever. So you hate your MIL, wow.....unique . I don't like mine much either but I'm not going to spar with wild beasts in an effort to not be kept from her funeral. I don't choose to see myself as anyone's victim . That doesn't make me right or wrong or give me a monopoly on anything - and the same applies to you, you are pretty insistent yourself! Do you have the corner on the market on being right? Because I have a different opinion doesn't make me naive....that's quite a leap but if it works for you, whatever.
I just choose to not give a **** about those I feel have wronged me at some point. IMO it's a waste of time. Not giving a **** about a person is more satisfying to me than the way you might deal with the same issue. I never said anything about you being wrong in your feelings.....so I'm a little confused there.
See? We just don't agree on this....so what? At the end of the day it really doesn't matter much. It's just C-D....meh
I actually I KNOW many people are far more bitter than I am about things. Considering I always seem to be the one that people run to to tell me their woes and complain about husbands, wives, children, parents etc.... I KNOW for a fact that many funerals I have been to were a front of major hypocrisy. I have been to those funerals where the "public front" was one of grief and sorrow and privately one of glee, relief and delight. So don't you dare patronise me with your home spun wisdom.
Sorry to burst your little bubble of rose tinted spectacles but many people loathed the people whose funerals they attend ( and in many events have to organise being the prime "mourners"). If you genuinely can't see that monsters are turned into saints by the very nature of their death because of societal pressures then you are blind.
And yes some people are victims. And have the right to relish the demise of someone who has wronged them beyond all measure. Spit and dance on their graves if it makes them feel better. Some people are victims to such an extent that they deserve real healing closure.
If you have been sexually abused by someone for example then as far as I am concerned you have as much rights as the family to express yourself . Especially if the "mourners" were aware of the deceased's proclivities for example. You might not quite be able to comprehend this , with your head in the clouds but sometimes being honest brings closure, and can enable the healing process.
Once again you ignored the fact that I said I would not myself upset a grieving relative. But would I turn up at the funeral and enjoy the fact the bastard was decomposing and on a one way ticket . Hell yes. And I would do the spitting and dancing in my own good time, in private ( hence the hypocrisy on my part which I admitted to ).
Sorry my hatred of my MIL is not original enough. You know absolutely nothing about me, about Her or about our relationship . You have no idea why I hate her, what she has done and why I will be glad to see her Dead. Nada, Zilch, Zip.
What destroys people in life is bitterness, you are quite right. Bitterness because they are not allowed justice and a sense of right having been enacted. Injustice makes bitter. Too bloody right.
It makes me bitter than children all over the world are abused and exploited, it makes me bitter that women are raped and trafficked, it makes me bitter that we have endless wars, that we have poverty, famine, it makes bitter that we suffer environmental degradation and cultural empoverishment, it makes me bitter that the good people tend to be trodded over and anihilated by the powerful and the evil, it makes me bitter that there is too seldom justice in this justice.
Too right I am bitter. Bitter, angry, disappointed , upset, sad. It makes me grieve and depresses me. It enrages me so much that I try to turn my bitterness into positive things and do as much as I can to stand up for what I believe in , socially , politically and personally. If I was not angry beyond measure and bitter until my head is filled with indignation I would not find the energy to fight what I regard as wrong, to lobby politicians , to be active with various charities and groups.
Bitterness is what spurs me on to fight and I regard it as a good thing.
Rage and Bitterness are excellent tools I find in the arsenal of social involvement. For me anyway. It gives a real meaning to doing things I consider right.
I feel rage and bitterness because I live in a world which is so bleak and so devoid of humanity in so many respects that I feel dutybound to stand up and be counted. To be a human being and not to feel outrage ,disgust and rage is to me incomprehensible. I try to turn this bitterness into a tool for positive action so please forgive me if as a human being I also enjoy the little foible of not being able to be the "big person" when it comes to 3 people in my life.
I have not murdered either of them , never raised my hand to any and in fact been an Angel of restraint and dignified patience.
But when that funeral cortege comes along the corner I shall indeed give myself the little pleasure of finding joy, relief and a sense of closure. A big great grin on my bitter little face. Bitterness turned into happiness and closure. No bitterness no more, at least not on the personal front. So you see bitterness to me only exists because of a sense of impotence and powerlessness. Once you regain the upper hand the bitterness evaporates... Being pragmatic in essence.
And I am not ashamed of it. Because for once it will make ME feel better about something.
I seem to spend most of my life worrying and caring about other people so I shall indulge this little weakness of mine and I don't bloody care if that makes me a terrible human being.
AlwAys always attend all social functions of your adversaries praise them and give them gifts apologize publically to them
Trust me u r only one of many they have harmed
Your superiors and other adversaries
will see your good attitude u emitted how well u handle abuse
I actually I KNOW many people are far more bitter than I am about things. Considering I always seem to be the one that people run to to tell me their woes and complain about husbands, wives, children, parents etc.... I KNOW for a fact that many funerals I have been to were a front of major hypocrisy. I have been to those funerals where the "public front" was one of grief and sorrow and privately one of glee, relief and delight. So don't you dare patronise me with your home spun wisdom.
Sorry to burst your little bubble of rose tinted spectacles but many people loathed the people whose funerals they attend ( and in many events have to organise being the prime "mourners"). If you genuinely can't see that monsters are turned into saints by the very nature of their death because of societal pressures then you are blind.
And yes some people are victims. And have the right to relish the demise of someone who has wronged them beyond all measure. Spit and dance on their graves if it makes them feel better. Some people are victims to such an
extent that they deserve real healing closure.
If you have been sexually abused by someone for example then as far as I am concerned you have as much rights as the family to express yourself . Especially if the "mourners" were aware of the deceased's proclivities for example. You might not quite be able to comprehend this , with your head in the clouds but sometimes being honest brings closure, and can enable the healing process.
Once again you ignored the fact that I said I would not myself upset a grieving relative. But would I turn up at the funeral and enjoy the fact the bastard
was decomposing and on a one way ticket . Hell yes. And I would do the spitting and dancing in my own good time, in private ( hence the hypocrisy on my part which I admitted to ).
Sorry my hatred of my MIL is not original enough. You know absolutely nothing about me, about Her or about our relationship . You have no idea why I hate her, what she has done and why I will be glad to see her Dead. Nada, Zilch, Zip.
What destroys people in life is bitterness, you are quite right. Bitterness because they are not allowed justice and a sense of right having been enacted. Injustice makes bitter. Too bloody right
It makes me bitter than children all over the world are abused and exploited, it makes me bitter that women are raped and trafficked, it makes me bitter that we have endless wars, that we have poverty, famine, it makes bitter that we suffer environmental degradation and cultural empoverishment, it makes me bitter that the good people tend to be trodded over and anihilated by the powerful and the evil, it makes me bitter that there is too seldom justice in
this justice.
Too right I am bitter. Bitter, angry, disappointed , upset, sad. It makes me grieve and depresses me. It enrages me so much that I try to turn my bitterness into positive things and do as much as I can to stand up for what I believe in , socially , politically and personally. If I was not angry beyond measure and bitter until my head is filled with indignation I would not find the energy to fight what I regard as wrong, to lobby politicians , to be active with various charities and groups.
Bitterness is what spurs me on to fight and I regard it as a good thing.
Rage and Bitterness are excellent tools I find in the arsenal of social involvement. For me anyway. It gives a real meaning to doing things I consider right.
I feel rage and bitterness because I live in a world which is so bleak and so devoid of humanity in so many respects that I feel dutybound to stand up and be counted. To be a human being and not to feel outrage ,disgust and rage is
to me incomprehensible. I try to turn this bitterness into a tool for positive action so please forgive me if as a human being I also enjoy the little foible of not being able to be the "big person" when it comes to 3 people in my life
I have not murdered either of them , never raised my hand to any and in fact been an Angel of restraint and dignified patience
But when that funeral cortege comes along the corner I shall indeed give myself the little pleasure of finding joy, relief and a sense of closure. A big great grin on my bitter little face. Bitterness turned into happiness and closure. No bitterness no more, at least not on the personal front. So you see
bitterness to me only exists because of a sense of impotence and powerlessness. Once you regain the upper hand the bitterness evaporates... Being pragmatic in essence.
And I am not ashamed of it. Because for once it will make ME feel better about something.
I seem to spend most of my life worrying and caring about other people so I shall indulge this little weakness of mine and I don't bloody care if that makes me a terrible human being.
We all have our vices. This one is mine.
Look, you seem to be the one making up my mind for me. How many times have I repeated myself about my recently passed father and my uncle, his brother, and how much they hated one another? My uncle attended my dad's memorial....everyone knew he was not grieving, he came to support his family. We all know he does not miss his brother. If he had access to my dad's ashes on my bookshelf in my living room, he might do a happy dance or two around the urn. Maybe he will when he visits me next and I step out of the room to visit the bathroom, lol.
I don't care about the MIL saga just as I'm sure no one would care about
mine. Dislike for a MIL and vice versa is pretty common, unfortunately, and not too many folks would be surprised at that situation.
My head in the clouds? Hmmm.....well, I was sexually abused by a stepfather when I was 8yo and my mother knew and did absolutely nothing about it. In fact she kept him around for another three years, just for good measure I guess. Again, because we don't agree you assume I'm a dim bulb or have my head up my arse....I don't. My mother and I do not have a relationship by my choice, mostly because she belongs in a loony bin.....as long as she stays far away from me, I'm good with that. Would I let her live with me or spend more than a minute on my doorstep? Not a chance. Would I give her $20 for a taxi? As long as she was headed to the airport on a flight away from here . I just don't let her existence on earth bother me a helluva lot. I'm not bitter but I do have boundaries she'll never have a chance to cross again. Would I invite Mr. Molester over for dinner? There's not a snowball's chance in h*ll of that ever happening. Nor would I go to his funeral. Not bitter but I came to terms with a lot of things in my past, and a long time ago.
Bitterness may suit you but it does not suit me, we have a difference of
opinion. I know what bitterness could do to my physical health and so I don't go there. The first 17 years of my life were all mostly miserable and at 40, I've long had control over my own life; my life is great and I want to keep it
that way. I understand you're a proponent of outrage, etc....if it works for you, wonderful.
Don't assume people are naive or otherwise a mental cripple if they don't
agree with you, it's just not good form. The only thing I ever mentioned initially was my opinion on the OP's post on funerals.
A relative of mine (Mark) died recently of a drug overdose. It was likely suicide. I really hated the man. I saw him often at extended family events and always tried to be polite and friendly to him and often I was stuck sitting next to him during Christmas or Thanksgiving Dinner. He always treated me incredibly rudely when I tried to make pleasant small talk.
So when I got the phone call that he was dead I shed few tears. But when the invitation for his funeral came I could not wait to attend. I am not going to mourn him but will be fascinated what the relatives say about him and if anyone says anything nice about poor old Mark He treated the rest of the relatives like trash too but they tried to defer to him and be polite because he was married to a very popular cousin. Mark had a very strong confident personality and was very successful in his career, all traits that made many people give him the matter of the doubt and many people deferred to him because "he seemed like someone."
So would you want to go to the funeral of someone like this just to see how it goes and what people say? Would you go to a funeral of someone you hated but had a grudging respect or fear of? Maybe an old boss who was a very successful SOB. Because Mark is a distant relative there is no expectation of me going to his funeral.
What do you think? (The funeral is tomorrow and I may attend)
Funerals are for the living. Sometimes u go for other people.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
).....it's just wrong, IMO, to do it at a funeral. But if someone feels the need to celebrate in the manner you describe.....they should find a way to do it elsewhere. 
Or me, or his grandkids, etc. 
. That doesn't make me right or wrong or give me a monopoly on anything - and the same applies to you, you are pretty insistent yourself! Do you have the corner on the market on being right? Because I have a different opinion doesn't make me naive....that's quite a leap but if it works for you, whatever. 
