Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Reaching out to a friend is when you text/message her once. She replies, you respond. After that when she has told you no 3 different ways, it's stalking. You have argued with everyone who said she is being polite and to let it go. That is not just wanting an explanation - that is wanting someone to back you up on pushing and pushing more. And when you keep pushing, that's YOU being RUDE. Whether you're Christian, Buddhist, atheist, or witch is irrelevant to your rudeness by not stopping.
I wasn't rude, I was firm and clear with you without pussyfooting. I didn't soft pedal it, or hold your hand. That still isn't rude. Some people don't take the advice they ask for and then wonder why others get in your face with it.
But we have ALL given you "guidance and an explanation" and told you what to do.
You just don't seem to like it our answers.
I know you are disappointed, but you really have missed some social cues with her.
We are all trying to help you to see this.
Try to learn from what we are telling you and move on.
I was so disappointed because when she gave her phone number and said maybe when she was back in town for a longer time we could get together. It really got me excited and she led me to believe early along that we would get together at some point in time. That why this is so depressing and hard to fathom. Can you explain the social cues? People are stating one and two liners, but not really putting much depth into their answers.
I was so disappointed because when she gave her phone number and said maybe when she was back in town for a longer time we could get together. It really got me excited and she led me to believe early along that we would get together at some point in time. That why this is so depressing and hard to fathom. Can you explain the social cues? People are stating one and two liners, but not really putting much depth into their answers.
Sure, I can try
It's like this...always watch what people do, instead of putting so much stock into what they say.
For instance, it's so easy to mutter the words, "I love you", but really showing love for someone is often a very difficult thing to do.
So - to review....words are easy, actions tell you the truth.
When someone tells you that they'd like to see you and then NEVER does a thing to actually do it, you know they were just being polite - trying to spare your feelings.
The reality is, people WILL always find time for something they really value or want to do.
When they don't find the time, they just aren't interested.
thank you for giving me your take. I won't push her anymore about it. I'll just let her message me. However, I will wish her happy birthday on her birthday, merry Christmas etc.
I just wanted people to answer my questions without being rude, but thoroughly explaining to me your thoughts and why you think that. I'm confused right now and want answers that explain, not just state something. I came and made this thread to get help and guidance not to be put down because I'm trying to reach out to an old friend.
No, you want answers that tell you what you want to hear, not the truth. If you were interested in the truth, you'd have taken my response to you on the first page to heart.
You sound desperate and naggy. After reading more of this thread, I'll add that you sound needy, stubborn, and a bit dense. Obstinate, actually.
It's like this...always watch what people do, instead of putting so much stock into what they say.
For instance, it's so easy to mutter the words, "I love you", but really showing love for someone is often a very difficult thing to do.
So - to review....words are easy, actions tell you the truth.
When someone tells you that they'd like to see you and then NEVER does a thing to actually do it, you know they were just being polite - trying to spare your feelings.
The reality is, people WILL always find time for something they really value or want to do.
When they don't find the time, they just aren't interested.
Yeah, I get what you are saying. I just tried giving her the benefit of the doubt since she lives up in SAN Fran now and works mon-fri 40 + hours a week, has friends up in San Fran now and of course close friends and family back home. She also has a boyfriend in San Jose whose away at school down there. Thus, I know it's hard for her to juggle all that.
She wrote and tried to let you down easy, but when you insisted by mentioning trying to see her when she would be home for a longer visit she got firmer......
I go back home periodically, but it's for such a short time (weekends and such) that I usually want to hangout with family and a couple close friends for the duration. I'm sorry, I don't want to be blunt - just want to be honest about my time at home.
You still didn't "get it" and went on to write your next response, which was pretty pushy and desperate sounding:
That is totally understandable to want to use short weekends to be with family and close friends. I was thinking of getting together whenever you happen to be out here for a long period of time. Or maybe I could come visit you whenever I'm up in Sacramento? It would be great to meet up with you for lunch or something and catch up on things. In our earlier discussions on here we discussed it, but we never got around to doing it. You mentioned that we could get together whenever your back home for a long time. Plus I was thinking me, you and Tara could meet up if it fits everyones schedule.
At that point, she realized you weren't taking her hints and she decided to quit communicating with you at all.
There is no deal with Amanda. She'd rather hang out with family and close friends, a list which you don't qualify for.
Why do you need it explained ?
I think she's made it perfectly clear, no mixed signals, and no room for misinterperetation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident
What's the deal with you is the better question. Why do you think she's supposed to jump to respond? It's the holiday season, a lot of people have a lot on their plates and obviously she's one of them. You're obviously not on her priority list and she's obviously not able right now to commit to anything where you're concerned. Leave well alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
People will typically find the time to do what they want to do. She said she is busy with other people and plans. Sorry man, sucks, but that is how it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
The "deal" with Amanda is that she doesn't want to feel/be commited to any schedules that you come up with...she basically told you that.....you are being very persistant, and that's why she probably hasn't answered your last message...she's trying to be polite, but you can't seem to understand that she's busy...she's wished you well....you should just leave it at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistym
Which part of her messages you didn't understand? Let it go. If you meet great, otherwise it is what it is and like she said "I'm glad we can keep in touch on here".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette
[/list][/list] Sorry, but the above message sounds desperate and naggy--desperate because of the multiple options you are offering, naggy because you reminded her of previous discussions. She may have said you could get together when she's home for a long time, but she just told you that this is not one of those times.
The best response would have been, "I hear ya. Maybe another time! Have a great holiday."
At this point, I wouldn't contact her again. Let her contact you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313
I agree. Let it be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
No. She never does. She was trying to be subtle and not hurt your feelings. Now she's getting more firm about it. Don't push it farther than this. Give her her space and move on to other friends. Just my $.02.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
It seems she's been politely brushing you off for over a year now. I don't know the nature of your friendship or how long it's been since you've seen each other, but sometimes friendships are of a certain time and place and fizzle out as time passes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittycat40
thanks, i just want guidance on the matter with a through explanation on why this has happened and what I should do.
Your comment is an insult and shows you lack common sense considering the amount of sound contributions (quoted above) made in this thread. You are very lucky people like LM have the patience to further explain something that a 5 yr old would comprehend without blinking twice. Total waste of time...
No, you want answers that tell you what you want to hear, not the truth. If you were interested in the truth, you'd have taken my response to you on the first page to heart.
You sound desperate and naggy. After reading more of this thread, I'll add that you sound needy, stubborn, and a bit dense. Obstinate, actually.
I'm betting that I wasted my time bolding the social cues, a.k.a hints. These can't be explained text book style if that is what you are looking for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittycat40
Amanda writes
Hi Chad,
Sorry for not getting back to you I didn't realize I had messages from you dating back to my birthday! Hope you and your family are having a wonderful holiday season as well!
Chad writes
Hi Amanda,
No problem. Are you going to be in the South Bay for a good amount of time in the near future? I was wondering when you were available to get together?
Amanda writes:
Hi Chad,
I go back home periodically, but it's for such a short time (weekends and such) that I usually want to hangout with family and a couple close friends for the duration. I'm sorry, I don't want to be blunt - just want to be honest about my time at home.
I hope you are doing well and I'm glad we can keep in touch on here! Wish you and your family a Merry Christmas!
Peace and love to you and your family,
Amanda
Chad writes:
Hi Amanda,
That is totally understandable to want to use short weekends to be with family and close friends. I was thinking of getting together whenever you happen to be out here for a long period of time. Or maybe I could come visit you whenever I'm up in Sacramento? It would be great to meet up with you for lunch or something and catch up on things. In our earlier discussions on here we discussed it, but we never got around to doing it. You mentioned that we could get together whenever your back home for a long time. Plus I was thinking me, you and Tara could meet up if it fits everyones schedule.
Same to you, Wish you you and your family a Merry Christmas!
Same to you peace and love to your family,
Chad
She never responed after this last message and it was sent a few days ago. She did give me her phone number via facebook message and I did the same a few months back.
I'm chad btw for the rest of you on the boards wondering. So whats the deal wth Amanda?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
