U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 01-01-2012, 07:54 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
12,121 posts, read 12,613,182 times
Reputation: 13515

Advertisements

Kind of like how you went cold as ice on the long term friend you wanted to dump.....like that...right?
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-01-2012, 08:11 AM
 
9,717 posts, read 6,979,258 times
Reputation: 9785
Previously friendly people who suddenly turn cold as ice...would make me think that someone else has been telling them negative things about you behind your back...and unfortunately they've decided to believe it.....To people like that I would still remain civil, polite.....and just leave that ball in their court....people who make presumptions based on heresay, are hardly worth the effort to keep as friends, let alone be concerned about why they feel as they do.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 08:20 AM
 
8,394 posts, read 7,474,244 times
Reputation: 8973
If these folks are as you said, just someone you pass and greet, not a close friend I would just go about my business. I would not change my behavior, if you normally say Hi, how are you, than do that. Don't let others control your emotions, it may not have anything to do w/ you at all, seems pretty self centered to think virtual strangers emotions have anything to do w/ you.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC
2,352 posts, read 1,687,096 times
Reputation: 2924
Killing someone with kindness is an A-hole thing to do. You can't force someone to like you anymore than a guy can force a girl to have sex with him.

You've gotta just handle the 'rejection.'
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 09:03 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,702,444 times
Reputation: 1906
Virgode, you are spot on. I have found that most people with relationship issues don't realize that the very behavior they allow themselves, they take offense when it is done to them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
Previously friendly people who suddenly turn cold as ice...would make me think that someone else has been telling them negative things about you behind your back...and unfortunately they've decided to believe it.....To people like that I would still remain civil, polite.....and just leave that ball in their court....people who make presumptions based on heresay, are hardly worth the effort to keep as friends, let alone be concerned about why they feel as they do.
Another great post. I have found that life is so much easier not worrying about people who suddenly turn cold. That doesn't mean I would be cold to them. As another poster said, let them worry about how to make it right if they want to.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 09:35 AM
Status: "It's peanut-butter-jelly time, peanut-butter-jelly time!" (set 22 days ago)
 
7,003 posts, read 4,047,140 times
Reputation: 6894
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workaholic? View Post
Throughout life I have been friendly with people (not friends) who I used to chat with, smile, greet each other warmly, exchange tidbits, and generally enjoy our brief interactions. These were friendly acquaintances.

These people could be neighbors, coworkers, people at church, folks in professional associations, hobby groups, etc.

On occasion everything is going great with these people and then puff, they turn cold as ice. They go from being a friendly acquittance to just plain cold and nasty for no reason that I know of. If I said something wrong or made a mistake around them I don't know what it was.

How do you interact with them in the future? Should I ask them what is wrong? Should I turn mean and nasty myself to show them I can play that game too? Should I kill them with kindness to try to turn them around? What should I do?
I'd say it'd be time to focus your energy on other people or activities. If you think it might be you that's chasing them away, maybe you could ask someone who hasn't run away from you if there's something about yourself you should know (just be prepared to deal with the answer).
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 11:06 AM
 
Location: USA
1,320 posts, read 645,827 times
Reputation: 1354
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workaholic? View Post
Throughout life I have been friendly with people (not friends) who I used to chat with, smile, greet each other warmly, exchange tidbits, and generally enjoy our brief interactions. These were friendly acquaintances.

These people could be neighbors, coworkers, people at church, folks in professional associations, hobby groups, etc.

On occasion everything is going great with these people and then puff, they turn cold as ice. They go from being a friendly acquittance to just plain cold and nasty for no reason that I know of. If I said something wrong or made a mistake around them I don't know what it was.

How do you interact with them in the future? Should I ask them what is wrong? Should I turn mean and nasty myself to show them I can play that game too? Should I kill them with kindness to try to turn them around? What should I do?

If they matter to you and you would want to keep them as friends, you should ask them. If they don't tell you, then just give up.

If they don't matter, just ignore them.

Never play the game of being bad in response. It never pays off. It only makes the world a worse place.

Being good to others no matter how they are to you is the way to make this world a better place. It creates a loop, a feedback loop. When you are good and they are bad, they will be bad less and less (or at least less bad vibes will be spreading throughout the world).

When you are bad, then they will be even worse, and you will be even worse and so on.... Not a good game to play unless you enjoy the dark side and want this world to be dark
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 11:10 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 12,558,256 times
Reputation: 13236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workaholic? View Post

On occasion everything is going great with these people and then puff, they turn cold as ice. They go from being a friendly acquittance to just plain cold and nasty for no reason that I know of. If I said something wrong or made a mistake around them I don't know what it was.

How do you interact with them in the future? Should I ask them what is wrong? Should I turn mean and nasty myself to show them I can play that game too? Should I kill them with kindness to try to turn them around? What should I do?
Given that you have problems with your family, your wife's family, colleagues at work, and random people, you're probably doing something wrong. I think the best thing you could do is leave them alone and spare them your presence for extended periods of time.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 11:14 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 35,883,543 times
Reputation: 21592
Yes - if this seems to quite a number of people doing this, I would look at myself and see why people are reacting this way to me, is it something I tend to say, is it a tone in my voice. But if it's just certain moody inconsistent kinds of people I happened to have in my life, I would just make distance between myself and them.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2012, 11:18 AM
Status: "The whole world is a stage..." (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,881 posts, read 11,245,130 times
Reputation: 16427
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workaholic? View Post
Throughout life I have been friendly with people (not friends) who I used to chat with, smile, greet each other warmly, exchange tidbits, and generally enjoy our brief interactions. These were friendly acquaintances.

These people could be neighbors, coworkers, people at church, folks in professional associations, hobby groups, etc.

On occasion everything is going great with these people and then puff, they turn cold as ice. They go from being a friendly acquittance to just plain cold and nasty for no reason that I know of. If I said something wrong or made a mistake around them I don't know what it was.

How do you interact with them in the future? Should I ask them what is wrong? Should I turn mean and nasty myself to show them I can play that game too? Should I kill them with kindness to try to turn them around? What should I do?
All depends on how much they mean to you. You could always ask if everything is alright between you, mention how something seems a bit off. Otherwise, I wouldn't waste my time and energy being mean or nasty back to them. Just go about your day and let it be their problem.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top