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Old 01-24-2012, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,608 posts, read 13,135,231 times
Reputation: 16152

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Well it's been on my mind for 2 months. I am stumped.

Have a friend who i have known for almost 30 years. We grew up together, And though we did not hang out all the time we still had contact. Caught up from time to time with some pints.

fast forward: 2 years went by, And heard from him 5 times by texts and 2 short calls. Late last year he got into a jam. Was being evicted from his apt as he was not on the lease(long story) and his girlfriend lost her job. Started to hear from him more, Asking for money. At the time i had none to spare. Anyway, He lost the court case and had to move. On Dec 4th he called saying he had a job interview and had no money for a haircut. I offered some ($40) And 2 other job leads. Went to see him for the first time in 2 years. He seemed appreciative and apologized for not seeing me for so long. Said he was grateful and would pay me back. had an hour long conversation with him the next day. He would likely be moving to his mom's and would have no phone at that point but would contact me to give me an update on the job leads in a few days.

The dude is gone. No call, no nothing. No clue where he is. I feel used, And am trying to let it go. I think this is unfair. I blogged about it, And its keeping me up at night. Anyone been in this situation before? I never have been. it's not the money at this point either...
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:38 PM
 
Location: United State of Texas
1,708 posts, read 5,447,914 times
Reputation: 2102
Discovery number one:

That wasn't a friend.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:39 PM
 
Location: SWUS
5,421 posts, read 7,886,283 times
Reputation: 5797
Be glad it was only forty bucks and not four hundred, or four thousand.
Just consider it a parting gift.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:43 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,344,192 times
Reputation: 11862
Forty, what a weird coincidence, I had a 'dispute' with a friend over $40 last night.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:43 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
526 posts, read 832,897 times
Reputation: 544
Karma's a..... I understand you feel used, but just be glad it was only $40. God will take more from him in the long run for being so unappreciative of your kindness.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,608 posts, read 13,135,231 times
Reputation: 16152
Default One more thing...

We have a mutual connection also, So he is still living. Would hear if something happened to him for sure.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:45 PM
 
11,679 posts, read 14,420,920 times
Reputation: 19121
The guy sounds a little sketchy to begin with. Throw money into the mix and it goes downhill from there.

You're smart, D. In 2 years you heard from him 7 times, then when he needs a handout, he starts contacting you more. Think about it.
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:53 PM
 
39 posts, read 97,919 times
Reputation: 75
Just let it go. He may have scammed you or he may just be embarrassed to talk to you because he can't pay you back. If he is a scammer you will probably hear from him again when he needs more money. A scammer is unlikely to leave before the well is dry. If he is just embarrassed you may hear from him when he gets the money to pay you back. I have found it better to give a gift rather than a loan just to avoid awkwardness.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,608 posts, read 13,135,231 times
Reputation: 16152
Indeed I did not set a time to get the 40 back. I told him to let me know how he was doing, esp with the job interview and leads and was not going to worry about the 40 bucks. The phone call hurt because he seemed so appreciative, and promised to make the friendship better. I did not even get a wish for the holidays. Its like a mystery with no closure at all. I told myself to let it go, but at night it comes back into my mind. And it sucks esp now as the last 4 months and the start of 2012 have been SO positive. Everything else is working so well. And i fought with every fiber of my being to get here. I worked hard and made some goals that i thought were dead and gone.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:25 PM
 
663 posts, read 940,683 times
Reputation: 940
Never loan money, that's what banks are for. Only give the gift of money if you won't miss it once it's gone and happens to never come back.
We rarely give money to anyone outside of my kids (two are young adults). We don't do loans....if I can't hand you over the money, I just won't go there and loans are out of the question. I will not chase anyone down for money or expend any mental energy on issues like that. More often than not, people won't pay you back. There are exceptions but it's not typical. Not worth it. Money makes relationships complicated and can sometimes end them too.

Be glad it was only $40. I figure that was money well spent if that's what it took to discern your friend is a user. You lost $40 and now you're losing sleep over it? I understand the situation is not good but it's not worth the energy you are wasting on it.

Next time, just say no.
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