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Old 02-12-2012, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,319,180 times
Reputation: 39845

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
DH responded to J this morning, saying;

"Families are difficult aren't they? We love you all and would love to see you the weekend of the 25th. "

So far no response.

This is her final chance with DH trying to be nice about it. If she comes back with another passive aggressive response then he will lay it on the line.
At least he is 100% sticking to his guns about her not being able to come next weekend.

I hope she does respond to this more positively or I think we will both lose a lot of respect for her which would be a shame.

Thanks so much for all the responses!

Good for your husband

Keep us posted no how it works out
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Old 02-12-2012, 04:55 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,365,540 times
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Well we got no response from J all day.

We did however just get a text from DH's Dad saying that J called him today (surprise, surprise) and asked him why we "changed our mind about her coming over".

Apparently he told her that B said she wouldn't come if J was there.
The text (to us) also said that he's tired of being in the middle of them.... which is amusing given that he put himself there!

We responded to him telling him that we NEVER said she could come over this weekend, we ONLY said the weekend of the 25th, but she just wouldn't take no for an answer.

So this is exactly what we thought would happen - B now gets the blame and J gets to be all angry at her (and apparently with DH).

We're over it. We gave J every possibility to take the following weekend. At this point if she chooses not to come and continues the 'silent treatment', I think we will decide that we don't need that kind of negativity around us at the minute.

Unbelievable.
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,319,180 times
Reputation: 39845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
Well we got no response from J all day.

We did however just get a text from DH's Dad saying that J called him today (surprise, surprise) and asked him why we "changed our mind about her coming over".

Apparently he told her that B said she wouldn't come if J was there.
The text (to us) also said that he's tired of being in the middle of them.... which is amusing given that he put himself there!

We responded to him telling him that we NEVER said she could come over this weekend, we ONLY said the weekend of the 25th, but she just wouldn't take no for an answer.

So this is exactly what we thought would happen - B now gets the blame and J gets to be all angry at her (and apparently with DH).

We're over it. We gave J every possibility to take the following weekend. At this point if she chooses not to come and continues the 'silent treatment', I think we will decide that we don't need that kind of negativity around us at the minute.

Unbelievable.
So now that you have evidence just how manipulative Aunt J is, you don't give her the chance to play you.

Advise your husband to hold her accountable. Next time she gets in touch he needs to let her know he knows she twisted his words and tried to get his dad all worked up. He should be blunt with her and tell her games are for kids and he's not playing
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:33 PM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,132,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
So now that you have evidence just how manipulative Aunt J is, you don't give her the chance to play you.

Advise your husband to hold her accountable. Next time she gets in touch he needs to let her know he knows she twisted his words and tried to get his dad all worked up. He should be blunt with her and tell her games are for kids and he's not playing
^^^^agree. I have been dealing these types for 20 yrs. I almost think we might be related OP.
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,430 posts, read 52,425,333 times
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The answer is...let your husband deal with it. Just go along with whatever he says. And if there is backlash or whatever, HE deals with that, too.
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Old 02-13-2012, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,020 posts, read 25,479,170 times
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50$ or equivalent Bed, bath and body works gift card for every wife who stops saying DH.
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Old 02-13-2012, 08:47 AM
 
25,828 posts, read 32,811,546 times
Reputation: 31772
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
DH responded to J this morning, saying;

"Families are difficult aren't they? We love you all and would love to see you the weekend of the 25th. "

So far no response.

This is her final chance with DH trying to be nice about it. If she comes back with another passive aggressive response then he will lay it on the line.
At least he is 100% sticking to his guns about her not being able to come next weekend.

I hope she does respond to this more positively or I think we will both lose a lot of respect for her which would be a shame.

Thanks so much for all the responses!
Do you guys typically do most of your communicating by texts? I just find that to be really odd. Maybe if you talked on the phone more, you could come to a better understanding of each other?
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Old 02-13-2012, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,020 posts, read 25,479,170 times
Reputation: 11309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
Any tips on how to difuse this situation & appease J's obvious annoyance with DH (because nothing is ever her brother's fault, EVER)?
HK, I'll give you my perspective and give you a good response (for a change) coz you deserve one and only becoz it's your thread, though I primarily troll these forums merely for comical relief

I have a huge family and I've always been the lone "nice" guy, who has good relations with every family member. Primarily coz they all look up to me as the one who has made it, and in turn, I find their adulation to me appealing. Naturally, I've had to work through their various animosities and such.

If I were in your husband's position, I'll call J and tell her how much a beyotch B is and literally agree with her as to how much of a better person J is... but also cite that this is one instance where I prefer that my Dad comes to be with me at such a great time along with his wife, who never accompanies him but surprisingly does, and that am doing J a favour by avoiding unnecessary friction between J and B on the eve of such an auspicious event in "my house" with a baby on the way.

I'll also promise J to pull my Dad separately after this visit for a beer summit with aunt J without step momma B. Later I can or cannot keep the promise.

Cut J out, but cut her out so that she sees value in being cut out
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Old 02-13-2012, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,020 posts, read 25,479,170 times
Reputation: 11309
I remember a similar incident where I cut an aunt out of a family affair, she was so angry, but what I did next made her completely forget everything.

I went to her house. I knelt before her for forgiveness. Then I lifted her and circulated her house three times carrying her, as she was laughing. An obvious reference to a hindu God who did this penance for having disrespected a parent. Though all of us are catholics. She was less than 30 pounds overweight and was like 5 1, which made my job easier.

I left the neighborhood like a champ and she still loves me. Nothing works like an apology. Whether it's since or not.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:25 AM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,365,540 times
Reputation: 3950
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Do you guys typically do most of your communicating by texts? I just find that to be really odd. Maybe if you talked on the phone more, you could come to a better understanding of each other?
J won't answer the phone and DH's Dad can't talk about it when B is there.
DH spoke to his Dad about it several times before he received yesterday's text.
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