U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Old 02-13-2012, 08:15 AM
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,301 posts, read 8,311,926 times
Reputation: 8644


I can understand your point, OP - somewhat. Yes, youth and carefree times pass quickly. Many in their 20's and early 30's are focused on career and family, and are desperately seeking happiness that's elusive. The ones who partied hard in their 20's are most likely to look old and burned out, IMO - excessive bad habits can do that to you unless you're genetically fortunate.

I didn't party in my 20's (so didn't burn out from that), but I was one of the career/family people, much too focused on the traditional path in my later 20's and 30's. To a significant degree, those were wasted years - a stultifying and unhappy relationship was the worst of it, though pursuing the usual social goals was anything but uplifting.

However, I'd say that for many people - and for me this is very true - their 40's and 50's are the best years of their lives. Many have thrown off bad relationships, kids are usually older or on their own, most have had some career and financial success or stability, and know themselves pretty well. So, they are free to truly enjoy themselves and explore options and avenues they could not when younger, and can also develop more compatible and meaningful relationships of all kinds. Not everyone does or can, of course, but this is what I've seen for myself and many of my friends.

I wouldn't go back to my 20's and 30's unless I could keep all the experience and knowledge I've gained to date.
Quick reply to this message

Old 02-13-2012, 08:20 AM
Location: Manhattan
1,760 posts, read 3,559,312 times
Reputation: 2562
I'm nearly 41 now (birthday on Friday) and I'm enjoying life. You are correct that life is short--so why are you spending it worrying about getting older?

A few posters here in their twenties have written about feeling old because their peers have married, bought a home and had kids. Keep in mind that has to do with the area of the country in which you live in and the local culture. In my city, it is not at all unusual to be unmarried in your late twenties, thirties, and even forties and fifties. That's not to say there aren't a lot of happily married people here, but I guess we tend not to internalize the benchmarks that other people thrust on us.

That is your problem, you are accepting the judgments/benchmarks in life from other people. If most of your friends are married by age 30 then you should expect that by age 35 half of them will be divorced or wishing they were divorced.
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 08:35 AM
1,615 posts, read 2,206,793 times
Reputation: 801
i feel the same way. i'm one of those 'young' old people myself.

I'm 34 and i'm single, in a one bedroom apartment with a crappy job. though i did graduate from college.

I'm still into cartoons and comic books etc.

most people my age even years younger than me look older, have kids, homes etc.

i guess at least i'm not fat and i'm told i look much younger than my years, since i focus my energy on my health and wellness etc.

having the 'traditional life' is NOT for everybody. personally i can't see why you'd purposely want to have a stressful old person life anyway.

I can see wanting a good career etc that you like but why does everybody have this need to be married and have children and become old looking?
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 10:37 AM
Location: Hudson County, NJ
1,493 posts, read 2,674,134 times
Reputation: 1177
I agree with the OP on many levels.

I'm 28, look 21, act 21, and very active. Although my activity level and energy level has dropped a bit over the years, I am still constantly moving and not sitting still. My dad is also the same way, he looks great for his age, can't sit still, I'm amazed how much work he does outside of his job, a real trooper.

I also look at many classmates, and see where they are going, looking older, getting married, careers are good, having kids, and I'm starting to feel like I should be doing that too, but I can't let go of my past, the youth, not being tied down, and I'm currently in a torn state of almost trying hard to find a girl to "settle down" with. The future also makes me nervous and I think drives me to continue to behave like I did 8 years ago as opposed to "moving forward" as per societies perspective. It's a lot to put down in words, and I hem and haw between the standard for my age and what I want to do. Good luck though, just keep moving forward, make smart decisions, and think of the consequences now, in a year from now, and in 10 years before you decide what to do.
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 11:09 AM
5,387 posts, read 6,500,612 times
Reputation: 4550
Originally Posted by Michelle234 View Post

I notice that most white women my age look well over 40 and truthfully, the white guys also tend to age very fast. My ex was close to my age, but when we were together, it was funny because he looks so mature, while I look like a teen. Most people probably thought that he was my sugar daddy, especially because he's white. Never in a million years would they have guessed that he was only older than me by a year, and that we have equal levels of education.
Caucasian male here, in my early 30's but have frequently been told by others that I could easily pass for around 25, plus or minus 2 years (People always seem to think that I'm at the very least about 5 or slightly more years younger than my actual age, for some reason lol )

To give one drastic / extreme example, some years ago before I turned 30, one person at work actually asked if I was still in H.S.!! (I was prolly actually around 25-26, at that particular point in time when they said that )

ETA: FWIW, I'm in early 30's and still unmarried...ironically, if I had actually been able to, my dream would have been to marry at the very latest by 24, if not younger (I would have ideally married as young as between 18-20, if I could have). Alas, we don't always get what we want, in life... Hopefully marriage is still a realistic possibility, someday in the future though...
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 11:11 AM
7,335 posts, read 16,588,328 times
Reputation: 4567
Funny, last year I done a thread in the retirement forum called "Do You Act Your Age?" I'm going to be hitting the 63 mark in a few months and, besides some arthritis pains/aches I get, a lot of times I don't act like I'm 63! Wife colors her hair (she's a yr older than me) and I color my mustache/sideburns and temples. At home, sometimes we will watch Classic Rock concert dvd video's and I'll play "air drums" (like I'm actually playing drums, but am a former drummer) and sometimes we will dance around in the living room. When I play a dvd with Motown or Oldies on it, my wife will really get into it! It surprising what either a good margarita or a "cold one" w/ a shot of Jose' Cuervo will do to a person! On our boat, while tied up to a dock, we will be kicking back, listening to the same kind of music on cd's, enjoying some snacks and drinking a few "cold ones" when it's pretty hot. Some folks we know, in our age bracket, in our apt complex act so darned OLD.......it's just plain shocking to us, just like it's either shocking or annoying to them that we act so young! I have a VERY outgoing personality, while drinking or not. We don't drink much at our age, but when we do drink........we know how to PARTY!!

Some of my classmates from graduation of '68 look much older than I do. I was pretty shocked when I got an FB page and looked at the photos of some of them on the Reunion page that one of them created. OMG, all the gray hair shocked me!
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 11:44 AM
12,504 posts, read 16,584,283 times
Reputation: 24117
Almost 63 years here. Everyone ages differently and experiences different things. Anything I could offer may or may not be applicable for your life. In general though, stay busy and help others who need and appreciate your help. Seek professional help if you can't get yourself out of the doldrums but please don't expend your youth worrying about getting old.
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 11:56 AM
Location: USA
19,639 posts, read 14,606,950 times
Reputation: 12697
I may have had a similar attitude when I was that age, but closing on 40 with enough experience under my belt to be in the top 5% of wage earners, ok looks and a good attitude I only see it getting better!

Hang in there, persistance is everything. Strive to be better and the rest will fall in place!
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 12:00 PM
Location: Earth
24,639 posts, read 24,756,129 times
Reputation: 11318
To the person who left me a comment a minute ago: I'm just about 60, work 10 hour days and don't go out during the week, except to play cards. I live in an area where the businesses close at 6:00 pm.

On the weekends, I'm traveling.
Oh yeah, I just returned from a month in SE Asia.

Mod cut: rude.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-13-2012 at 12:37 PM..
Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 12:36 PM
4,644 posts, read 6,451,577 times
Reputation: 5388
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I just turned 26...I know it's pointless, but dread fills my heart with each year I grow older...

I look around at people my age - they seem and look so old! Some are married with children, buying houses, paying off mortgages, they're advanced in their careers. Some of the men are balding, some of the women look like they're going on 40 starting to get wrinkles and stuff. I don't envy them, but it's so scary that so much can happen in just a few years! I've heard women in their mid 20s being called old! I'm mid-20s and I still feel like a teen in some ways. I've been told I look 18. 18 seemed like only yesterday. Youth truly DOES pass in an instant. No wonder they were all living it up, it's gone before you know it. Meanwhile I'm back at home living with parents and feel and my life hasn't really changed at all in the last 10 years or so.

I know I have many years of youth left, I hope, but I feel behind the eight ball. I'm not going to let me get it down, but how many of you feel the same way?

I mean it's not until I saw photos of my friends looking so old that I realized I was closer to 30. I just realized half of my 20s have just passed me by and I'll be an 'adult adult' soon, one of those grownups on those kid's shows.

Life truly is short. And fragile, too.

I sometimes sincerely wish I'd never been born. My life seems like such a waste. All this oppressive anxiety and I've never known the simple joys of romantic love. I'm grateful for family, friends, living in a well-off country, getting to travel and having free time to pursue passions, so maybe I should stop whinging lol.
On solution to what your feeling is to start living today. go for romance yet in 2012 don't get your hopes up too much.. Romance isn't really taught to men these days.. Here's a secret that many women know but may not speak about.

As they get older the more invisible they become to some men. We men by their nature are very visible creatures. So find that mate if that's what you want and understand the reality of the biological clock. I'm not trying to be harse, I'm just trying to voice a reality.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top