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Old 10-08-2007, 07:37 PM
 
111 posts, read 392,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover View Post
Everyone else gets to enter my orbit at my pleasure, not theirs. And I only invite them to do so sparingly. I'm sometimes accused of being anti-social because of this. Damn right I am. I'd rather be anti-social than pretend like we care about each other. I don't play that game.
Very well said! I love it!!
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Old 11-09-2007, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Sunshine N'Blue Skies
13,320 posts, read 20,098,378 times
Reputation: 11645
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Your accuaintances, you will not have enough hands and fingers to count them on, but your real true friends, will be there when ever you need them, and you can count them on one hand. Do not fill your life with negative people, negative energy, people who are not going to understand the value of who you are...cuz, we enhance each other...and learn from each other...be in good faith of how loyal a friendship is.

Hugs
Creme
I love this posting Creme, even though it is" back when" that you posted it.
LOL........
It is so very true.
And for Love Pa, a really good, true friend would have been working to get the paid job for "her friend, Lv Pa" and not for her own self.
She would have said " hey, lets work on getting his a paid position for you"
........."you work so hard at this".
Although, since it was all volunteer.......I think that it was a great an honorable group. Being of good character, thats probably how Pa wanted
it to stay.
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:10 AM
 
1,727 posts, read 1,440,531 times
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I haven't had time to read through all of the posts, but when I saw the original question, my heart stopped. Several years ago (6) I had an odd tiff with my best friend of around 10 years - we didn't communicate for a couple of months - and then we 'made up'. A few months later I found that during that time, when she had been upset with me, she initiated an email dialogue with my husband and these emails went on and on about me, just horrible stuff. They did end with her saying she was feeling very jealous of me, and she wrote a poem:

poor thing
new husband
new baby
new house (mansion really)
what a life.

It was a relief to say that maybe all of the horrible things she was saying had to do with jealousy. But it was one of the worst things anyone has ever done to me ever. I dropped her and have never been the same since. (I'm glad I dropped her, but the feelings of betrayal ...).
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:16 AM
 
788 posts, read 1,919,724 times
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Goldenmom - that is awful! I am so sorry. what a hard thing to get over and deal with.
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:20 AM
 
26,313 posts, read 24,409,203 times
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I'd like to add something that I don't believe we all might consider from time to time and please believe me, I'm not talking about the other side of the spectrum...

We cannot live up to the expectations of others....regardless of what we think and feel, we have got to allow others to be who they are...regardless if we feel they have left us down.

Please Consider, the fact that I don't believe it is always what they intended to do. It's just that they were raised differently and believe differently then we do...they were taught to be who they are, and it doesn't make them a failure b/c they were not able to live up to your or our expectations...it's just simply that a lot of times, and for many different reasons, people just do not know how to react to different situations.

Consider someone you marry...you think that you love them dearly, but what we forgot to find out before we were married is the fact that, do they think and feel like we do. If they don't and they are not confident people, who feel morally the same way we do about things, and they end up running around on us, then we hate them and become bitter and mean and yes, we do have a right to feel that way, people should know how to consider the hearts of others first before they react, but cha know, they don't always know. Because they are exactly who, their parents raised them to believe, right or wrong...they did the best that they could do. And no, it surely is not fair...or right that they hurt us...or beat us, or drank...or morally, slide..but they did...and part of the problem is...that they were not able to live up to our expectations...why?

Take me for instance...

We just lost our mother and I asked my boss NOT to take a group collection, or to talk about this outside our group. I wrote them all an email explaining to them that we are a very privet family and my mother was a very humble women and this was HER wishes....we were so impressed with the nurses in Hospice that we've asked all who knew my mom, who want to do something to please contribute something to them, instead of flowers. I also asked my boss to allow everyone to do their own thing...

He was so offended...that now he is angry with me....He is obsessed with control and he feels offended if others do not think and feel like him. He also thinks because he is the boss, I shouldn't talk up to him the way I do, but I'm simply being honest with him...and express the families wishes to him, period.

But, he took offense to this? He is a controlling person and feels now insulted...sheesh....he is so unable to say, well, that is what they wish and I'm going to respect that? Regardless of what he believes or how he would do things...he refuses to allow and in the process, probably learn something as well.

I wonder if sometimes, being a friend to someone means, being a friend on their terms, otherwise, take a hike?

Now I fee awful inside...butcha know, I cannot make my boss understand and never will and I feel very sorry that because he can't understand that, we will never be closer to me...nor I him. The more privet of a person I am, the more he pushes himself on me and further away...he just doesn't get it? If I share something personal with him, he takes it further and wants to know more, instead of just saying...well, I'm very happy she confided in me...and let it go at that...

So you can't please people, and you can't expect others to be who you think they should be...what we can do is say to ourselves...well, they do the best they can....I can't expect more from my boss either. He will never understand, that the nicest thing he could have done for me, and my family, was to send a card.

I'm not talking about people who do something out of the norm, all I'm asking us all to do, is simply think about it for a moment and consider and respect the wishes of others, or the beliefs of others.

some of us are just not compatible, even in friendship...we cannot live up to the expectations of others, it is sometimes impossible to do or expect. And when we can't, we fail or feel like a failure. Expectations of others, is a recipe for disaster. That is why I am a loner....because I cannot deal with the fact that I cannot live up to the expectations of others.

I mean, I have people telling me, b/c I don't believe in the Bible, I'm an awful person...and God, I'm not saved....or, they fear hanging out with me, because I may rub off on them? Sheesh....or, even worse, I might be the devil or the devil is working thru me and I might lead them astray?

Here is another example...I love to travel. But, when ever I planned a trip with someone else, they always backed out in the end. So, I learned to stop depending on others, and simply go myself...and I had a great time.

We ask approval from others to be happy, or to approve our behavior or to simply feel they way we are feeling when in fact, I ask, do we really know what happiness is? We live in our protective little plastic bubbles away from the rest of the world (our own virtual realities) and when someone colors outside the lines, we think they're weird, or, when someone doesn't act the way we think they should, then we are angry at them....

My point is this...people do what they know how to do best....and I'm certain many of you have heard me say this before....I'm single because I grew very tired of trying to live a life, that someone else's idea of happy was....it is the same for friends....if we didnt' expect much of them, then, they'd still be our friends, yanno...

am I making any sense? We don't know how to allow others to be who they are, if they don't live up to our expectations. If we could learn to fathom, that we don't need approval from anyone else to be happy, then, I think we as humans might be further along. Meaning...well, I have to call my mom or my friend and tell them about the trip I'm taking to the Bahamas by myself. Then you call and they tell you, ohhhh my, I'm so worried about you going alone....well, yeah, but, I want to go, I'll be cautious and everything will be all right. So, now you feel badly and you might not go.

I've gone alone a lot, and I've had marvelous times and yes, there were times when I could have got in trouble but didn't. And I will never forget the happiness I felt, the completedness inside of my soul, b/c I experienced and didn't listen to the fears of others. Thank God.

Does that make sense? Does anyone understand what I'm trying to project? I'm not saying anyone is wrong, what I'm saying is, perhaps, some of our friends did the best that they could...mentally and physically and we shouldn't expect more?

I phoned a friend, the night my mother passed, or the day after, I don't remember, and I wanted to share a funny story with him about me and my sisters being agnostic, but in the end, we were all praying over my mom, reading the Bible to her while my sister was performing Raiki. Did it work, well the nurses thought so and so did we. We believed it helped make her transition easier, and in the process, she was probably gloating, and she did smile...but my friend, was actually more concerned with preaching to me about why I should believe in the Bible, instead of allowing me that time and simply listening to my story, without pushing His idea of how I should believe on me.

Just because you think one way, and I think another, doesn't make me right and you wrong, or you right and me wrong...it is though, who we are..

I dunno, just throwing out some thoughts to sit and ponder and to consider.
Sorry for the book, this thread simply evoked so much feelings from within...and right now, I'm very emotional...
so please bear with me here and forgive my forwardness if you can...sorry, did not mean to hijack the thread.


Hugs
Creme

Last edited by cremebrulee; 11-09-2007 at 07:41 AM..
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:28 AM
 
788 posts, read 1,919,724 times
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I have actually been thinking a lot about that for the last year. I have weaned myself away from a lot of relationships in my life that were bad for me - too much giving and only getting hurt in return. Most of it was family - but also a few friends.
As I get older I get more happy with me - I don't think I'm perfect - but I am much more comfortable in my own skin. I don't care as much about what others think and I am learning to trust myself more. It was making people very uncomfortable - hence the weaning.
I am a very giving person and I have had to learn that others are not that way and not to take it personally......
Everyone views things differently. Each of us sees things based on our past - we all have had different upbringings and learned different things. So 5 of us could look at the same picture and have 5 different outlooks. It doesn't make any of us wrong - just different. It's hard to adjust to - most people never do.
I have been trying to accept another view even if I don't agree - accept that the other person doesn't have to agree with me......
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,131,096 times
Reputation: 905
I ended a friendship once, about 6 years ago. I had this boyfriend through college that I was very serious about. We were together for about 4 years. A few months after graduating, he broke up with me and I was devistated. Shortly after the break-up, I got an apartment with my college best friend. (Her and I had been roommates all through college.) I very quickly started to get annoyed with her because she was constantly hanging out with the ex-boyfriend who had recently broken my heart. They would talk on the phone, he would show up everytime we went out, and I was getting a funny feeling about the two of them. All my other friends suspected something was going on between them, but I wouldn't believe she would do that to me. I confronted her on hanging out with him all the time and told her it bothered me, and she blew me off and told me they were just friends. She gave me the whole, "You don't think something is going on between us, do you? Because you know I would NEVER do that to you. You are my best friend!" (what a line of b.s.) A few months after this, I pretty much caught them red handed and found out they were in fact hooking up behind my back. I was really upset, not only had I broken up with my long term boyfriend, but I was betrayed by my best friend as well. I severed ties with her and moved on. It really showed me who my true friends were. As difficult as it was for me at the time, it really was for best. I've since gotten married to a wonderful man and have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old son. I definatley think dumping her was the right decision!
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Old 11-09-2007, 07:58 AM
 
26,313 posts, read 24,409,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I love the Bears View Post
I have actually been thinking a lot about that for the last year. I have weaned myself away from a lot of relationships in my life that were bad for me - too much giving and only getting hurt in return. Most of it was family - but also a few friends.
As I get older I get more happy with me - I don't think I'm perfect - but I am much more comfortable in my own skin. I don't care as much about what others think and I am learning to trust myself more. It was making people very uncomfortable - hence the weaning.
I am a very giving person and I have had to learn that others are not that way and not to take it personally......
Everyone views things differently. Each of us sees things based on our past - we all have had different upbringings and learned different things. So 5 of us could look at the same picture and have 5 different outlooks. It doesn't make any of us wrong - just different. It's hard to adjust to - most people never do.
I have been trying to accept another view even if I don't agree - accept that the other person doesn't have to agree with me......
Lady, you get reps from me...hugs, no big hugs and thank you
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:06 AM
 
26,313 posts, read 24,409,203 times
Reputation: 15995
Quote:
Originally Posted by sbd78 View Post
I ended a friendship once, about 6 years ago. I had this boyfriend through college that I was very serious about. We were together for about 4 years. A few months after graduating, he broke up with me and I was devistated. Shortly after the break-up, I got an apartment with my college best friend. (Her and I had been roommates all through college.) I very quickly started to get annoyed with her because she was constantly hanging out with the ex-boyfriend who had recently broken my heart. They would talk on the phone, he would show up everytime we went out, and I was getting a funny feeling about the two of them. All my other friends suspected something was going on between them, but I wouldn't believe she would do that to me. I confronted her on hanging out with him all the time and told her it bothered me, and she blew me off and told me they were just friends. She gave me the whole, "You don't think something is going on between us, do you? Because you know I would NEVER do that to you. You are my best friend!" (what a line of b.s.) A few months after this, I pretty much caught them red handed and found out they were in fact hooking up behind my back. I was really upset, not only had I broken up with my long term boyfriend, but I was betrayed by my best friend as well. I severed ties with her and moved on. It really showed me who my true friends were. As difficult as it was for me at the time, it really was for best. I've since gotten married to a wonderful man and have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old son. I definatley think dumping her was the right decision!
I do to...and same thing happened to me...it devestated me...believe me...
but down the road, I can look back and say, I'm so much better for making that choice...he and I didn't see things the same way anyway, and if it wasn't with her, it would have been with someone else...she and he, were my friends, but didn't grow up with the same morals, and now, I feel very sorry for them....cuz yanno, if they ended up with each other, I bet, they aren't happy....as my ex and girlfriend were not.

There actions could have changed my life forever, made me a very bitter person to the point that my choice might not have been so, if they hadn't done that to me. And yet, the other side of the coin is...if, you and I had done it to them, we might have changed their lives forever? Yanno....I'm glad it wasn't me or you doing the deceitful thing

hugs
creme
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 4,131,096 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Yanno....I'm glad it wasn't me or you doing the deceitful thing
You and I can hold our heads high and know that we are good and honest friends, something our ex-friends can't do. And honestly, I don't know if I would be the same person I am today if that hadn't happened to me. It taught me a lot, and in a wierd round-a-bout way, brought me to a place where I could find a guy who was right for me. Had I ended up with that ex-boyfriend, I would have a miserable life right now. We were so wrong for each other!
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