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The other day 2 facebook friends of mine got into an argument on my wall. The guy friend was disrespectful and insulting to my girl friend in my opinion and I could tell by her posts, she was very offended. I later apologized for what was said on behalf of the other person, cuz I just felt bad for her. She was like, "it's alright we're friends" etc when clearly it bothered her. It got me wondering why some people stay friends with people they dislike. I am even guilty of it. There is one person on my facebook I really can't stand, yet I have compassion for her and what she's been through in her life. She has never really been a loyal friend to me, though, rather the opposite. It's like the old adage keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Plus, really good friends are hard to come by. Is it better to just turn the other cheek and accept people for who they are? It's hard to turn the other cheek when people do me wrong. If people don't like me or do me wrong, I tend to want to cut them out of my life, as I see no positive need for them to remain connected to me. So I thought I'd post this to gain a better insight about this topic.
Extra details: I suppose another way to describe the above topic would be dealing with 2-faced people. Do you avoid them or allow them to be part of your life. Is it harder to avoid them or harder embrace them? If you cut them out, does that make you look bad?
That sounds like a personal problem to me. I dont stay friends with people i dislike. As a matter of fact, I absolutely make it clear what is tolerable/intolerable during the honeymoon stage of a budding friendship so when things go south, my reaction wont be a surprise. Ive only had to terminate friendships a few times but in general....nah, i dont keep non entities around..
I've thought about this at times. Sometimes it's a loyalty thing. What I find is that I'm friends with people I've known from school days because those friendships were generated without ulterior motives. You often wonder if you would be friends with those people if you met them today. Look at all the sites on FB that are essentially for walking down "memory lane" of a particular school or small community. I think you put up with some of people's crap because they are "old friends," that there's a lot a history and they're probably more loyal than more recent friends.
It is rather funny that I should come across this post as I was just considering this on yesterday. My best friend and I have been friends for over 20 years but during that time many things have changed and we had a huge "discussion" that left me so upset that I could not sleep that night. I am struggling with the idea that I may need to just walk away because when I asked myself why are we friends, I found we really don't have anything in common at this stage in our lives. My problem is I want to walk away but not in a harsh way. I am fearful of not having her in my life but it seems she brings out the worst in me, yet she has been apart of my life for so many years that I am not sure if I am blowing this out of proportion or finally seeing things for what they are. When she called me today I found myself angry just at seeing her number come up on the caller ID. So to answer the question as to why we stay friends with people we don't like, sometimes it is because we don't want to let go of what a relationship used to represent and we are hoping to recapture the good times we once shared with those friends. Just one persons outlook on the topic.
That sounds like a personal problem to me. I dont stay friends with people i dislike. As a matter of fact, I absolutely make it clear what is tolerable/intolerable during the honeymoon stage of a budding friendship so when things go south, my reaction wont be a surprise. Ive only had to terminate friendships a few times but in general....nah, i dont keep non entities around..
Me too. Depending on my mood, I am also subtle or frank when I don't want to pursue a friendship.
I rather have a small group of friends I like and are cool with me
I've always had a small circle of friends, and a lot of acquaintances.
With geographic moves, that circle has gotten smaller.
With my posts on this sub-forum, it's getting even smaller.
loyalty can be a virtue and it can get in the way of moving forward. I have an acquaintance, I have known her since first grade and we were kind of in the same situation so in her mind we were friends and to me she was like someone I felt sorry for, which is never a good basis for any relationship. She and I haven't seen one another for years because I moved out of the country but we stayed in touch through letters. I wonder why because I have nothing in common with her. Over the years she has not been a friend to me at all and I try to just not stay in touch but then she gets other people to find out what's wrong when I don't write back. So I give in and write back.
She's one person I can't shake. Loyalty maybe? Because we go way back? It's silly really..I don't have happy childhood memories with her in. There must be a reason why I can't just tell her to get lost in a nice way....I don't even think about it much, just now when I read this thread ...
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