Financially Supporting a Family Member?

[JanND]

Originally Posted by mamacita82

I need to know where I should draw the line. My husband's mother left her hometown to leave a bad relationship with her husband (hubby's father). Long story short: moved in with one of her children and their spouse. It's been a few months now. Hubby's mother around 60y.o., SAYS she wants a divorce but says no money to get it. Only has about $5000 in bank and expects everyone to pay her bills while she finds the perfect office job. She's in good health. I offered to get her an interview at a high class retail store, just so she can make some money to help with all her bills. She refuses, saying she wants better for herself. I doubt she will find something especially considering the job market and her age. Would you guys help her out financially (with her past due bills, health ins., life ins. etc.)? I don't want to b/c I think it's selfish of her to refuse to get some sort of work while we foot her bills. We have a little extra at the end of the month, but I am trying to save and build towards our future. Why do some people profess they can't find a job, yet aren't willing to eat a piece of humble pie to better their lot in life and get any type of respectable work whether it's scrubbing floors (which is what I do)?

You all need to sit her down and talk about her filing bankruptcy. Take her to an attorney for a consultation. She then needs to file for divorce...or they can file jointly, then divorce. One way or the other you all need to have an intervention before she has you all in the poor house or divorce court re: your own marriages. PS...If she isn't working, she better not be spending any money, that's just irresponsible. She can make the attorney go after him for cost of divorce, she will get a share of the retirement, pension, probably spousal support, half the value of the house etc.
How long has this been going on?? You and the siblings should just say Done, not paying your bills, we have our own bills. Letting her stay, allowing her to eat that's one thing, but paying bills to assume the financial responsibility for her debts is wrong.

[Koale]

Originally Posted by mamacita82

I need to know where I should draw the line. My husband's mother left her hometown to leave a bad relationship with her husband (hubby's father). Long story short: moved in with one of her children and their spouse. It's been a few months now. Hubby's mother around 60y.o., SAYS she wants a divorce but says no money to get it. Only has about $5000 in bank and expects everyone to pay her bills while she finds the perfect office job. She's in good health. I offered to get her an interview at a high class retail store, just so she can make some money to help with all her bills. She refuses, saying she wants better for herself. I doubt she will find something especially considering the job market and her age. Would you guys help her out financially (with her past due bills, health ins., life ins. etc.)? I don't want to b/c I think it's selfish of her to refuse to get some sort of work while we foot her bills. We have a little extra at the end of the month, but I am trying to save and build towards our future. Why do some people profess they can't find a job, yet aren't willing to eat a piece of humble pie to better their lot in life and get any type of respectable work whether it's scrubbing floors (which is what I do)?

What if it was 'your' mother needing a little help for awhile? Would you still be so selfish and uncaring? Do you really want to know what I would tell you if you were my wife....?
Koale

[bobtn]

How is it unselfish to expect your MIL to take the same jobs you are BEFORE asking for money from you?

The OP's primary obligation is to her CHILDREN. It's fine to help those willing to help themselves, but saying "I'm too good for that (by the MIL) " is abominable.

[Koale]

Originally Posted by bobtn

How is it unselfish to expect your MIL to take the same jobs you are BEFORE asking for money from you?

The OP's primary obligation is to her CHILDREN. It's fine to help those willing to help themselves, but saying "I'm too good for that (by the MIL) " is abominable.

I'd tell you both to go jump off a cliff...cuz Mom was movin' in...
Koale

[bobtn]

I would let her move in, but I would NOT pay her bills, until she was less stuck up about working any job that would hire her.

Truthfully, I think the OP's husband should be insisting his mother take any job in order to receive MONEY.

[mamacita82]

Originally Posted by Koale

What if it was 'your' mother needing a little help for awhile? Would you still be so selfish and uncaring? Do you really want to know what I would tell you if you were my wife....?
Koale

With that tone, I really don't care. Let me guess you're living in a parent's or friend's basement mooching off of them, right? I have the feeling you are one of those "entitlement" people as well.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by mamacita82

I need to know where I should draw the line. My husband's mother left her hometown to leave a bad relationship with her husband (hubby's father). Long story short: moved in with one of her children and their spouse. It's been a few months now. Hubby's mother around 60y.o., SAYS she wants a divorce but says no money to get it. Only has about $5000 in bank and expects everyone to pay her bills while she finds the perfect office job. She's in good health. I offered to get her an interview at a high class retail store, just so she can make some money to help with all her bills. She refuses, saying she wants better for herself. I doubt she will find something especially considering the job market and her age. Would you guys help her out financially (with her past due bills, health ins., life ins. etc.)? I don't want to b/c I think it's selfish of her to refuse to get some sort of work while we foot her bills. We have a little extra at the end of the month, but I am trying to save and build towards our future. Why do some people profess they can't find a job, yet aren't willing to eat a piece of humble pie to better their lot in life and get any type of respectable work whether it's scrubbing floors (which is what I do)?

I would not give the MIL a dime. She is more than likely not going to find that perfect office job for awhile, therefore she needs to take what she can get provided it makes some financial sense to take it. You need to do what is best for YOUR family meaning your hubby and kids.

[Koale]

Originally Posted by mamacita82

With that tone, I really don't care. Let me guess you're living in a parent's or friend's basement mooching off of them, right? I have the feeling you are one of those "entitlement" people as well.

What are you talking about????

[Koale]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

I would not give the MIL a dime. She is more than likely not going to find that perfect office job for awhile, therefore she needs to take what she can get provided it makes some financial sense to take it. You need to do what is best for YOUR family meaning your hubby and kids.

What if the tables were turned? What if you were in her shoes and needed to turn to dear old Mom and Dad...for a little while...what then? Please explain it to me simply so I can be sure to understand.
Koale

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by mamacita82

I need to know where I should draw the line. My husband's mother left her hometown to leave a bad relationship with her husband (hubby's father). Long story short: moved in with one of her children and their spouse. It's been a few months now. Hubby's mother around 60y.o., SAYS she wants a divorce but says no money to get it. Only has about $5000 in bank and expects everyone to pay her bills while she finds the perfect office job. She's in good health. I offered to get her an interview at a high class retail store, just so she can make some money to help with all her bills. She refuses, saying she wants better for herself. I doubt she will find something especially considering the job market and her age. Would you guys help her out financially (with her past due bills, health ins., life ins. etc.)? I don't want to b/c I think it's selfish of her to refuse to get some sort of work while we foot her bills. We have a little extra at the end of the month, but I am trying to save and build towards our future. Why do some people profess they can't find a job, yet aren't willing to eat a piece of humble pie to better their lot in life and get any type of respectable work whether it's scrubbing floors (which is what I do)?

Nope, I would give her a specific date that she needs to be out of the home and into her own place and hand her a bill for part of all debts concerning the home ie: gas, electric, water/sewer, groceries, other household items. If she needs money she should call her husband and tell him she needs money, they are still married.
If she wants to be picky she can be picky in her own place or go back to her husband.