U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
View Poll Results: What do your friends look like?
We have similar ethnic and cultural backgrounds with similar upbringing 7 11.86%
We are diverse culturally and ethnically, but have similar social classes/upbringing. 6 10.17%
We are diverse culturally or ethnically, but not both. 2 3.39%
We are really diverse in all aspects: class, ethnicity and culture. 30 50.85%
I never thought about it. 14 23.73%
Voters: 59. You may not vote on this poll

Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
27,165 posts, read 29,660,252 times
Reputation: 26651

Advertisements

A few weeks ago I went to a party for a friend of mine, and I met a woman at the party, and I met up with her this week for a sort of get to know you/networking sort of chat.

After meeting her, it really had me thinking a lot about friendships.

For a little perspective, I grew up in white middle class suburbia (I am black) so by default, I have always had diverse friends. The woman I met has a fairly similar upbringing to mine in most ways, and her parents are fairly similar to mine in upbringing and experiences too. So we had lots in common from that perspective.

But we had extremely differing philosophies on life and friendships, I found after spending more time talking to her.

I pick friends based loosely on similar attitudes and temperament. Some of my share ethnicity or religion. Some of us don't. Sometimes we share interests or taste in music or hobbies. Sometimes we don't. Some like camping and outdoorsy stuff. I hate that stuff. Some people like techno, some people like indie music and some people like soul music.

In college, I ended up making friends from all over, 1st gen Americans, people studying abroad, long time americans, hyphenated-americans, recent immigrants, really whoever unless of course they were the type who wasn't interested in making different types of friends.

The most critical thing my friends have in common is curiosity about how the world works. And a love for trying new things. My friends aren't very diverse from a class perspective, but are culturally and ethnically diverse. But overall, we really don't have a lot "in common" per se, other than liking to try new types of food.

But for this woman I met, the most important thing for her was really sharing a cultural and ethnic identity as a black american. And even more critical, being an active member in the black community and making and effort to improve it. These are all great goals (and good things to base a friendship on) but her philosophy also excludes any connection to "other cultures" in her personal life. She works in a corporate, largely white environment. She obviously has white acquaintances from all phases of her life, but for her being white (or asian or whatever) would take away from her goals in her personal life so she likes to stay divested from anything non-black. Almost like a black supremacist if you will (in her personal life).

It was really enlightening and interesting to me, so I thought I'd ask, what do your friendships look like? I don't have any friends like that. Most grew up having lots of types of friends, or started to appreciate when they got older, or grew up somewhere were there was only one dominant culture, so coming to the US made everything new.

So what is it like in your life? Do you strive to make all types of friends? Is it something that isn't on your radar at all? Or is it something that you haven't had an opportunity to do? Something you are starting to do?

After all the discussions on interracial dating, a discussion on interracial and intercultural friendships seemed appropriate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 509,739 times
Reputation: 385
I USE to have a lot of very diverse friends. My most recent closest circle being an arabic, spanish, and an asian female (half chinese half vietnamese). On campus, my closest circle was a black female from Haiti who spent most of her high school years in mexico, a white female, and an asian girl (korean). In my nursing school now, my closest circle is a white female, an indian male, and a hispanic female.

Right now though, I don't have any real friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:39 PM
 
7,378 posts, read 11,548,888 times
Reputation: 8182
I'm Asian and grew up here.

After college and through most of my 20s, most of my friends were Asian. Most of the girls I dated were Asian. It wasn't that I was necessarily racist. I would and did hang out with other races if I met them at work or through friends. I just tended that way because I thought that would give me the least path of resistance in terms of meeting more friends and good women (similar to your friend I guess).

That was a crock. A lot of Asian American guys are serious d@uchebags and most Asian American girls are not too down to Earth.

In my late 20s, I started playing in bands and mingling with a more diverse crowd. At that point, I was proactive about hanging with a more diverse crowd. Then I went to grad school and my friends ran the gamut of all races.

I have a girlfriend now and she is Latina. So now, I'm really open to hanging with any type of race or ethnicity just as long as they're good folk.

However, it seems to me that most people kind of want their own for their close circle. I mean, when I look at my white coworkers facebook pages, almost all of their friends are white. Mine is a veritable mix. It doesn't seem others make too much of an effort to branch out and make friends outside of their comfort zone. Some kind of do. But most don't. And I live in the NYC area too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:49 PM
 
Location: University City, Philadelphia
22,592 posts, read 12,334,192 times
Reputation: 15493
I wonder how many of you have friends that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender?

Just curious.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:52 PM
 
136 posts, read 254,711 times
Reputation: 143
I know a lot of people and I can always call some one to hang out. However, true friendships are a different story. Of my closest friends, meaning people that would be in my wedding or atleast go to my bachelor party are 5 black dudes, 1 latin, 1 jewish, and 1 asian. Interesting enough, I only have latin female friends--but they are not as clost to me as my buddies.

I am a black male.
I am also former military.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:52 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,442 posts, read 39,966,511 times
Reputation: 41908
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clark Park View Post
I wonder how many of you have friends that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender?

Just curious.

Well, Mr. Park, being that gays are only about 10% of the population, you have to give us straights the benefit of the doubt on that one. We have a lesbian friend and we "know" a couple of her friends.... they all seem like good people, never had an issue with them.

Laughed and had good times.


Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:55 PM
 
136 posts, read 254,711 times
Reputation: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clark Park View Post
I wonder how many of you have friends that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender?

Just curious.


My best female friend is a lesbian latina. I have to admit, I had to work hard to be friends with her, because I think with lesbians, they would prefer to have female friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:56 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 509,739 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clark Park View Post
I wonder how many of you have friends that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender?

Just curious.

I did, yeah. Bisexual and gay.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 10:59 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,614 posts, read 41,896,432 times
Reputation: 50444
My friends are pretty diverse culturally, ethnically, in terms of sexual orientation, in terms of religiosity, and in terms of interests.

Probably the least diversity by far among my friends lies in the fact that the vast majority are politically left-leaning. I do have conservative friends, but my closest friendships are definitely slanted toward the socially liberal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-08-2012, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
14,310 posts, read 9,067,268 times
Reputation: 9648
I grew up in Atlanta, Ga until I was 15 up until then I have many friends of different colors, sex ,etc. Most of us grew up in broken homes. These days most of my friends are of the same race, not by choice mind you I just tend to hang out with a small group of friends & we're very close. These days I have more gay,bi friends then I did growing up. Out of all my friends I do believe I am the only one who was raised on the streets most of them had a good education & came from decent homes. What we do have in common is that our home life wasn't as good as it should have been. All our parents were divorced. & treated the dog better. Living out west I had more friends who was culturally different then what I was used to when I was young. As far as religion goes we all pretty much believe the same thing expect my best friend and he is
evangelical Chrisitan, the rest of us are pagan for the most part. Religions is hardly brought up between us seeing that we all accept each other as they are & as they believe.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top