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Unread 04-10-2012, 11:49 AM
 
2,340 posts, read 1,773,945 times
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Default How to make friends

How do people make friends ?

I know .... if you want to have a friend, you must bee one. I've tried that. So what if you're someone who whenever you try to help people out (like helping them move or something) you get so nervous you always end up screwing stuff up (like breaking their plastic shed which they had to take an hour to fix up and so you are never invited to help anybody else move ever again). How can you bee a friend then ?

And what if you're someone who's only way he feels comfortable interacting with people socially is being a clown & being annoying & acting wierd. People get tired of that fast, and they get tired of me, and they don't ever want to hang out with me. Nobody wants to be my friend because I just can't interact with people normally.

And what if you're scared of bedbugs and disease and so you don't want to help people at homeless shelters and stuff like that, you've tried it in the past, but were so uncomfortable that it just made stuff worse.

My therapist isn't being any help whatsoever in this topic. Actually, I don't think he does anything at all other than taking my money. He claims I am "practicing" social interaction by seeing him, but I don't see it. I've never had trouble "interacting" with authority figures in a formalized setting. It's interacting socially with people in informal settings that is something I have no skill at whatsoever.

It just seems like it's so easy for everyone else to make friends, but I haven't had a friend in 17 years.
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Unread 04-10-2012, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Morrisville, NC
2,867 posts, read 2,243,613 times
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I'm in a similar boat. I can talk to people at work fine and people like me, think I'm nice, whatever, but I just lack the ability to keep any friendship going. Like, I just don't know how to deal with people and just move from one superficial "friendship" to another.
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Unread 04-10-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
11,755 posts, read 8,491,342 times
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A real friendship shouldn't be too superficial, though. The best way to make friends is to do things that interest you, but if what interests you is staying at home and never talking to people, then that's not going to work. Like in a romantic relationship, you do have to put yourself out there.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
A real friendship shouldn't be too superficial, though. The best way to make friends is to do things that interest you, but if what interests you is staying at home and never talking to people, then that's not going to work. Like in a romantic relationship, you do have to put yourself out there.
There's nothing to do here in this dump. I've tried volunteering, but all I did is make mistakes and I was uncomfortable because of bedbugs and tuberculosis and stuff like that. Also, I didn't make any friends doing that. People who don't have the kind of social anxiety I have do not understand how difficult it is. Even when I'm around people doing activities, I just clam up and keep to myself. Or if there is someone I feel comfortable around, I start to clown around and annoy them. Annoying people is the only way I know how to comfortably interact with people.

Look, people just don't like me. And I mumble and refuse to make eye contact because I'm scared and that just makes them have no interest in getting to know me at all. Those that do get interested quickly find me annoying because I start acting annoying. I can't help it. Anytime I get comfortable enough to talk to someone I start acting strange and doing dumb stuff.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:47 PM
 
1,592 posts, read 1,380,386 times
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Learn to do stuff you like on your own. Learn to be alone. You will meet friends in the course of your travels, you can't force it. Mostly go out and do stuff and learn to be happy by yourself.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 48,960,319 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros View Post
My therapist isn't being any help whatsoever in this topic.
Did you expect anything different...? This was just another position the Sick Mafia created in order to relieve poor saps of their money.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:49 PM
 
4,907 posts, read 2,083,679 times
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It sounds like some sort of SAD, social anxiety disorder. I think there is some cognitive behavioral therapy that has been fairly succesful helping people in your situation. If you feel that your therapist isnt helping you much, find another therapist. One advice I can give is to try to meet people through your hobbies. Find new hobbies or develop the ones you have, through singing up for a class or group meetings of sorts. Maybe sports or arts? Dont focus so much on making friends, but rather on your common activities and more often or not you will find yourself with a new circle of friends with plenty in common. See, if you can focus and talk about something you enjoy and you both have in common, its alot easier for friendships to develop instead of focusing and stressing on making new friends and in the process sending awkward negative signals that no one wants to be around. Most importantly, get busy with life and dont spend time on the couch trying to so.lve your problems while isolating yourself from the world. Best of Luck!
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:51 PM
 
14,756 posts, read 12,123,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1208 View Post
Learn to do stuff you like on your own. Learn to be alone. You will meet friends in the course of your travels, you can't force it. Mostly go out and do stuff and learn to be happy by yourself.
Wow. For once, I agree with you.

Also, if a person moves into a new metro area, some people might have done HS/college there and are content with their circle of friends. One friend was telling me he was having lunch with a co-worker in one city in the West, and she spouted out that she went to this "cool" HS and to the local urban university, and did NOT need to know new people.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
11,755 posts, read 8,491,342 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Did you expect anything different...? This was just another position the Sick Mafia created in order to relieve poor saps of their money.
So for someone who's so anxious that he can't have a normal human interaction, what would your suggestion be?
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Unread 04-13-2012, 03:02 PM
 
2,340 posts, read 1,773,945 times
Reputation: 1588
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1208 View Post
Learn to do stuff you like on your own. Learn to be alone. You will meet friends in the course of your travels, you can't force it. Mostly go out and do stuff and learn to be happy by yourself.
I haven't met a friend in 17 years. Well, maybe one. But he's friends with literally everybody else at work too.
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