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Old 05-03-2012, 08:40 AM
 
4,158 posts, read 2,322,770 times
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Default The friend who wont go anywhere without her boyfriend

Do you have a friend who won't do anything social without their SO/boyfriend/girlfriend? Anytime there is a group outing of friends to the bar, club, bowling, dinner, etc they cant fathom going solo. They will cancel plans based on what the other is doing, will make up excuses to sit at home and do nothing rather than venture out seemingly single.

How do you deal with these people without flipping out (have lost it a few times with this particular person)?
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:43 AM
 
674 posts, read 455,160 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
Do you have a friend who won't do anything social without their SO/boyfriend/girlfriend? Anytime there is a group outing of friends to the bar, club, bowling, dinner, etc they cant fathom going solo. They will cancel plans based on what the other is doing, will make up excuses to sit at home and do nothing rather than venture out seemingly single.

How do you deal with these people without flipping out (have lost it a few times with this particular person)?
That's fairly common actually. That's what happens typically when someone gets married, but it does happen often in just the relationship stage.

In my experience: I just see it as a sign that it's time to start making new friends.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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There are women (And men) like that. I don't understand them. She treats her S/O as if he were her oxygen supply. Then when the man breaks things off, she can't understand why there are no friends around to help her pick up the pieces.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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You have to let it go.

I have certainly lost friends this way. It used to frustrate me.... but some people are just so insecure or so absorbed by their relationships that there isn't the same room for friends.

It's kind of sad, because many of these relationships fail.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Delaware
868 posts, read 715,873 times
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I think that's somewhat common, it seems especially true as we age. You really have to feel sorry for these people because when their spouse or SO passes away they are so lost. They are trying to deal with their loss while attempting to make contact with old friends they have lost touch with.
I think people that live their life that way have issues with their identity and for some reason feel incomplete without their spouse or SO. I think those relationships are doomed to fail as I know that in my case it would drive me nuts. Married or relationship doesn't really matter you don't need to be up each others butt.
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Old 05-03-2012, 09:52 AM
 
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i have a friend dating a woman 5 years older, he hasnt really had much dating experience.. he is so obsessed its annoying as hell. I just cant even imagine from the women's point of view dating a guy 5 years younger and him being attached to u in that way.... must feel like baby sitting
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Old 05-03-2012, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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I get over it and accept the situation for what it is. If I really like this friend but they insist their mate tag along, I either make accomodations for the mate, or change plans.
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Old 05-03-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Location: in Mary Ann and Ginger's hut
639 posts, read 319,839 times
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there are insecure people, there are occasionally posts on this forum "can I go to a bar/restaurant alone" etc
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Old 05-03-2012, 10:07 AM
 
24,143 posts, read 24,513,071 times
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Hell, my mother is that way.

My father passed away in 1984 and she moped around for about five years. But once she acquired a boyfriend, everything else in her life took a back seat--particularly her family. Even today, if she is delivering a birthday present for one of her grandchildren, she pulls into the driveway, honks the horn, hands the present out the window and zooms away--because she's always doing something with David, her married boyfriend. I'll invite her in to socialize, but no dice. She might as well just fling it onto the front lawn as if she were the cotton-picking paperboy.

Mind you, my mother lives five miles from us and has never attended a single soccer game, lacrosse game, band concert or anything else that her grandchildren are doing. Yet she'll drop everything and drive cross-country with her married boyfriend if there is any kind of social event in David's life. My mother, who was always a warm and funny soul, can't even have a one-on-one conversation with me on the phone anymore because the married boyfriend always picks up on the extension and listens in, throwing out odd remarks now and then.

Last weekend, MrsCPG and I went out of town for a four-day trip to Chicago. Two months in advance, I asked her if she would mind staying with our three kids. Mind you, I've never asked this of her in 17 years of raising children, and only asked her to watch our kids a handful of times because she looks on it as an imposition. She hemmed and hawed about it, chiefly because she was worried her married boyfriend might want her to do something that weekend.

I'll never do that again. According to my kids, she could barely stay at the house and bitched the entire time about it because she wasn't going to some fool party. Our kids were scheduled to serve in church this past Sunday at the youth service, with my daughter doing the readings, and she complained about having to attend our church as opposed to her own. Heck, our flight was delayed by 30 MINUTES on Monday, and she couldn't even stick around for us to pull into the driveway. She just picked up my thirteen-year-old from school, dumped him off at home, and practically burned rubber out of the driveway like something out of the Dukes of Hazzard. Why? Because she hadn't really seen her married boyfriend in four days.

My wife just can't wrap her head around this kind of behavior. To her, she thinks its sad that my mother can't manage to find time in her incredibly open schedule to know her intelligent, funny, creative, and talented grandchildren. To be honest, I shouldn't be able to, but she's been my mother all my life. I guess I should be used to it by now.

Last edited by cpg35223; 05-03-2012 at 10:18 AM..
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Old 05-04-2012, 04:23 AM
 
Location: Mile High City
10,132 posts, read 10,332,538 times
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Yes and I had to let that relationship end. I understand you're married but give me a break. When your whole existance in this world is your husband and you have no personal identity, then that's pretty pathetic.
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