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That's just silly - spend the money to go out of town just to avoid having someone upset with you??
No, these are excuses (after talks have failed) for him to spend the day making his own wife (and himself, child) happy on Mother's Day rather than being stressed out trying to cater to everyone else and then dealing with the aftermath. I get it that you do not like this strategy.
I do not find the need to be brutally honest to all party hosts when another event trumps theirs. I would not tell a host I have a better party to go to. And I would not tell my mom, on Mother's Day, that I would rather be somewhere else. The point of the white lie is to protect people's feelings.
Your profile says you have a daughter. Unless she's from a previous marriage, that means your wife is a mother. That means you and your daughter spend the day with your wife, and you and your wife send your own mothers flowers. That's what that whole "cleaving unto each other" bit in the wedding ceremony is about.
If you want to make up for it, have both sets of parents come over for a little party for Grandparents' Day. That's in September. Both mothers should be over their drama by then.
No, these are excuses (after talks have failed) for him to spend the day making his own wife (and himself, child) happy on Mother's Day rather than being stressed out trying to cater to everyone else and then dealing with the aftermath. I get it that you do not like this strategy.
I do not find the need to be brutally honest to all party hosts when another event trumps theirs. I would not tell a host I have a better party to go to. And I would not tell my mom, on Mother's Day, that I would rather be somewhere else. The point of the white lie is to protect people's feelings.
I don't like it because it lacks honesty and integrity.
Being "brutally honest" doesn't mean you speak unkindly or rudely to anyone.
And I would never advise or suggest to anyone that they should tell their mother they'd "rather be somewhere else" than with her.
But once a man is married and has a family of his own, he needs to be able to prioritize his life and put his wife and child first without giving in to the fear or dread of the reprisal or backlash doing so might cause.
I don't like it because it lacks honesty and integrity.
Being "brutally honest" doesn't mean you speak unkindly or rudely to anyone.
And I would never advise or suggest to anyone that they should tell their mother they'd "rather be somewhere else" than with her.
But once a man is married and has a family of his own, he needs to be able to prioritize his life and put his wife and child first without giving in to the fear or dread of the reprisal or backlash doing so might cause.
One's wife is not his mother. I do not find it unreasonable for a mom to want to see her child on Mother's Day. However, the OP should focus on helping his child give his wife a great day and he should pamper his wife.
I do not find it unreasonable that an excuse be used to protect feelings. I'm sure some moms would prefer an excuse (aided with flowers, cards, a visit the next day, etc.) than to hear the talk on how the wife is now the priority for Mother's Day. I think it lacks intuitiveness and kindness if one is so honest it is at the expense of other's feelings and it does more hurt than good.
My mom is dead. We burried grandma last week and my sister a few months ago so its not a fun day for me either. What I wouldnt give to spend the day with those three moms.
I'm with you.This will be my 31st mothers day without my mom. 25th mothers day without grandma.
Those of you who still have your moms, give her a big hug. I've lived over half my life without my mom. I'd put up with all sorts of inconvenience to get to spend mothers day doing something other than cleaning her grave.
One's wife is not his mother. I do not find it unreasonable for a mom to want to see her child on Mother's Day. However, the OP should focus on helping his child give his wife a great day and he should pamper his wife.
I do not find it unreasonable that an excuse be used to protect feelings. I'm sure some moms would prefer an excuse (aided with flowers, cards, a visit the next day, etc.) than to hear the talk on how the wife is now the priority for Mother's Day. I think it lacks intuitiveness and kindness if one is so honest it is at the expense of other's feelings and it does more hurt than good.
"leave and cleave" my friend.
If mama raised him right she taught him this herself
I am only for protecting the feelings of the very young, very old and very mentally fragile. The rest of us are supposed to be grownup enough to be responsible for ourselves and our reactions
Mother's Days were always fun for me. My mom's family had a farm with green houses and some fruit patches. I only went up there on Mother's Day because my grandmother, mom and all my aunts would be there and we'd spend all day picking strawberries in a field and my grandmother sold them at her road side fruit stand. It was hot, we got sunburnt and would start really early in the morning so by noon or shortly after we were beat but kept going. At some point I'd give up and sit down in them instead of squat, we'd eat them, throw them at each other - we looked like we got shot in a massacre. My grandmother would walk over all ticked off and tell us we weren't picking them fast enough and as she was walking away my aunt blurted out, "Okay Grambo" and I broke out in song of 'Swing Low Sweet Chariot." I remember it being just a lot of laughter. My grandmother isn't here any longer and neither is the strawberry field. But I will always remembers those days as really good ones. It's really what you make it - and some people can get too uptight and formal about these things.
This year will be the hardest mother's day ever to get through. My brother and SIL lost their son just before Thanksgiving and it just so happens this year his 21st birthday falls on Mother's Day. They live down south and he was burried up north here with the rest of the family and they can't even go visit his grave and I promised her I would make sure he had sunflowers on his grave for his birthday. She is a complete mess and he is starting to slide down hill. My SIL's cousing screamed at her and blamed her for her son's death and told her she was a bad mother and othe vile things. I was just livid over this. I have always thought she was a great mom to her boys. They are very kind and loving. I took some time to write her a very heartfelt letter to let her know how good a mom she was and how much her boys and their gestures ment to me. She really needed to hear it. I never carry cash, but since his death, I have been finding pennies every single day in really odd places. I believe they are from him and they make me laugh and I've been keeping them. In addition to the letter I sent her, I looked through the pennies and found one dated the year he was born, shined it up and put it in a ring box for her as a momento.
I don't think a timer is necessary when you can be creative and heartfelt with a simple gesture.
Here comes Mother's day! YAY.
Time for my rant.... this has to be one of the worst days of the year for me. I cannot stand mother's day.
It all starts with my mom. She is super sensitive and takes all kinds of things as a slight. For instance, last year my wife and I went to church in the morning, then split the day evenly at the parents houses. Spent 3 hours at her parents, then over to my parents for 3 hours in the evening.
Afterwards, I got reamed out by my dad for not devoting enough time to my mom on "mother's day." I was angry at the time, and just anxious this year since there was not much else I could do. As it was, I was running all day, skipped our two (now three) year old's nap, and spent as much time with each of our mom's as we could.
So here we go again. Day is starting out with my wife having to go into church way early, because she volunteered to sing in their mother's day choir. We will be there probably from 9 AM to 1 PM. After that, need to try and split the day between the two families. Since I cannot give any one mom all day, I am fearful of hurt feelings.
No advice needed really. I am going to try and be as nice and accomodating as possible. However, by the end of this marathon day, I am going to be beat. Definately not looking forward to it.
Anyone else's families take the fun out of what should be a fun day?
I am a Mom of an only child who is totally oblivious to how I truly feel about Mother's Day. This year, he came to visit me (minus his wife) and I had to ask him what his plans were for Mother's day. He blurts out that he is taking his Mother In Law out for lunch then they are going to a ballgame. No mention of what he wanted to do with me if anything. My reactions was "OH"...then I asked my husband, his step dad to leave the room as I needed to "settle" a few things with my son. I have yet in all the 20 plus years my son has been married to really lose it over a holiday. I get absolutely no time with him for Thanksgiving, dinner on Christmas Eve with ALL her friends and relative and perhpas 2 hours Christmas Day, I go to his house with the inlaws there on Easter and now here is Mother's Day and I have no clue what is going on.
Did I lose it with him?? You betcha. Sometimes getting hurt over and over with no time being spent with my ONLY child is like a slow ticking bomb..just seems so selfish. Anyhow, once again I had to make the compromise and relinquish my right to celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday and chose to celebrate on the Saturday before. It was better than alienating my son for all holidays.
Your case sounds pretty fair to me for spending equal time with both parents. Suggestion....perhaps next year give yourself a break and have both sides come to your house for a brunch. This way your child gets the nap she needs and you don't have to pack everyone up to be somewhere.
As for me? I am still not feeling this holiday. I will get my Saturday, maybe, and no Mother's Day card...after all, I get no birthday card, no card for our anniversary, no recognition of anything other than the fact that I do iron his work shirts because he can't afford the dry cleaner and his wife doesn't iron..nice, huh?
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