Men: Do you care if other men think you're "manly"? (father, males)

[Urban Sasquatch]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

Here's the deal. American men are really obsessed with this kind of stuff. For one thing, even in this day and age, the workplace, depending on the culture, dislikes single unmarried men. Guys with 2 messy divorces under their belt and kids from both marriages are viewed in a better light, it seems. Married guys think that single men are irresponsible and "less than them." There are studies which show they are less likely to be promoted and make 89 to 95 cents on the dollar as their married counterpart, for the same job. Just like I once recounted the story of a (married) man who kept getting passed up for a promotion in the police department because he didn't have the "right look," he got his promotion once he got a chin implant. The same thing can happen when a guy gets married - surprise, you have a promotion.

The part about how to sit and cross your legs is funny. That is correct. The "real" man crosses his legs the way a beer drinker in a tavern would. I'm being funny. The reality is that, in an executive portrait, men are supposed to, and often do, cross their legs at the knees. I remember that I began seeing that in grad school and a girl who had done her BA at Auburn (in Alabama) noted that it just didn't "seem right" to her. I think that, by now, she has gotten used to it.

Probably around 1961:
http://cache2.artprintimages.com/p/L...use-office.jpg

50 years later:
http://www4.pictures.gi.zimbio.com/O...cUs3M3uCSl.jpg

I suppose there are factors which are un-NOT-thinkable, and there always will be because there really IS a natural human pecking order.


As I've aged I've certainly sloughed off fears I once had with regard to what might be considered "manliness". There have also been statements in my life which have caused momentary consideration, but where that might have blossomed into concern when I was younger, it no longer does.


Because of the part of the country where I live, the fact that I can speak in a moderately erudite fashion has actually caused me to be labeled homosexual among certain groups, most specifically redneck and trashy-part-of-inner-city types.

When this is combined with the fact that I generally have manners, the effect is increased.

I cook. I'm fond of children and not embarrassed to show them nurturing behaviour. I don't always dress but when necessary I DO know my way around clothing.

Even now, there's a reader somewhere who's thinking "Well, you're starting to sound more like a pansy with ever listed item."



When I was young I was bothered because I wasn't what girls went for. They preferred the school athletes because those were the guys who could regularly put on displays of prowess. It didn't matter that I could outrun a young steer on a stretch, or had repeatedly taken to the ground animals approaching a ton in weight, or that I could throw twice my bodyweight far overhead to an open loft door, or pick up a two-bottom plow and set it into the back of a truck by myself -- I wasn't a real athlete by the standards of girls.

What I had yet to realize is that these girls, mere children themselves, ALSO didn't know yet what made a "real man" one bit more than I. I was judging myself on the standards of people who didn't know.


That was then; this is now.


There will always be subtle physical indicators. Women -- the means by which "manliness" is most often measured -- will always be smitten, even if it's briefly, by the hotties compared to a guy like me who's nice-enough looking but needs to drop some weight.

The difference is that *I* care far less.

These days when some young buck laughingly questions my manhood, my visceral response is a genuine chuckle and the statement I'll give a damn what you think about my manhood just as soon as you're capable of whipping my arse. Until then, mind your business and grow up.


Older men WILL always look down somewhat on younger men -- not because we have a superior position, but because we've been around the block enough to know a few things.

Bear in mind -- you'll see older men ADMIRE a young man who does well for himself, behaves himself maturely and confidently just as quickly as you'll see them denigrate a young man who acts like a kid.

Perhaps it could be chalked up, in a way, beneath the heading of Manliness; after all, the whole point is to grow up and act like a MAN instead of a boy.

[Dayton Sux]

Yeah the sports thing...I could care less about sports but i'm not abolut to fake it just to seem like "a guy".

Gee whiz life is to short to pretend to be someone just to conform to a stereotype...I do my own thing.

[Keeper]

Folks.. do not copy and paste photos that are not yours. Celebrities, newspaper, models, blogs and many other sources copyrighted. You can post a URL if you must post a picture

[Trimac20]

I challenge all those who answered 'no', to say, wear makeup, short shorts, take um knitting, cry a lot in public, tell everyone how wussy you are.

That's right, I'm skeptical but I expected most to assert they didn't care. Most guys DO care to some extent, sometimes, even me, not the best example of husky manliness, admits this.

[monumentus]

So if people do not give the answer you would, or that you want to hear, they must be in denial. That's great :-)

I am not going to compromise who I am to satisfy the denial of someone else. I do not wear make up for the simple reason that that is not me. Not because I worry about how others might think of me. I actually can knit and sew quite well when called upon to do so, I just do not do it as a hobby or sport. Nor am I in any way unable to express my feelings in public.

As I said before I do not judge myself by the standards of others, I judge myself by my own standards, so I really do not care what other "men" think of me. Nor - I might add - do I think doing any of the things on your list in any way makes a person more or less "manly".

[Mr. GE]

Originally Posted by Trimac20

I challenge all those who answered 'no', to say, wear makeup, short shorts, take um knitting, cry a lot in public, tell everyone how wussy you are.

That really has nothing to do with those of us who would say no... Just because we dont care if other men recognize our masculinity doesnt mean we would be willing to subject ourselves to ridicule.

Your scenario would only be viable if a man were already dressing and acting like that. Which 99% do not act nor dress this way anyway. So your response is mired in implausibility.

I could care less about what another "man" thinks of me... Now women, that is a whole nother story!

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by Trimac20

I challenge all those who answered 'no', to say, wear makeup, short shorts, take um knitting, cry a lot in public, tell everyone how wussy you are.

That's right, I'm skeptical but I expected most to assert they didn't care. Most guys DO care to some extent, sometimes, even me, not the best example of husky manliness, admits this.

Wearing makeup seems like it would suck big-time, so that's not going to happen. I don't wear shorts at all, so the length is unimportant. And as a matter of fact, it hasn't been that long ago since I did cry in public: when I had to have my cat put to sleep at the vet. Granted, I tried to fight it, and maybe there was a subconscious desire to avoid appearing weak, but my actual thoughts at the time were "You don't know these people, try not to make the situation awkward." But it's not like I cry all the time in private, so it stands to reason that I wouldn't normally cry in public.

Concerning knitting, I see this big, burly man on the bus frequently. I'm pretty sure he's a deckhand on a fishing boat, and one day he was knitting on the bus. A lady took interest and they started discussing it, and the guy didn't seem even slightly self conscious about it, which I thought was awesome. I've never knitted myself, but I can sew a little (enough for small repairs), and I know how to finger-crochet (a little).

It wouldn't surprise me, however, if most men (myself included) have at least some biological propensity to appear strong/tough in front of others. Maybe we don't realize it's happening, but it could still be there subconsciously.

[reed067]

Originally Posted by Doll Eyes

they care. most of the time they won't admit to it anyways.

Thats where your confused some of us don't care. Those they do care try are trying to live up to said sterotypes that some women expect of us. Women do much the same with men they want to over impress us, and they tend to go overboard with it. I'm more then happy with myself of course there are things I want to work on but those are personal things to improve myself but ONLY for me.

[Stumbler.]

Originally Posted by Trimac20

I challenge all those who answered 'no', to say, wear makeup, short shorts, take um knitting, cry a lot in public, tell everyone how wussy you are.

That's right, I'm skeptical but I expected most to assert they didn't care. Most guys DO care to some extent, sometimes, even me, not the best example of husky manliness, admits this.

I never thought wearing short shorts had anything to do with manliness or lack thereof (all I think about when I hear "short shorts" is that "we love short shorts" song which isn't saying much) and in fact, it's only on the city-data forums here that I even found out anyone thought that way.

I don't wear shorts that much anyways or have I ever thought too deeply about their length.

[Lunar Delta]

I don't even give a tenth of a s**t about manliness or masculinity, or others' perception of such.