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Personally, I'd hate to live in a senior living community (assisted living, nursing home). I'd rather be at home or even an apartment, living alone, in my old age if it came to that.
That is not what they are talking about. Most likely they mean an active adult community not a nursing home.
LOL - what does it matter? There are really people that think that way. I remember encountering a friend of the family when I was 29. She looked crestfallen when I said I had my own apartment and a great job and asked me with an amusing amount of compassion in her eyes, "So you never married?"
I really like this woman so I did a really good job keeping myself from giggling. She really did feel awful for me.
It’s sad that she measured happiness and fulfillment by whether or not one was married with children. At 29 I wasn’t married either. I married at 31, had my 1st child at 34, and my 2nd child at 40. I’m still happily married to my 1st and only husband and enjoy being a mom. Our lives are very involved with raising our 2 little people into kind, responsible, productive humans. But it’s not the be-all and end-all of my existence. I was a fully formed, independent, functional human being before I ever met my husband. And not that I didn’t have the opportunity more than once to be married before my husband came along, but the timing and people weren’t right for long term happiness. I didn’t want to get married until I found someone that enhanced my life, and I enhanced his. Then I met my husband and the rest is history.
I get lonely sometimes (missing loved ones who I won't see again on this side of the veil), but I'm happier single and without children than I would be any other way.
Personally, I'd hate to live in a senior living community (assisted living, nursing home). I'd rather be at home or even an apartment, living alone, in my old age if it came to that.
Some communities are very active, and not "assisted" at all. If I were over 60 and single, I can see the potential.
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Been WAY more lonely when I was married. Will never do it again. The times in which I've been single have consistently been the happiest times of my life. I will never, never, ever put any of my energy into another man and his need for a mommy/nanny/maid.
The divorce rate is 50% and rates of infidelity are about the same. As a middle-aged engineer,
I have seen many affairs at work. The most common one is the "emotional affair" when they
start going out to lunch or walks. When these marriages go bad, the couple each often feels "lonely"
due to the downhill spiral of the relationship.
Personally, I feel bad for those guys my age who were once young with zeal (roughly early to late 20s)
and got married only to be middle-aged, divorced, and caught with parental responsibilities such that
the family unit is no longer there and the ex has moved on. The 2nd marriages then have a
divorce rate of 66%.
The arrogance of a person who questions if single, middle-aged people are "lonely" suggests that
the person has not hit stage 3 of a marriage yet.
stage 1: the successful dater is in a honeymoon relationship (usually years 1-2 of marriage)
stage 2: the euphoria subsides and subtle differences start to arise (usually by year 2)
stage 3: the differences escalate to a major conflict: threats of divorce, arguments, affairs, etc.
stage 4: the make it or break it stage - somehow the conflict escalates to a major level that needs resolution.
stage 5: the couple survives the high and low points and learns to live together despite differences.
This is the twilight set of years for older couples who weathered the storm and survived intact.
Most couples don't make it to this level.
So, I dare you to make it to stage 5 intact. I honestly hope you do. But the odds are generally against it for the aggregate population.
I know a lot of guys like this - middle-aged men who can't get along with their teen daughter or wife and start fantasizing about much younger women. Meanwhile, the wife has an affair.
Not everyone achieves a perfect life. Statistically 25% or more males will never breed and in the past the percentage was far higher. Only today with our creature comforts can we even indulge ourselves to worry about the perfect life. Before it was worrying about basic survival. Nature is cruel and change is hard. If a persons parents don't raise them correctly theyre at a disadvangage at least until we have the tech to reprogram our brains to enhance playfulness and social skills while reducing anxiety and stress prone states.
To answer your question... Yes I'm a bit lonely but hey, that's life. I'd rather be lonely and rich than had been taken to the cleaners by a woman when I was younger. I see my urges as a combination of genetic drives and societal programming. Besides I may yet achieve the happiness I seek and I'm in a damn good situation financially.
Can't comment on the single question because I am am married, but being childfree was the best decision we ever made! Seeing what our friends and family with kids go through on a daily basis makes us so thankful we didn't go that route. You don't need kids to have a fulfilling and happy life and one filled with love. Kids aren't the only people you can love.
That is not what they are talking about. Most likely they mean an active adult community not a nursing home.
Yep. That's what it is. It's quite nice, but I still would never want to live there. It's like high school with wrinkles. And lemme tell you, these people are longtime Jersey Shore goers before spray tans and skin cancer were a thing. They did it natural for decades. The swimming pool is more like an alligator pen you'd see in Florida - all that bare leathery skin. Last I visited, I was tempted to throw in a chicken carcass and see what happened.
I don't do the "tanning" thing, so when I visited and was wearing shorts, my mother took me around the poolside area and told people "this is my daughter." and then in a whisper she would add "She's very WHITE" the same way you would say "She's a registered sex offender" - and I am not even kidding.
But they're totally catty and gossipy with each other and have these weird little cliques. It's a pretty crazy atmosphere.
The idea that everyone must be married and have kids is absurd. That type of life isn't for everyone.
Instead of married people being so focused on whether single people are happy, maybe they should work on their marriages.
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