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I have sometimes encountered caring about the friend, but their child was a monster. When the kid is junior high age or older and is still horible (rude to all, inappropriately demanding & a nightmare to their parents) I don't want to get out my wallet for their sports team/birthday/wedding/graduation ect.
Hey, do you have your friends get married and then come all the announcements when they have kids, their kids have b-day parties, graduations, and religious milestones (baptism, Communion, bar-mitzvah, etc)? Realistically, you are nowhere near as involved with them as much, given their commitments, but also find that you don't like opening your wallet every time they pop out a child and don't give a rat's a$$ about their kids' milestones.
Some of these people went to grad school with me and moved to other states. They got a wedding check from me, but as soon as they started having kids and I figured I may not see them again, no response from me on any subsequent invitations or announcements.
Have you "walked" on these situations because they are both not interesting and financially a nuisance?
Oh and I don't think getting an invite in the mail means that they want you to open your wallet. I've never been one though to send out announcements for all of these things, though.
Things that do send a clear message you are expected to open your wallet...bridal or baby showers, at home parties for stuff like Tupperware and Longaberger, or someone sending out announcements about the latest promotions at their place of business. These bother me more than getting a graduation announcement from someone.
IMO you are not obligated to spend anything. I have never understood this 'you get an invitation you must give a gift' etiquette. Many people are not in a financial place that they can give something or you get invited by someone you haven't seen in ages. Then you know it is only for the gift. I only give to close friends/family what I can afford.
I find it hard to remain friends with people I knew who got married & had children. Their priorities changed and they became parents. I just found that I had zero in common with them and we drifted apart. I really don't seek out those types of friendships. It's just horribly awkward. I don't even keep in touch with my family.
I agree with this.
Also, when other friends have got married and had children, they are looking for different kinds of friendships from what we would be able to offer. They are still our friends, but we're not nearly as involved in each others' daily lives as we used to be. And that's fine with me.
I find that this is particularly true with female friendships. I was married for a while and all my girlfriends had kids. To be part of their lives, you had to totally dive in to the kid thing. I was not ready for a number of reasons. Suddenly, I had very little in the way of a network. I actually ended up hanging out with people quite a bit younger because of their lack of commitments and making friends with a lot of childless gay couples. Its become harder and harder to find women who have time for a friendship and don't constantly talk about baby stuff.
I find that this is particularly true with female friendships. I was married for a while and all my girlfriends had kids. To be part of their lives, you had to totally dive in to the kid thing. I was not ready for a number of reasons. Suddenly, I had very little in the way of a network. I actually ended up hanging out with people quite a bit younger because of their lack of commitments and making friends with a lot of childless gay couples. Its become harder and harder to find women who have time for a friendship and don't constantly talk about baby stuff.
Completely agree!!! Not all women are into babies. Personally, I prefer my cats.
And I do have a lot of gay friends. I love my gay friends.
Years ago I worked with several women, single, and we all took vacations together. I organized them and it was great. Then the serious boyfriends started and little by little it went south. One of them, whom I as pretty close to got married and I was not thrill with her choice. She had a family only wedding and I was thrilled because I wouldn't have gone. When she had kids I literally didn't see her for years. We then reconnected later but it was kids, kids, kids. Ugh, drove me nuts. The darn kids are in college now and she will literally talk to anyone about this friggin kids. Enough!!!! Maybe if I talked about having hemorroids as much she would get the point.
Another woman from the same group moved away and married. She had 2 kids and moved back to the area. We got back in touch and when I went to see her after many years I was greeted at the door by a 5 yr old girl asking me what I brought her. I think I started to growl at her. What got me even more was when I told her mother, my friend, about it and I said it sarcastically, like was I supposed to bring her something... I had brought a box full of gourmet treats for the whole family. My friend said, "oh, next time just go to this store and get her this" I thought, this is where she got it from, from you, mother. I haven't seen the kid since. Ugh, terrible.
Frankly, I tend to avoid things with lots of kids. I feel incredibly lucky that there were only 2 kids in my apt building.
I have kids, and I have friends without kids. Some are acquaintances, some are more than that. Sometimes they send a gift, more often than not, it's a phone call, email or an FB post. My friends are HAPPY for me and my children's milestones, but don't feel as if sharing our news puts any pressure on them to buy me stuff.
Now my in-laws on the other hand are just as bitter sounding as the OP.
I have kids, and I have friends without kids. Some are acquaintances, some are more than that. Sometimes they send a gift, more often than not, it's a phone call, email or an FB post. My friends are HAPPY for me and my children's milestones, but don't feel as if sharing our news puts any pressure on them to buy me stuff.
Now my in-laws on the other hand are just as bitter sounding as the OP.
Very typical condescending wording from someone who has children, thus reinforcing the stereotype. Sorry, some of us don't like repeatedly opening our wallets for people who are peripheral to our lives.
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Sorry, some of us don't like repeatedly opening our wallets for people who are peripheral to our lives.
