Best friend came to my city but never called - How to handle it? (wife, father)
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I have had a best girlfriend since 2005. We met up in the Pacific Northwest at the same company. I had been going through a wicked divorce and she helped me get out of a funk. Since then, we have always been close.
In early 2009, I moved to San Diego, it happened to be where she lived before she moved to the PNW. We stayed in contact after I moved. We talk on the phone at least once a week. She was about to get married and I was going to help her plan the wedding (down in San Diego), be a bridesmaid, etc. She and her fiance went through a rocky relationship for two years before they called it quits. When I visit up there to see my mother, I always make it a point to see her. She confides in me about many things she feels uncomfortable telling others and vice versa.
She is 33 and I am 42 but that has never really been an issue and in fact, she comes to me for advice.
Long story short, she told me she was coming down a couple of weeks ago to visit for Memorial Day weekend with a couple of girlfriends. She has another close friend that lives in the same city I do (in the northern part of the county) about a 25 min drive from San Diego where she is staying... She told me she would call when she was up in my area (at the same time she would see her other friend). Well, tonight, she was "tagged" in a picture in Facebook literally up the street from my house at a bar with a bunch of girls, including her other friend she wanted to see that lives near me.
Given she came to my town tonight, is hanging out with all the girls and didn't text or call, should I confront her? Wait until she calls me? She leaves on Monday (she flew in Friday), should I wait it out?
I'm very hurt. Would would you do?
It's possible that time just got away from her and she might've meant to call you and just didn't get around to it. You could always post something on the picture like "Interesting". I'd advise you to ask her instead. Are you and the other friend she met from the area friends?
I would like to think that's true and it seems like she has always treated me that way but there was no reason why she couldn't ask me to join the group.
Either way, I posted on her picture and said "What a shame, I am only up the street, hope you are having a good time"
She texted me with
Shoot girl,
"ended up coming to my best friend's house and drank three bottles of beer before we went out, totally forgot to text you. Sorry...""
I haven't responded. Especially since she still doesn't want to meet up. I don't see how you "forget" about somebody. She probably wouldn't have texted at all but because I made a statement on FB, she felt bad.
How do you forget about someone???? Really?
I guess that old saying applies "never make someone a priority that only makes you an option"
Just wanted to point out the bolded. She has a best friend. You are not it. If I were you, I wouldn't consider her a best friend, maybe good friend, but not best and her actions underscore my point.
Just wanted to point out the bolded. She has a best friend. You are not it. If I were you, I wouldn't consider her a best friend, maybe good friend, but not best and her actions underscore my point.
I totally agree with this statement. I was thinking about it today. Time to reconsider my friendship with her. I over estimated it for sure.
It's possible that time just got away from her and she might've meant to call you and just didn't get around to it. You could always post something on the picture like "Interesting". I'd advise you to ask her instead. Are you and the other friend she met from the area friends?
No we are not friends but I did meet her once. I already posted on the picture. I said " what a shame, you were literally up the street from me. Hope you are having a good time."
No we are not friends but I did meet her once. I already posted on the picture. I said " what a shame, you were literally up the street from me. Hope you are having a good time."
Sorry, but that sounds really juvenile. She clearly knows the area and where you live. So she knows she was up the street.
That's the problem with sites like FB, I think people start acting like teenagers.
Like I said, I would have just called her on her cell phone and even if you got VM could have asked her if you were going to get together as here in your area was coming to a close.
I understand how your feelings are hurt, but now you have created a somewhat hostile environment which will put her on the defense.
This friend she was visiting up the block from you.....do you know this friend since she's up the block and is your neighbor?
If so do you get along with this person? Maybe that person didn't want your visiting friend to have you around and wanted to have some fun time without out you. You didn't say her (visiting friend) friends from up the block were your friends too.
Sorry, but that sounds really juvenile. She clearly knows the area and where you live. So she knows she was up the street.
That's the problem with sites like FB, I think people start acting like teenagers.
Like I said, I would have just called her on her cell phone and even if you got VM could have asked her if you were going to get together as here in your area was coming to a close.
I understand how your feelings are hurt, but now you have created a somewhat hostile environment which will put her on the defense.
No hostile environment. She texted this morning and said she had 3 beers and forgot to call me. I didn't respond because honestly, I didn't even know what to say to that.
Now that I think about it, I probably over valued the relationship on my end. Live and learn.
No hostile environment. She texted this morning and said she had 3 beers and forgot to call me. I didn't respond because honestly, I didn't even know what to say to that.
Now that I think about it, I probably over valued the relationship on my end. Live and learn.
Not calling you as she throws a few back does not constitute redefining your friendship. Did she drive to this establishment, could she have been wasted to the point where she had no clue she was down the block, or she felt imposing on your family life.
Does not sound worthy of downgrading your friendship.
Yes, she drove about 20 min to this bar to see her friend that lived near by me. She wasn't imposing as she told me she would ring me up when she was in my area. We talked about it a couple of days before she flew down. It's been four days now she has been here and she has been partying with her friends every night that she flew down with... clearly, if she wanted to see me she would have made an effort, especially now that she knows she screwed up last night. I'm not on the agenda and at this point, I'm actually getting over it. Why waste my energy on someone that doesn't *think* about me?
But thinking back, I have always considered her a best friend and she doesn't feel the same way.
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