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Old 05-27-2012, 04:37 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,691 posts, read 19,680,978 times
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It seems that it's rarer for a woman to be a true loner than it is a man. Even shy women often seem to have at least a few friends, whereas I know a lot of guys on the internet who have no friends WHATSOEVER in real life.

It seems if a young woman has no friends whatsoever, she either travels a lot and just talks to strangers and stuff, has a really involved job where she still socialises and stuff, or works in some remote area. Otherwise she has some severe mental or physical handicap that prevents that.

I think it's because it's easier for girls to make friends and they're more inclusive than a lot of guys.

I don't really know any loners, or many women who would be considered 'losers' - no job, sponging off parents.etc, also no social life. I know they exist, but they seem quite rare.
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Old 05-27-2012, 06:11 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
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You lookin for a date?
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Old 05-27-2012, 07:32 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 967,785 times
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Default No...not a single one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
It seems that it's rarer for a woman to be a true loner than it is a man. Even shy women often seem to have at least a few friends, whereas I know a lot of guys on the internet who have no friends WHATSOEVER in real life.

It seems if a young woman has no friends whatsoever, she either travels a lot and just talks to strangers and stuff, has a really involved job where she still socialises and stuff, or works in some remote area. Otherwise she has some severe mental or physical handicap that prevents that.

I think it's because it's easier for girls to make friends and they're more inclusive than a lot of guys.

I don't really know any loners, or many women who would be considered 'losers' - no job, sponging off parents.etc, also no social life. I know they exist, but they seem quite rare.
I think women are highly competitive too...just like men...but they're more subtle about it. Also, they tend to stick in a greater emphasis on being emotionally supportive and giving social advice...or appearing to be supportive. I don't know that they're more inclusive...but they are certainly more polite. I think men are usually more obvious about who they will include in their pack. Women can be quite vicious and underhanded to those they don't want in their pack...they just tend to appear nicer about it. Most men I've known are fairly inclusive...they'll make bonds rapidly if you go out of your way to do so with them...they're just usually too lazy to do so themselves...or don't have the urge for such an active social life, so they don't view it as a high of a priority to bring other males into their pack. As always, there are numerous exceptions, and anyone who judges everyone by these potential commonalities will likely eventually be wrong.

But yes, there probably aren't as many female loners as male loners.
I don't think female/female companionship bonds are more important too women than male/male companionship bonds, but I think they may be more important for women than men, usually. They tend to assist eachother in more ways than male companionships do. Males assist eachother greatly, but at times it is limited to ecomonic advice and emotional support (via entertaining activities in which feelings are not discussed, quite often, which can, in some cases, provide equal if not better emotional support than discussing deep feelings). I think that lifestyle choices, and big social decisions, and personal identity problems, and other highly personal problems, are far less likely to be discussed amongst male companionships. Whereas in female companionships, there are few limits to what is discussed. Because of the assistfulness of female relationships to females...I'd presume it would be more hindersome for women to lack them than males. Therefore, in the interest of not being overly cold to their fellow women, women are more likely to make friends more easily than men. I do, however, suspect that female/female companionships, in addition to providing more benefits, typically require more maintenance than male/male companionships. I think it may be easier to be booted out of a female companionship if one doesn't complete the necessary maintenance work. Male companions I know might not contact eachother for months...then say "You want to go to a movie?" During the movie they have little deep conversation, and afterwards they don't contact eachother for several more weeks, and they consider this a normal, healthy relationship, which it is. Female friends, I'd think would usually be more likely to say "We've grown apart," and perhaps not consider it so much of a companionship.

I have no degree or past work experience related to this topic. I have, however, fought my way up the social ladder, after growing up with Tourette's syndrome and social anxiety disorder, and probably foolishly taking medication for neither, and am quite proud of my knowledge. I have never had a girlfriend, and am 26...nor do I have much of an active social life...but I am never emberassed, and I can be brutally, crushingly honest with people, and they will smile and potentially be flattered while I do it I am male, but I have a sister.

Last edited by Clintone; 05-27-2012 at 07:43 AM..
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Old 05-27-2012, 08:31 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Very detailed post clintone! I am too 26 and have never had a girlfriend.

Yes, I don't know if women have a greater need to socialize, but it seems that if a women is left out people feel more sorry for her, also because she might be more vulnerable being all alone. Humans are social animals and stay in troupes for protection, but this still seems more fundamental to females. I suppose other women would see a shy woman and feel a protective instinct for her. Unfortunately, while the same is sometimes extended to shy men, often it is not, and other males can be lazy/apathetic about it as you say.

Also, any female loner who is reasonably attractive is an easy target for a male: sometimes this might end up in a relationship, in which case that person's whole social life revolves mostly around this romantic relationship. Actually THIS is a situation which seems common. A woman who has no friends or companionship except her boyfriend. Sometimes this relationship takes up more and more of her until she loses most of her friends.

I was a bonafide loner in high school. Not one of those people who thinks it's 'cool' to say how unpopular they were in high school. I truly did not have any real friends I actually talked to. As sad as it sounds my friends were books, ideas. I suppose I skipped a lot of the social experience of high school, the 'growing up', the drama, the first kiss...indeed my first real kiss did not even happen until I was about 20. And still, not with a girlfriend. Although I have a few friends I hang out with I still feel like a loner since I only see them occasionally now. My realest friends are online.

I too have social anxiety...is that a large reason why you've never had a gf? I feel it is in my case. I have generalized anxiety in general, pretty severe at that, so right now I'm semi-reclused.
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Old 05-27-2012, 10:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Very detailed post clintone! I am too 26 and have never had a girlfriend.

Yes, I don't know if women have a greater need to socialize, but it seems that if a women is left out people feel more sorry for her, also because she might be more vulnerable being all alone. Humans are social animals and stay in troupes for protection, but this still seems more fundamental to females. I suppose other women would see a shy woman and feel a protective instinct for her. Unfortunately, while the same is sometimes extended to shy men, often it is not, and other males can be lazy/apathetic about it as you say.

Also, any female loner who is reasonably attractive is an easy target for a male: sometimes this might end up in a relationship, in which case that person's whole social life revolves mostly around this romantic relationship. Actually THIS is a situation which seems common. A woman who has no friends or companionship except her boyfriend. Sometimes this relationship takes up more and more of her until she loses most of her friends.

I was a bonafide loner in high school. Not one of those people who thinks it's 'cool' to say how unpopular they were in high school. I truly did not have any real friends I actually talked to. As sad as it sounds my friends were books, ideas. I suppose I skipped a lot of the social experience of high school, the 'growing up', the drama, the first kiss...indeed my first real kiss did not even happen until I was about 20. And still, not with a girlfriend. Although I have a few friends I hang out with I still feel like a loner since I only see them occasionally now. My realest friends are online.

I too have social anxiety...is that a large reason why you've never had a gf? I feel it is in my case. I have generalized anxiety in general, pretty severe at that, so right now I'm semi-reclused.
...I don't know. I have a lot of highly beneficial, open and honest public aquaintanceships. The responses of others seem to show that I'm pretty good at making others feel relaxed and at ease. I doubt I'm more nervous around strangers than anyone else. I'm probably usually less nervous around strangers than most people. However, if I'm around someone for an extended period of time, the longer I'm around that person, the more nervous I tend to get, with a few exceptions. At first glance, I can probably actually be somewhat smoothe...at least to the people who have a sense of humor, and don't focus their ratings for likeability on those memorized traits that supposedly make people "cool," which I think seldom if ever actually work outside of highly specific social circles.

However, as time goes by, I tend to devolve from what I presume to be a confident adult, into what I presume looks like, a scared little kid.

Now, if everyone's emotions worked like mine do, I'd be fine. We could have a very pleasant, hippie-style society, with insta-revealing of long-held emotional traumas, and insta-healing advice given by trusted strangers, but they're not (which, to be realistic, is probably a good thing, because of all the predators and such who would probably pounce on such a trusting society like a small child tossed into a lion's cage).

Most people seem to desire to have long, extended conversations with their closer companions, particularly women. For my social meetings with others to be successful, we've always had to be doing something else that was the primary focus, with the conversation being of secondary importance. With continuous conversation, I inevietably panic...so with an absence of a way to brainwash society into feeling like I do...I have to find some other way to deal with long discussions that does not involve mumbling incomprehensively...which is not even remotely impressive to women.

I'm good at reading body language though and enjoy public conversations. I used to not be. It kind of clicked eventually, which probably had to do with joining a coed community service group in college largely composed of women. If there's say, one of the shyer girls in such a group, who the rest of the girls are somewhat protective over, and view as, kind of, their baby (In prisons women do this...they have the adult female surrogate mom prisoner...the adult female surrogate dad prisoner...and the adult female surrogate babies prisoners) and you ask their "baby" on a date, and their "baby" is uninterested...every one of them will despise you for weeks. You will become, in their eyes, the most sick, twisted monster in existence and the only possible escape, is to enter a sort of...unstated trial period, in which you practice superhuman levels of sensitivity and chivalrousness. After a period of this penance...the icy stares should eventually desist. Body language will inevietably be learned after such a situation.

I actually think my social skills are quite weaker online. My speech gets taken out of context. I take other people's statements out of context...though it is an interesting place to learn.

For example, upon stating the above paragraphs in public, I could tell whether it was too wordy, or whether or not you were interested, or thought it to be serious, or humorous, or sad, or were emotionally oblivious. I can tell none of that now.

I do think I am actually regularly less nervous than most people...sort of, throwing out all the nervousness (the useful along with the bad) so I watch body language to determine how to act and what to say. I have absolutely no idea what is going through your head right now. I bet we have a different set of skills. You're probably quite good at talking to people online...if that's where most of your friends are.

Last edited by Clintone; 05-27-2012 at 11:19 AM..
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Old 05-28-2012, 10:54 PM
 
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I'm a loner by nature and quite happy that way. I talk to people at work, but I don't seek social activity outside of it at all. I'm 32 now, but I've been this way since I was young...it always irritated when my friends wanted to hang out every single day after school. No thank you.

I don't have social anxiety or anything of the sort...I just like quiet time to write and read and think deep thoughts.
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Old 05-28-2012, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
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I think I can truly call myself a loner. Even looking back to when I was 12, I never had any friends. I'm 19 now, I still live with my mom, and the only time I really leave the house is to go to work. The only friend I have is an online friend. I never had a boyfriend, and I haven't even had my first kiss. There's 2 people I occasionally talk to from high school, but I haven't seen them since I was 17. Honestly, I'm not bothered by it. Even when I was a kid I preferred spending time with my mom over anyone else.
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Old 05-29-2012, 12:56 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,691 posts, read 19,680,978 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcd637 View Post
I think I can truly call myself a loner. Even looking back to when I was 12, I never had any friends. I'm 19 now, I still live with my mom, and the only time I really leave the house is to go to work. The only friend I have is an online friend. I never had a boyfriend, and I haven't even had my first kiss. There's 2 people I occasionally talk to from high school, but I haven't seen them since I was 17. Honestly, I'm not bothered by it. Even when I was a kid I preferred spending time with my mom over anyone else.
It's cool that you're not too bothered by it. It might sound wrong but people like you don't make me feel too alone lol...not that I wish anyone have no friends or partner, unless that's their preference. Are you interested in boys/having a relationship though?
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:29 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
It's cool that you're not too bothered by it. It might sound wrong but people like you don't make me feel too alone lol...not that I wish anyone have no friends or partner, unless that's their preference. Are you interested in boys/having a relationship though?
I am interested in having a relationship, the opportunity just never presented itself. I can't help feeling that it would help if I was more attractive.
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:32 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,691 posts, read 19,680,978 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcd637 View Post
I am interested in having a relationship, the opportunity just never presented itself. I can't help feeling that it would help if I was more attractive.
Ah yes...yeah it's amazing how like...how easy it can be to reach an advanced age without having a relationship. I even know of some decent, personable men AND women in this situation. There are many reasons why someone hasn't found the right one, for one they might not feel the peer pressure to find anybody just because everybody else has.
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