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OP, take control of your own life! If you handle things yourself and with your husband I suspect you wouldn't be in the mess about taxes or your citizen. Yes, it is time to grow up. Take the high road and be courteous to your parents without being submissive or allowing yourself to be manipulated.
My in-laws were like this when my husband was a child. He is 1 of 5 kids and for whatever reason he was treated like an outcast. He tells me stories of his childhood and it makes me cringe. My MIL left him twice at store. How do you forget your kid and twice? When he turned 10 they shipped him off every summer to go work on the Aunt's farm. This aunt and uncle owned a very large 5 bedroom farmhouse. They lived alone but my husband was required to sleep in a tent in the backyard. When he returned from working at the farm, the family went on their yearly vacation. My husband was required to pay his way and all the activities. None of his siblings had to do this. One year on his birthday my FIL told my husband he should buy a bike with his birthday money. My husband said he was excited thinking they would be going to the local store. Nope. My FIL made my husband give his birthday money to the older brother so he could buy the brother's used bike while the brother was taken to the store to buy a shiny new one. When my husband got cancer in his very early twenties, his mother refused to let him move back in (he was told to move out at 17 and lived on his own till he got sick). She told him to go to hospice. I could go on an on.
So imagine my shock and annoyance that my husband spent years in the beginning of our marriage catering to his family. He was treated like the village idiot and so was I due to association. As time progressed my husband started to feel more angry and realized what a toxic bunch they were. Of course I was accused of "changing him". He simply realized on his own that the dynamics were way off. We finally moved away from all of them and we are so much more relaxed and happy. We don't fit in and we are glad. We don't want to be like them. We visit when we feel like it which isn't often. I almost want to laugh when my MIL fakes her tears on how much she misses us. Ya whatever.
OP, realize that your parents have big issues that have nothing to do with you. Do not rely on them and start taking care of your own life. Its the only way you will start feeling better.
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