trying to leave home at 17 (person, brother, sister, house)

[Faithhiee]

Im 17 years old, il be 18 in march (9/10 months from now) but i don't think i can stay at home any longer.. i messed up a few weeks ago, got caught up and did some stupid things that i regret and have tried my hardest to apologize for. no body in my household will have anything to do with me. ive had most of my brothers and sisters tell me that i would be better off gone. and i had my mom tell me i was a **** up that I didn't deserve anything.. and my family has basically dis owned me. its really sad. the only person that is talking to me a tall would be my sister who is 23 and living on her own. she told me i could move in with her asap. and i would really like to, but i feel that my mom would disapprove. only because she hates my sister and refuses to let me have anything to do with her, even though she is all i have. Is their any possible way that i can move in with her? im just looking to get out of a rough situation.. i bought my own car. i pay my own insurance and phone bills. i pay rent for my "home" already. i have a job. and i have money saved up. all i want to do is get the hell out of here before it gets worse.

[DSS94]

I would say wait it out, but 9 months is a long time to be living in a situation that difficult. But if you just move out without permission, your family could get you and your sister into huge problems if they wanted to.

If you're actually that financially secure, paying bills and everything, here's what you can.

In North Carolina, anyone who is 16 or older and has lived in NC for more than 6 months can petition for emancipation. To do this, you have to organize the following into one thing to deliver to your nearest courthouse.

1. Your full name and your birth date, and state and county of birth;
2. A certified copy of your birth certificate;
3. The name and last known address of the parent, guardian, or custodian;
4. Your address and length of residence at that address;
5. Your reasons for requesting emancipation; and
6. Your plans for meeting your needs and living expenses which plan may include a statement of employment and wages earned that is verified by your employer.

The court will then arrange a hearing involving you and your parents, and the following questions will be considered:
1. The parental need for your earnings
2. Your ability to function as an adult;
3. Your need to contract as an adult or to marry; (probably doesn't apply)
4. Your employment status and the stability of your living arrangements; (if you get your sister to testify, you should be okay with this)
5. The extent of family discord which may threaten reconciliation of you and your family;
6. Your rejection of parental supervision or support; and
7. The quality of parental supervision or support.

This is a lot to go through, and if at all possible I would recommend getting in contact with a lawyer who can give you the needed advice for success at the hearing.

Alternately, if your family won't try to sabotage your efforts to move out, you may be able to bypass this and wait out the 9 months living with your sister. But I'd seriously consider whether or not they'll let you get away with this.

[Faithhiee]

That sounds like a long process... and i suppose if i have to do that, i will.
i do appreciate the answer! It helps!
Is there any possibility that my sister could become my new legal guardian? just so that my mother couldn't do anything? My mom actually kicked my sister out when she was 17. so me and my sister have quite a bit in common and i really need her. I have no friends and basically no family left.

[Lorieleanor]

I have an 18 year old daughter and reading your post makes me so sad. Believe me times have not always been good in our household, but we got through it.

Are you still attending school? If so, does your sister live in the same school district?

If you are not attending school, could you perhaps ask your parents if you could go visit your sister for a few weeks to let everyone have some space and calm down? Parents can get awfully upset, but a little time and space can help calm the nerves. Even if you are still in school, if you can promise your parents you will be in school each day, on time, perhaps they will agree to let you go.

You've only got a few months to go - well okay it seems like forever in your situation - If you can get your parents to let you spend some time with your sister, then come back home, it might help get you (and your parents) through these coming 9 months.

Whatever you do, if things turn violent, please leave and call for help.

I wish you all the best. Things WILL get better. It just might take a little time. I'll be thinking of you.

Come back and post whenever you can.

[Lorieleanor]

Legal guardians are VERY hard to get the courts to agree to when both parents are still alive and local. You would have to prove serious parental negligence to the Judge. If you feel you can do so, I would say to contact the Juvenile Court system in the County courthouse of the county in which you live. The information can be found online. Or post the county here and we can look it up for you.

[Faithhiee]

That would honestly be a great idea, but i am not "allowed" to have any contact with my sister. ive been sneaking trying to talk to her just to try to figure something out. I can't stay here. and i am still in school. i am going to be attending summer school so that i can graduate early that way i have some time to earn money for college, if i can get there.

[Faithhiee]

Yeah.. i figured that would be the case. my mother is i suppose normally "fit" in the eyes of the court. my dad on the other hand, he was in an accident on my 12th birthday and was hit by a 15 passenger van. he has brain damage and mental issues now so i don't know what he would be considered.

[Lorieleanor]

You can contact your school counselor for help. Prior to speaking with them, make sure he/she will keep your conversation private and not contact your parents. If they cannot promise that, then skip the idea. If they will promise, they have access to a lot of social service agencies and could be of help to you.

Emancipation in this State is VERY hard to get.

You are much better off trying to get some family therapy for everyone to cope for the next 9 months. Do you think your parents would be willing to attend counseling sessions?

If you attend a church, sometimes that can be a good avenue for help. They may even be able to get your parents to agree to let you stay with another church family while you all work out your issues. It would need to be a family within your school district or the school counselor would need to get involved to make sure it works.

[theoldnorthstate]

Sweetheart, it breaks my heart to hear your pain but as a mother I have had hard times with my teenagers too.

Sometimes we all say or do things and live to regret it. t is not unusual for Moms and daughters to have their moments too. That goes for parents and teenagers.

So give it some time and do your best to cooperate. Don't put much stock in what your brothers and sisters say, it is between you and your parents. Focus on school and work. Do well. Then when you are 18 if you feel like you should leave, then you can.

If you are in danger, different story. But if it is just 'hot' at your house now, let it cool down. Sounds like you are lucky to have a sister who is there for you. Time is a great leveler.

[Faithhiee]

I honestly don't want to move out for any other reason other than the fact that i feel like a burden here. my mom has basically given up on me. I broke her heart with what i did and i really wish she would forgive me but she made it clear that she isn't looking to forgive or forget what i have done. generally, i would stick it out. i would stay here until it was an appropriate time to leave. but its gotten to the point where im not even welcome to eat dinner with my family. im not allowed to go anywhere with them, they won't talk to me, they all hate me. and i have a large family. I have 4 brothers and 3 sisters. so having so many of them look at me in disgust every time the get the chance really isn't something i can bare any longer. the don't care to go to counseling and I do not personally know anyone at my church that can help me. i just can't do this by myself.