Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your friend took you in, signed on for a car and insurance in his name. The risks he took were immense.
Sorry buddy but you are being irrational. If I was to get all psychotherapist on yr. a**e I'd say it's because you've become less dependent and are stung by your dependency and this little mental sleight-of-hand about "equity" is an attempt to justify your obvious recalcitrance. IOW and to be much less charitable, you sponged off of him — and he let you — and now your pride and ego is seeking a salve while dressing it in a seeming charade of rationality i.e. "the car needs work", "I built equity".
If I were you I'd think about ways that didn't require him to "buy" you another car. That would go a long way to restoring your pride.
My friend had mentioned before we moved in that he had offered to another friend to move in and share the place with him (that friend didn't take him up on the offer)
When my wife and I had our failed business venture, I inquired and we moved in, but we weren't living off of him. We paid rent, we paid half of all utilities, performed chores around the house and shared our groceries with him (he rarely bought his own)
So painting us as "spongers" is unfair, since we didn't live for free on his dime. When my other car began having transmission trouble, it was amazing that he was willing to help out to ensure I could keep working so we could pay our share and eventually get our own place again.
But I've been paying on the car for two years and it was my trade in for a couple of grand that also put equity into the vehicle I'm driving.
The way things are setup, the car payments and car insurance are automatically taken out of his bank account. We send him a check each month and he has to go to the bank to deposit. He is stuck with this for another 3 years under the current loan terms.
Having him co-sign on a 3-year lease would:
1. not increase his time commitment
2. take the hassle of spending the next 3 years waiting for monthly checks and having to take a trip to the bank he wouldn't otherwise be making
So while I don't deny there are benefits for me in this arrangement as well (a newer, more reliable vehicle under warranty and an ability to have the car payments I'm making contribute to my credit score, which they don't presently since it's all in his name), I feel it also has benefits to him as well.
Our original arrangement was that I would pay on the car each month and when it was paid off I would buy it for $1. How you or he or anyone can think that trading in the vehicle would suddenly entitle him to half of any equity in the vehicle given our arrangement is beyond me. He wasn't going to get half the value of the car after the loan was closed, why would he get it now?
My friend had mentioned before we moved in that he had offered to another friend to move in and share the place with him (that friend didn't take him up on the offer)
...
When my wife and I had our failed business venture, I inquired and we moved in, but we weren't living off of him. Our original arrangement was that I would pay on the car each month and when it was paid off I would buy it for $1. How you or he or anyone can think that trading in the vehicle would suddenly entitle him to half of any equity in the vehicle given our arrangement is beyond me. He wasn't going to get half the value of the car after the loan was closed, why would he get it now?
As I said before you have reacted to my language — which was purposefully incendiary in truth.
You paid for the car. He fronted you the credit rating. I say his thinking has logic. As you had a failed business venture that ended with you having personal financial collateral damage I will again be incendiary from the safety of an LCD screen and state that your grasp of economics may not be as strong as you'd like and thus you should be certain to understand that Excel spreadsheet viewpoints fail when considering such "qualitative" factors as they are simply rendered nihil.
If you don't want to feel obligated give him the car back. Even now you still suggest you need his help. I suggest you have a friend whom you have always been able to rely and-or impose upon and thus you are seeking a rational framework to assauge your guilt.
"Sponging" is reductive but ultimately accurate. If you are not 100% self-reliant you are by definition sponging. cf. Definition #8 of "Sponge" from The Free Dictionary:
8. One who habitually depends on others for one's own maintenance.
I see your point, but this friend gave you a place to live (I know you paid rent, but I suspect cheaper rent than if you had gotten your own place) and helped you get a car. I think for the sake of the friendship it's time you untie your finances from his. It really shouldn't be your friend's job to cosign for you and help you build your credit up. He's done enough already. And he may be feeling taken advantage of thus why he feels entitled. Can you sell the current car, pay off the loan, and start fresh? I know you will likely have an outrageous interest rate due to bad credit, but it may be something you just have to suck up and deal with. Once you pay off the new car entirely under your name your credit will will get a boost anyway.
I would NEVER EVER cosign a loan for anyone. Probably not even my own family, so this friend has really gone above and beyond IMO.
Good points, I'm just concerned at this point, given his viewpoint of things, that I could pay all five years on this vehicle and then have him turn around and say "this is my car" and then I've bought him a car, ya know?
I don't want to take him to the cleaners, but I don't want to get taken for a ride either. I'll try to hash out what I can with him *crosses fingers*
Yes...he could...but do you really think he would?..I mean he did take you in, in a time of need....without his help, you wouldn't have been driving that nice vehicle for those 5 years....you don't sound like you truly grasp, or appreciate the RISK your friend has taken for you....and now in order to build YOUR credit, you're wanting him to again assume the risk of co'signing for you.....You really should cut the ties from this man....thank him profusely for what he HAS done....and give him a break by setting him free from your affairs... expecting anymore smacks of YOU taking him to the cleaners...you've already been taking him for a ride...while you ride in what HE'S provided for you....think of what you gotten out of all this.....now ask yourself.....what has HE gotten out of all this?
I'm not sure if I made it clear, but my friend already took out a loan in his name for the car I'm currently driving.
I could just stop paying him today and my name isn't on the loan so then he gets stuck with it.
I believe I'm trying to do something beneficial for both of us. We both get the current car paid off when traded in, we switch me into a better quality brand vehicle and we take away the headache for him of having to wait for my check each month and drive to the bank to deposit it.
In addition, I could even go with a 24-36 month plan which gets my friend out sooner since it will be 2 years paying on the car this September.
I'm not asking him to spend any money, I'm not asking him to assume any additional risk above and beyond what he's already locked into now.
But I will check my credit score and if it's viable to proceed forward without him co-signing I would prefer that as well, so neither of us has to deal with this issue any further.
What about your idea is beneficial for him? He's still on the hook for the loan, with no benefit.
I'm sure he's pretty tired of the situation. Nothing worse than helping someone out who had money troubles, and see them spend money on other things (like the tv?).
Man up, dude, and start standing on your own two feet. He's not your mother.
Has the insurance been in his name? I'm assuming so since you are sending him the payments. Do you realize what a HUGE risk he is taking if that is the case?
You act like you are doing him a favor by having this loan on his credit - but it actually takes away from credit he might need to get if he needs it for himself.
I'm actually shocked at your attitude. This guy has helped you out enormously. He's put his credit on the line. Maybe he doesn't see it as a benefit to co-sign another loan in which he wouldn't have control over the payments. Ever think of that? He most likely wouldn't know you didn't make a payment or were late until it was too late.
The fact you even want to ask him to sign for another loan is ridiculous. Get your own loan - even if you have to pay a higher interest rate.
My friend had mentioned before we moved in that he had offered to another friend to move in and share the place with him (that friend didn't take him up on the offer)
When my wife and I had our failed business venture, I inquired and we moved in, but we weren't living off of him. We paid rent, we paid half of all utilities, performed chores around the house and shared our groceries with him (he rarely bought his own)
So painting us as "spongers" is unfair, since we didn't live for free on his dime. When my other car began having transmission trouble, it was amazing that he was willing to help out to ensure I could keep working so we could pay our share and eventually get our own place again.
But I've been paying on the car for two years and it was my trade in for a couple of grand that also put equity into the vehicle I'm driving.
The way things are setup, the car payments and car insurance are automatically taken out of his bank account. We send him a check each month and he has to go to the bank to deposit. He is stuck with this for another 3 years under the current loan terms.
Having him co-sign on a 3-year lease would:
1. not increase his time commitment
2. take the hassle of spending the next 3 years waiting for monthly checks and having to take a trip to the bank he wouldn't otherwise be making
So while I don't deny there are benefits for me in this arrangement as well (a newer, more reliable vehicle under warranty and an ability to have the car payments I'm making contribute to my credit score, which they don't presently since it's all in his name), I feel it also has benefits to him as well.
Our original arrangement was that I would pay on the car each month and when it was paid off I would buy it for $1. How you or he or anyone can think that trading in the vehicle would suddenly entitle him to half of any equity in the vehicle given our arrangement is beyond me. He wasn't going to get half the value of the car after the loan was closed, why would he get it now?
Stick to the original plan and do not go looking for another car now (and don't even think to ask him to be a co-signer for the newer car... He's done enough for you already). If the car ain't broke, then don't replace it now. Pay off the current car; after you "buy" it for a $1... the car is yours and you can do anything with it.
I do not see a benefit to your friend in any of this. And then you want to ask him to cosign again?
It sounds as if you are being unreasonable and keeping score. "He ate up most of our food.". Sorry, if someone put a car in their name for me he could eat whatever he wanted.
You aren't doing him any favors, although you think so. "Equity"? If you say so.
Honestly, I think it's unreasonable to expect your friend to co-sign a loan for you, after all he has already done. I am generous with my time and money, but would never co-sign a loan for anyone (OK, maybe my mom or sister if either needed me to, but no one else!).
Get a loan in your own name if you want a different car. If your credit isn't great, just deal with it and the higher interest rate that comes with it.
I agree.
And yes OP I realize your friend took out a loan in his name for you, that's some friend.
As others have said they wouldn't do it for a blood relative never mind a friend.
You could have screwed up his credit, or even worse if you had a car accident it comes back to him as the car is in his name.
At this poster said, get a loan in your name and if you don't have stellar credit pay the higher rate, lots of people have to do that.
Has the insurance been in his name? I'm assuming so since you are sending him the payments. Do you realize what a HUGE risk he is taking if that is the case?
You act like you are doing him a favor by having this loan on his credit - but it actually takes away from credit he might need to get if he needs it for himself.
I'm actually shocked at your attitude. This guy has helped you out enormously. He's put his credit on the line. Maybe he doesn't see it as a benefit to co-sign another loan in which he wouldn't have control over the payments. Ever think of that? He most likely wouldn't know you didn't make a payment or were late until it was too late.
The fact you even want to ask him to sign for another loan is ridiculous. Get your own loan - even if you have to pay a higher interest rate.
Yes the insurance is in the friend's name, the OP mentioned that in Post #21.
You're not kidding that the friend is taking some risk. If the OP has a car crash or hits a kid, it comes back to the friend.
That's insane.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
cf. Definition #8 of "Sponge" from 
