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Hello everyone, I recently got a job offer to teach English in Brazil and I will be leaving the country in a month. My future boss (principal of the school) arranged for me to live with a lady who normally lives with foreign teachers etc. We became friends on FB and have been e mailing each other recently. Well the reason of this thread is because my dad wants the number to the land lady's house, and also my work. Knowing him, he will say he'll call if there is an emergency but he tends to make an excuse for calling otherwise.
We agreed that I will buy a phone in Brazil and I'll text him whenever he texts me, I will send him emails throughout the week and talk to him on the phone at least 2 times a week. Though when he requests the numbers from my work AND the landlady's house I get aggravated and I tell him that he can have my work's number only for emergencies.
The reason why I am so hesitant in giving him those numbers is because 4 years ago when I was 20, (I am 24 now) He had the numbers to the place I was staying at and the school I was attending. I was studying abroad in Argentina at the time. I felt very smothered even though he was thousands of miles away.
Is it right for me to not give him the landlady's number? He will have my work number (only for emergencies) and my cell number when I buy a phone down there.
Does he not trust me?
I know he is worried about me but honestly I do not want the phone to be ringing off the hook and for him to track down every little thing I do.
I am going to Brazil to grow and to not be smothered.
So what is it?
It's hard when you have overprotective parents. I've got kids almost your age, and have not lived within 250 miles of my dad in almost 30 years, and he is still overprotective of me. I just try and ignore it as much as possible.
I would not give him the landlady's number. If you can't just honestly tell him that you do not want him calling you there, I would tell him due to international calling plans etc, that it is too expensive for her to receive calls from the States.
Have you considered using Skype, or something like it to communicate with him? When my youngest spent a semester in Germany at 19, we used it to communicate a couple of times a week. He was living with a local family who took in boarders and they did not speak English. I didn't have a contact number for them, but even if I did, we couldn't have communicated. Our son purchased a phone there, but could not use it to call the US, only for local calls. If there had been a true emergency, I would have had to contact the US university he was enrolled in here, then they would have had to contact their people in Germany, who would have to contact our son. Skype was great because we could actually see each other and it was free. Being able to actually see you, might help your dad feel more at ease. He can see where you live, and realize that you are not living in a dump somewhere, starving to death. Sometimes parents just want to see their kids faces. I was actually glad we had it because while my son was abroad he was involved in a very bad bike accident, and ended up in an emergency room with a broken nose, and some really severe facial injuries. Because of Skype, I was able to see exactly how he was doing and healing. It helped my imagination not get carried away.
If you use Skype, I would set some boundaries with your dad. Agree to have your computer turned on at a certain time on a specified day, so that you can receive his calls. Explain to him that otherwise, you will not know he's trying to contact you. Then, even if you are sitting at your computer and he tries to contact you and you don't want to talk, you don't have to answer. He won't know that you're sitting right there, unlike with a cell phone you will always have on and with you.
Last edited by debzkidz; 06-20-2012 at 08:01 AM..
Reason: add last paragraph
I m sorry but as a parent I would not be comfortable not having emergency numbers for my children in foreign countries . Do you folks on here ever read the news ?, watch the news ? do you see how many people dissapear in foreign countries and their familys never see them again ? Oh no Im saying that your dad has every right to worry and to want emergency numbers especially in a country like brazil since that man who was married to a brazilian citizen and she took their son to brazil and when she died the grandparents and the step father tried to keep him away from his american father . My goodness i would be frantic if I did not have emergency numbers for my children in the united states much less foreign countries . Sorry but Im on your dads side on this one .
Give him the number. You're lucky to have a dad who cares about you and is worried. My parents would definitely want any number I could give them if I was going to a foreign country. I'm a 28 year old grown woman and I only live on the other side of the country, but I talk to my parents everyday and my mom likes to know that I get in safe at night. I don't see it at smothering, I'm thankful they love and care about me.
Although I understand your longing for independence, please be appreciative of the fact that you actually have a father who cares about you and is worried for you. Be a GOOD and considerate daughter and give your father the landlady's phone number. He may never use it, but at least it will put his mind at ease just a bit, having it.
Hello everyone, I recently got a job offer to teach English in Brazil and I will be leaving the country in a month. My future boss (principal of the school) arranged for me to live with a lady who normally lives with foreign teachers etc. We became friends on FB and have been e mailing each other recently. Well the reason of this thread is because my dad wants the number to the land lady's house, and also my work. Knowing him, he will say he'll call if there is an emergency but he tends to make an excuse for calling otherwise.
We agreed that I will buy a phone in Brazil and I'll text him whenever he texts me, I will send him emails throughout the week and talk to him on the phone at least 2 times a week. Though when he requests the numbers from my work AND the landlady's house I get aggravated and I tell him that he can have my work's number only for emergencies.
The reason why I am so hesitant in giving him those numbers is because 4 years ago when I was 20, (I am 24 now) He had the numbers to the place I was staying at and the school I was attending. I was studying abroad in Argentina at the time. I felt very smothered even though he was thousands of miles away.
Is it right for me to not give him the landlady's number? He will have my work number (only for emergencies) and my cell number when I buy a phone down there.
Does he not trust me?
I know he is worried about me but honestly I do not want the phone to be ringing off the hook and for him to track down every little thing I do.
I am going to Brazil to grow and to not be smothered.
So what is it?
How many phone numbers for you does he need? One should be enough, two, max (in case you lose your cell phone). Dad needs to realize you're an adult now, and independent. Dad needs to back off a little. American parents seem to have a really hard time adjusting to their kids' transition to adulthood compared to many other nationalities, I've noticed. Dad also may be a bit of a control freak, it's hard to know for sure from this post. In any case, it's time for him to realize you've grown up, have left the nest, and can take care of yourself.
She said she's buying a phone and giving him the number, as well as her office number for emergencies. She just wants to draw the line with the landlady. If she doesn't trust him to use it only for emergencies, she has every right to not give it to him. I get that.
If I'd needed to reach my son while he was abroad, there was a mechanism for it. I just didn't have a number for his landlord. He was not traveling alone either. He was with a group of other students and professors from his university here.
I guess I just see it as one whose dad tried to smother his kids. Still does smother my sister. If he doesn't talk to her several times a day, he gets panicky. She's a grown, married women, with 2 grown kids of her own. I love my folks, but I don't feel the need to let my dad know every time I go to the grocery store. I think the only thing that saved me was when I first married and moved away, in the days before cellphones, long distance was very expensive, and it curtailed the constant contact. I talked to them about once every week to 10 days.
Neither of my kids live near me. Both are off, out of state in college. I would never dream of calling them every day. I do not want to be a pest. They have their own lives, and I want them to enjoy it. I love and adore them, and they know it, and we really have very close relationships, but when they left, we promised not to bug them. I do not want them to cringe every time our names comes up on their caller id. I just ask that they call every now and then. One son calls about once a week, the other a little less often, but we text frequently. One thing I learned is that I get a lot more info out of them, when we talk on their time, when they want to talk. I really don't feel the need to know every little thing they do. I do not want to be like in-laws though. Hubby might have gone 3 or 4 months without talking to his folks. When they did, it was for like 5 minutes, maybe.
I guess the difference is, my kids WANT me to have all of the numbers, just in case. Perhaps I haven't smothered them enough. LOL
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