Why are teens disrespectful towards elders now a days? (girlfriend, husband, neighborhood)
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If Sandusky's victims had have known self defense there is a good chance they would have been bold enough to run from him or kick him in the crotch instead of just stand there and be raped by the old coot.
I highly doubt that. Childhood abuse has an added layer that the adult has power over your whole life, so even if when a child has the physical means, they often don't feel like they can speak up or do something about it. Abusers know how to use threats and shames to keep their victims quiet--not just practically, but psychologically. Sexual abuse is psychological abuse and it's the brainwashing part that keeps a child from speaking up or running away.
Read Lord of the Flies. Perfect forum reflecting what happens when kids are allowed to have control, and there are no rules, parenting, or parents around.
When I look around nowadays, I am seeing that very parenting being done. Kids are being raised to be bully-princes.
Parents don't exist merely to prepare food for their kids and give them a place to play with their toys and hang out. Parents exist to provide teaching, and that teaching has to be imparted in different ways, and that teaching includes the teaching of respect.
Humans are not born respecting. In fact, the most self-absorbed humans are babies. They have to be. All they do is concern themselves with themselves:
Waaaaah - (I want to eat)
Waaaaah - (I want to be changed)
Waaaaah - (I want you to come here now because I'm bored)
Waaaaah - (I want you to turn off that particular light)
Waaaaah - (I hate cream of sweet potato)
etc.
As humans grow and have more abilities, and are taught to be less self-absorbed. they need to be taught respect toward others.
Share your toys. What? I said share your toys or you're going on a time out.
Don't hit Johnny!
That's not yours, leave it alone, you can't have that
Why did you break Julie's doll? I told you to leave it alone. Now you're going directly home and no ice cream.
Later on, as kids get older, they have to be taught as well:
We're going to your grandpa's. When you're there, I want you to sit and talk to him for a while and show him you love him. Why? Because he's FAMILY, and if you don't love family, you're nothing but a one-celled animal, that's why.
If you take my car again without asking me, you will be grounded for a year.
The next time I hear you talk back to your teacher in class, we're going to sit down for a while and discuss enrolling you in a military academy.
But again, no two humans are alike. Genetics is important. Could be that you could be taught till you're blue in the face to have respect for others, but perhaps your genetic background is that of a psycho. Could be that your genetic makeup directs you to have a calm demeanor, and excellent behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
Wonder why you burnt out? Maybe cause children should be allowed to have a childhood and not be forced to be "on stage" every moment of their lives? We should all be allowed to have times when we can relax--including children. And no one should have to live in fear of being beaten because they are not meeting an incredibly high standard of behavior at all times.
My parents didn't beat me and guess what, I never got a detention (except one teacher who was just finding a way to abuse me--doesn't count), have never gotten in trouble with the law, never done drugs or drank irresponsibly. I was never promiscuous either. Oh, and no one had to whip my ass for me to turn out this way.
Sorry but you don't have to beat your child to have your child turn out well. There are other ways.
Regarding the first-names thing, I call people by their preference as a general rule of thumb (not just with elders but professors and employers) and many of them want to be called by their first name. Isn't it more polite to call people by what they want to be called rather than insisting on addressing them a certain way, even when it makes them uncomfortable?
No, not all of them treat me with respect. But not all adults treat me with respect either. Teenagers are just a bit more immature and their disrespect is a bit more blunt and overt.
But I think most teenagers are decent people who sometimes have bad days, just like the rest of us.
I'm sorry but not everyone goes by your rules. If a 15 year old cussed you out for no reason I'd understand your shock and annoyance. But nobody deserves extra entitlement because they are old.
Many older adults use cutting euphemisms, innuendo, and insinuations in the place of curse words. Is that really any better? Nope.
Well, bless your heart for being so spirited, but I'll agree with the person who said you must be young.
I have to wonder, what does it cost you to err on the side of good manners?
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan
My breeding considers bristling at strangers or people in general poor manners. How are they supposed to know that is how you treat everyone else?
I think how you address people is part of surface culture. They are unwritten "rules" that need to be taught and expected. I had instructors ask me to not call them Mr. If I did, they ignored me and this was in a small city in Texas. That was very difficult for me but I learned because I am capable of learning and remembering. I also recognized this for what it was, showing respect to somebody's preferences. They did not bristle at me though.
Perhaps some people are incapable of learning a different culture. Or perhaps they don't think it is worth learning or remembering. There are consequences for this, being bristled at one of the least.
Don't get me wrong. I don't lash out at people or get all huffy. It's more an inner bristling. I just say, very gently, "You mean Ms. Smith." If they continue to use my first name, I ignore them. As with everything else in this thread, there are ways of getting a point across without becoming that which you don't like, yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
Is that really how you treat everyone else? So if a fifteen-year-old asked you to call them Mr. Johnson, you would respect his wishes? What about a twenty-year-old?
I've yet to meet a 15-year-old who would, but you are right. In a social situation, no, I would not call a 15-year-old "Mr." Not unless he was in BIG trouble.
Again, a 15-year-old is not my peer. Neither is a 20-year-old. My friends and I do not introduce each other to kids by first name, like we would with each other at a party. We use Mr. and Ms. with kids. That is teaching them the "unwritten rules" Crisan mentioned. However, if I worked with a 20-year-old, like a college student who is an intern, then first-name basis is okay. I would take the professional lead in that situation, put out my hand, and say, "Welcome aboard, I'm Lilac."
I NEVER presume to use an adult's first name on a sales pitch, when emailing someone professionally for the first time, or in other forms of first contact in business. Doesn't matter how old they are. Usually they'll do what Crisan's instructor did and say, "Just call me John." I also called boyfriends' parents "Mr. and Ms. [Whatever]" unless and until they told me to call them something else. Even PhDs, I will address as "Doctor" unless they say "Just call me Susan." Ditto people significantly older than me, such as volunteering at the senior home. Everyone there is Mr. or Ms. because they are all a good 25 to 30 years older than I am.
I really do not understand what the issue here is. It's just polite to give people the option of telling you "Oh, no need to be so formal. You can call me [Whatever]." I've yet to run into a situation where that had negative consequences. To the contrary, people tend to be charmed by it, and it starts rapport off on a good foot. You have everything to gain by it. To bring this back to the topic, unfortunately, that is something some parents seem not to be teaching their kids, which is why threads like this exist.
I saw a bunch of kids calling an old lady in lynx all sorts of name..
Old lady complained to one of the girls that they were making a lot of noise.. That started a non stop 20 minutes of abuse of this old lady from 5 teens...
I am appalled by by the disrespect.. No common sense?
To come back to the original topic, no, no common sense. Karma has a way of paying kids like that back, especially if they happen to be in a small or midsize town, where that lady may turn out to be a boyfriend's grandmother, owner of a business where they apply for a summer job, etc.
If any teenager harassed me like that, I'd probably feel threatened and worry about my safety. It would be a shame for them to learn of my fear on the opposite end of a stream of pepper spray.
I think older people forgot that this is a free nation and plural nation starting with the declaration of independence and the bill of rights. The old dictating to the young is purely divide and conquer. Our country is not better because of that; just look at all the social problems in America.
People can agree to disagree on any issue and on any behavior. Guilt-tripping someone into behaving "properly" is mental abuse no matter how old you are. I've seen people do everything the hard way, less effective, less efficient, and less productive way all because "the elders" believed their way was better. Old people dictating reality to younger people is purely divide and conquer. And it hasn't benefited our society; just look at what the elders have done to our job market, our university system, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan
Perhaps some people are incapable of learning a different culture. Or perhaps they don't think it is worth learning or remembering. There are consequences for this, being bristled at one of the least.
Even better than Lord of the Flies. Read Night by Elie Wiesel. It's a perfect real life example book of how the elders dictated to the rest of the nation that a certain minority group must be eliminated off the face of the planet because they were "bad" (i.e., the holocaust).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua
Read Lord of the Flies. Perfect forum reflecting what happens when kids are allowed to have control, and there are no rules, parenting, or parents around.
When I look around nowadays, I am seeing that very parenting being done. Kids are being raised to be bully-princes.
Parents don't exist merely to prepare food for their kids and give them a place to play with their toys and hang out. Parents exist to provide teaching, and that teaching has to be imparted in different ways, and that teaching includes the teaching of respect.
Humans are not born respecting. In fact, the most self-absorbed humans are babies. They have to be. All they do is concern themselves with themselves:
Waaaaah - (I want to eat)
Waaaaah - (I want to be changed)
Waaaaah - (I want you to come here now because I'm bored)
Waaaaah - (I want you to turn off that particular light)
Waaaaah - (I hate cream of sweet potato)
etc.
As humans grow and have more abilities, and are taught to be less self-absorbed. they need to be taught respect toward others.
Share your toys. What? I said share your toys or you're going on a time out.
Don't hit Johnny!
That's not yours, leave it alone, you can't have that
Why did you break Julie's doll? I told you to leave it alone. Now you're going directly home and no ice cream.
Later on, as kids get older, they have to be taught as well:
We're going to your grandpa's. When you're there, I want you to sit and talk to him for a while and show him you love him. Why? Because he's FAMILY, and if you don't love family, you're nothing but a one-celled animal, that's why.
If you take my car again without asking me, you will be grounded for a year.
The next time I hear you talk back to your teacher in class, we're going to sit down for a while and discuss enrolling you in a military academy.
But again, no two humans are alike. Genetics is important. Could be that you could be taught till you're blue in the face to have respect for others, but perhaps your genetic background is that of a psycho. Could be that your genetic makeup directs you to have a calm demeanor, and excellent behavior.
There is usually a system of corruption protected and upheld by the elders. Just ask anyone who was abused by a priest. The victims tried filing complaints but everything was dusted under the rug.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
I highly doubt that. Childhood abuse has an added layer that the adult has power over your whole life, so even if when a child has the physical means, they often don't feel like they can speak up or do something about it. Abusers know how to use threats and shames to keep their victims quiet--not just practically, but psychologically. Sexual abuse is psychological abuse and it's the brainwashing part that keeps a child from speaking up or running away.
These posts provide insight to those who have issues with authority...
In a nutshell, this is what's gradually happening in regards to elders, etc.
I'm just waiting for Che Guevara to show up, or perhaps a discussion of watery tarts throwing swords in farcical aquatic ceremonies.
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I just say, very gently, "You mean Ms. Smith." If they continue to use my first name, I ignore them. As with everything else in this thread, there are ways of getting a point across without becoming that which you don't like, yourself. 
