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So I asked this one guy I get along with to hang out over summer and he was cool with it and we exchanged numbers. I brought up the new SpiderMan flick, and he mentioned that he loved SpiderMan and we made loose plans to go see it next week.
I don't want to sound creepy and I'm not gay, but I've been having this social problem for years where I couldn't make friends due to my low social skills/lack of personality/quietness/shyness, things like that. I seriously want this to work out and I even plan on working on myself over the summer break so I can get closer to other guys at school, like being more outgoing, smiling and laughing more, etc. I've tried this asking to hang out technique in the past about 2 years ago, and they all backfired. But those were different when I think about it now. I wasn't really close friends with them or didn't really get along with them. But this new guy's different. We're cool with each other, we joke around, hang out in class fine. Why should this one go wrong too?
What do you guys think? Do you think my social life is finally, after so many years of me hanging in there, going to get better? This simple, regular social life is going to make me a very happy life and it's all I'm asking for (for now, maybe a gf could come a little later...). Not even having 10 billion dollars shoved in my face would make me this happy. I really want to have the social life I had a taste of many years ago (long story, message me if you're interested)
One more thing, I'm also a little worried. Do you think he'll make an excuse later on when I call him and I got my hopes up for nothing? It's happened before, even though those that I mentioned were people I weren't really close with. But I had this feeling those times too, so maybe it's just natural and I should just dismiss the feeling and hope for the best. Let me know what you guys think.
I was really shy in high school and only had a few close friends. Less shy in college, but still quiet...now at 28 I can pretty much talk to anyone. It is possible to get less socially awkward as you get older and more confident. I think it's difficult when you really want something - whether that's to make new friends, meet someone to be in a relationship with, or even a new job or whatever to not come off as desperate and self sabatoge the thing you really want. I remember in high school there would always be that girl who was the outlier of the popular group. She just wanted it too badly and tried too hard and they never accepted her.
Try to be casual. Try to be confident. Call up this person and say hey I was thinking of going to the movie such and such day, do you want to come. There are a lot of people in this world. You shouldn't have to bust your butt to be someone's friend. People should like you and accept you for yourself. If they don't, move on.
Its great you have made a new friend and this guy seems cool, but it isn't good you seem to be hinging your entire future social life on this one guy. That is like putting him up on a pedestal and this guy could sense that and wonder why him. People can smell desperation I do believe. My suggestion would be you use the summer to start counseling and see if you don't have a social disorder that has been holding you back. Find someone who can help you get over the awkwardness. Also I would suggest you join as many hobby groups, community activities and volunteer for everything you can find as that will give you practice interacting with others.
Its great you have made a new friend and this guy seems cool, but it isn't good you seem to be hinging your entire future social life on this one guy. That is like putting him up on a pedestal and this guy could sense that and wonder why him. People can smell desperation I do believe. My suggestion would be you use the summer to start counseling and see if you don't have a social disorder that has been holding you back. Find someone who can help you get over the awkwardness. Also I would suggest you join as many hobby groups, community activities and volunteer for everything you can find as that will give you practice interacting with others.
This is really good advice, but I would add: What about a girlfriend? Romantic or otherwise women make good friends as well.
Its great you have made a new friend and this guy seems cool, but it isn't good you seem to be hinging your entire future social life on this one guy. That is like putting him up on a pedestal and this guy could sense that and wonder why him. People can smell desperation I do believe. My suggestion would be you use the summer to start counseling and see if you don't have a social disorder that has been holding you back. Find someone who can help you get over the awkwardness. Also I would suggest you join as many hobby groups, community activities and volunteer for everything you can find as that will give you practice interacting with others.
Did I make it sound like I'm depending completely on this guy for the future of my social life? That's not what I meant. This guy can be something like a...I don't what a good word for it is...maybe a starting point, or a motivator to bring up my confidence a little so I'm more outgoing when I return to school in August. I'm not "putting him on a pedestal" (I just looked up this phrase/idiom to find out what it meant). I chose him because he just happened to be there and is cool with me, and I'm not simply using him.
Maybe the counseling is a good idea. You made me think about it. I think a one-time-only session would be best. I'm sure I don't have that big of a social problem. I'm also going to work on myself like I described in my initial post. Those other social activities sound like a good idea too. I'll see what's available and what interests me.
And girls? The technical trade school that I go to has a certain lack of girls. There's only 1 girl in my class and another in the other newer group that just started about 2 months ago. Neither of them are my type for a girlfriend though I get along with them fine. I would find it a bit weird to have a girlfriend without having any other friends to go to for guy advice/discussing, etc. What if we were to break up for whatever reason and then I'd have nobody to go to after? Anyways, I want to start on the friendships first. That would be best for me.
What do you guys think now that I better explained myself?
What do you guys think now that I better explained myself?
I think you're going to be fine. When you start to get anxious, just remind yourself that there is no reason why people would not like you and you'll be fine. I sometimes recommend the amino acid supplement GABA to people who have stage fright and it works well for that, and I think social anxiety is a lot like stage fright so if you find yourself getting too tensed up, you may want to try it--it's about $15/bottle at Whole Foods which means cheaper anywhere else. You won't need it for long--when you realize that people really do like you, you won't need it anymore. And I work in a high school--it would seem that over 50% of the kids have some form of social anxiety but I'm also guessing that most move past it once they get out of HS. I was a mess but life is good now.
Its great you have made a new friend and this guy seems cool, but it isn't good you seem to be hinging your entire future social life on this one guy. That is like putting him up on a pedestal and this guy could sense that and wonder why him. People can smell desperation I do believe. My suggestion would be you use the summer to start counseling and see if you don't have a social disorder that has been holding you back. Find someone who can help you get over the awkwardness. Also I would suggest you join as many hobby groups, community activities and volunteer for everything you can find as that will give you practice interacting with others.
Those are all good activities to meet new people and practice interacting.
Hey I have an update. So I just called this guy up earlier when I was on break at work. I tried to be abit humorous to not sound boring and seem more fun. I dialed him up and when he answered, I played "Pumped Up Kicks" on my Ipod really loud and put it near the phone so he could hear it. He knows I love the song and he calls it my theme song, so I just played it as a joke.
After bringing that up, we chatted for abit about how we miss each other bro, and then it was him who brought up "when are we gonna go see SpiderMan??". I suggested tomorrow and he was cool with it and told me to call him up tomorrow before. I said alright then we said bye to each other...
So if thing's work out tomorrow, it could be my first time hanging out with a friend outside of school. This might sound weird to some of you, but I seriously can't believe this is happening. Things are FINALLY, after so many years of suffering alone and that nightmare and embarrassment in my life known as "high school", getting better!! Do you guys see things coming along for me as well? Who know what'll happen next, maybe getting invited to a party, or hanging with a bigger group, getting a girl, etc.
One thing I'm concerned about is that it'll only be just us 2. When I suggested the other week if he'll invite other guys, he said it'll be just us. Okay then I'll just go with it and have fun. Maybe after the movie we can go get a beer or something so it'll feel less awkward (if it does feel that way??).
Just some general comments... Males almost always form their friendships around the basis of shared activities or interest in common. Focus on what you like to do, go out and do it...you'll come across other friends who enjoy doing similar things. Or finding yourself invited to "tribal" gatherings.
Closer friendships are formed where one comes across an individual, where the character is mutually admired. Communications occur even in the absense of aforementioned activities.
One thing I've noticed about the younger generation coming along. The Latin American culture has had a significant influence.
In many regions of Latin America, guys are more uh, not sure how to say it. They're macho, they're quasi chauvinistic, they're more emotionally connected, when relating to other males. They more easily speak of feelings or of missing, or admiring a friend. Such as telling another male they're really attractive, or admiring some characteristic that in American culture traditionally is Taboo. They're also more physically communicative and demonstrative with closer friends, or individuals who have been "adopted" into the "tribe."
I think these are healthy and balancing developments as our culture evolves.
So good for you, and just "go with the flow"...
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