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Old 07-05-2012, 08:18 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,370 posts, read 12,754,271 times
Reputation: 10319

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Last night at the family gathering, my youngest sister debuted her brand new Pentacostal personality. (Well, she started showing it a few months ago when she made disparaging remarks about gays at the dinner table, apropos of nothing.) What started off as criticizing me for drinking a couple of Corona Lights, ended a few hours later with a smug explanation that I am going to burn in hell. I am a staunch atheist (but the type who doesn't really talk about it as I think atheism is a boring subject of conversation) so threats of hell don't bother me, but she is like a turd in the punchbowl. She totally brought down the party to a crashing halt with this annoying, judgmental talk.

My mother did not show up last night, and she explained why in an email. She said my sister is even more obnoxious and annoying with her Pentacostal nonsense than I even know, and says things so hateful my mom can't stand to be around her. My mother isn't a young woman, she is pushing 70 so this is really hurting her.

Now I don't have a problem with shutting out my sister, shunning her altogether until she gets the picture... and I can hold out for years, trust me. But my other sisters will always invite her to functions where she will continue to alienate people.

I would like to know how to get her to mind her own religious business, or at least respect the fact that everyone has a right to live their spiritual life in a manner s/he sees fit (if at all). If she weren't my sister I would brutally trash her religion no holds barred but I don't think that is the right way to go.

Who here has dealt with this sort of thing, and what did you do?
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:32 AM
 
13,813 posts, read 14,642,570 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Last night at the family gathering, my youngest sister debuted her brand new Pentacostal personality. (Well, she started showing it a few months ago when she made disparaging remarks about gays at the dinner table, apropos of nothing.) What started off as criticizing me for drinking a couple of Corona Lights, ended a few hours later with a smug explanation that I am going to burn in hell. I am a staunch atheist (but the type who doesn't really talk about it as I think atheism is a boring subject of conversation) so threats of hell don't bother me, but she is like a turd in the punchbowl. She totally brought down the party to a crashing halt with this annoying, judgmental talk.

My mother did not show up last night, and she explained why in an email. She said my sister is even more obnoxious and annoying with her Pentacostal nonsense than I even know, and says things so hateful my mom can't stand to be around her. My mother isn't a young woman, she is pushing 70 so this is really hurting her.

Now I don't have a problem with shutting out my sister, shunning her altogether until she gets the picture... and I can hold out for years, trust me. But my other sisters will always invite her to functions where she will continue to alienate people.

I would like to know how to get her to mind her own religious business, or at least respect the fact that everyone has a right to live their spiritual life in a manner s/he sees fit (if at all). If she weren't my sister I would brutally trash her religion no holds barred but I don't think that is the right way to go.

Who here has dealt with this sort of thing, and what did you do?
I think you said it best yourself. this is really all you can say besides telling her she is being a obnoxious, pushy and judgmental. just come out and tell her no one wants to hear it. best of luck.
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,370 posts, read 12,754,271 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
I think you said it best yourself. this is really all you can say besides telling her she is being a obnoxious, pushy and judgmental. just come out and tell her no one wants to hear it. best of luck.
I did say this last night. Her response basically was, "Yeah but you need to know that you are going to hell. BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!"
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:45 AM
 
12,887 posts, read 15,421,155 times
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Ask her if (before she embraced religion) she thought she was a lesser person......ask her if she judged people before she became pentacostal....ask her if now that she is..... she feels that disrespecting others choices and feelings is OK because SHE'S found a religion....ask her if being pentecostal means it's ok to be rude and hurtful towards her family. Ask her why she presumes that SHE (in the name of the lord, no doubt) has the right now to judge and discriminate against other family members because they believe differently than she does....ask her why her new found "religion" has not taught her to be compassionate and tolerant of others ways and beliefs without being so smug......ask her just WHAT has her new religion taught her about being a better more kinder and understanding person.
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:50 AM
 
3,395 posts, read 3,352,482 times
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As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. ...

Romans 14:1-23

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Old 07-05-2012, 08:58 AM
 
1,950 posts, read 3,294,441 times
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Honestly, the best thing to do is just ignore her. Any disparaging remarks she makes, act like you simply don't hear them or just say something like, "oh, okay." And then try to digress and talk about something else.

My grandmother (whom I live with), is the same exact way. Every single day she has something negative to say, but when a famous paster choked their daughter, I didn't hear anything about that.

If your sisters' judgemental ways get worse, then I would simply just let her know that you aren't interested in hearing any criticism she has to say.

Funny how some religious folk are also the most judgemental, pessimistic, close-minded individuals I have ever met.

What happened to loving one another...?

Sorry to those who take offense...but that is why I said "some"...
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:10 AM
 
7,099 posts, read 24,489,321 times
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The next time she tells you that you are going to hell, tell her, "Great! Then I won't have to listen to you run your mouth throughout eternity." If she continues, then tell her that the Eternal Fire would be better. If you keep along those lines of conversation, she will either shut up or blow up.

The bible says that I can't go into the Lord's House (heaven??) because I am a bastard. This pleases me because I can't imagine spending an eternity being with a lot of "Christians" that I know.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:10 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,712,118 times
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I really detest this kind of behavior, because it gives Christianity a bad name. In that sense a few, not anywhere close to most, of those who have discovered faith suddenly consider themselves better people than the rest. And that just completely contradicts the faith as I have always understood it. And condemning people to hell just ain't part of it.

I've noticed similar behavior in people who have had a sudden change in their foundational beliefs. In their enthusiasm, everybody is supposed to believe in the same truth they have discovered. For example, newly reformed alcoholics can be just about the worst. Because 12-Step programs worked for them, then everybody should go through a 12-Step program, whether they have problems or not. And, of course, they can't understand the difference between modest alcohol consumption and the kind of drinking that created their problems in the first place.

Perhaps your sister needs a little gospel thrown her way. Heck, Christ said it himself, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Oh, and mention that Christ's first miracle was turning water into wine. And it was really good wine. Not Welch's Grape Juice.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:11 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,754,510 times
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OH brother, I have a friend who became a born again and just couldn't take it anymore. I went to Catholic School for 12 years and had the bible and all the bull rammed down my throat. I disassociated myself with organized religion later and, not to offend those that do, I do not subscribe to the teachings of the Catholic Church anymore. Now, I can quote you chapter and verse if you really want to go there, but this girl drove me insane. Every time we got in the car I had one hand on the handle ready to jump out I didn't care if it was moving.

It was something over the phone that finally pushed me to my limit, amongst other things, and I just finally let her have it. I told her, ahem, "I am so very happy you've found something that makes you happy, but you need to learn there are people who know more about what you are talking about than you do and you need to stop ramming your ideals down other people's throats like you have the only answer to anything. I've had 12 years of Catholic School and I can punch a hole in every theory you bring up. If anything you want to believe in then believe God taught tolerance and since you don't seem to have any than maybe you need to brush up. I have no interest in your cult-like bull **** and I've frankly had enough of it. Next time call church and not me." Click.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:24 AM
 
34,361 posts, read 41,436,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post

Who here has dealt with this sort of thing, and what did you do?
One of our family friends has gone off on this Islamic thing,She now wears long clothing that looks like pajamas to me,head always covered and she's even putting on a fake Arab accent,all the while telling us how bad we are living our lives and Allah wouldnt approve or words to that effect.
I no longer look forward to her occasional visits as she never stops going on about stuff she's found in the Quor-an,
I have no idea whats caused this and its becoming irritating to me and the wife who are total non believers in religion..
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