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Old 07-11-2012, 09:27 PM
Location: Honolulu
388 posts, read 542,482 times
Reputation: 457


My 2 sisters and parents all live on the same island as me, all within 20 minutes driving distance and the only time I ever talk to them is at family get-togethers, which average about 5 or 6 times a year. It's more than enough for me. I don't really have any animosity towards them, although I don't agree with a lot of the way they do things, but we're just different people, without much in common. I'm also not even sure they'd help me if I had a real emergency, my dad would be the most likely to help.

Family will always be family, there's nothing you can do about that, but for me "blood is not thicker than water". At least your friends or partner is someone you chose to be with because of their characteristics, not because of something you can't control (like blood relationships).
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Old 07-11-2012, 11:18 PM
13,061 posts, read 12,741,425 times
Reputation: 22870
Originally Posted by life time student View Post
My brothers and sisters and I are very close and we talk by phone at least once a week and by email even more often. Even though we live in different cities we make an effort to see each other often.

So when I met my wife I was shocked how little she talks to her brothers and sisters. They only see each other at Christmas and don't communicate at all the rest of the year. They spend most of Christmas staring at the TV and making small talk that is incredibly shallow and boring. We put in an appearance and spend lots of time looking at our watchs figuring out why our four hour obligation seems like a lifetime. (There must be something wrong with our watches!!)

So how common is the family that only sees each other on Christmas and does not talk any other time of year?
I rarely see them. They are relatives. I don't even see them on holidays every year.
We don't have a lot in common. And we live in other states.

We send cards on Christmas and every three or four holidays we might get together.

Blood may be thicker than water, but what the hell does that mean?

Love is stronger than sharing the same parents. "Like" may be even stronger.
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Old 07-11-2012, 11:22 PM
Location: southern california
52,126 posts, read 54,390,995 times
Reputation: 43944
not much. my kid sister and brother decided long ago that i was a fool and knew nothing and that they had all the answers. its been a rough life for the both of them and a great life for me. i can only offer a bit of cheese with their whine.
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:18 AM
5,388 posts, read 10,373,771 times
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Im the odd ball in my family. My mother, brother and sister are all hot tempered, self absorbed and dysfunctional. I'm not perfect but my personality is on the other end of the spectrum. I think growing up with so many fighters just didnt sit well with me. I find the constant in your face stuff mentally taxing. I need calm. My sister and I have had a long history of squabbles. We do talk but it goes in spurts. We will talk several times a month and then go a year without talking. She is older than me and I still think she bears some sort of resentment she had to give up her only child status. She really hangs onto things from the past. My sister and brother are both heavy drinkers and having hot tempers, it doesn't mix well. I have been out to dinner with my sister, all is going well but if she has a few drinks then it all changes. Her facial expression changes, I see hatred in her eyes and then I get the whole, "you know what your problem is....?" I tend to feel very anxious around them. Waiting for the next argument or mean spirited comment.

I moved away from them a while back. It did me a world of good. My brother has never been family oriented. His buddies always come first even to this day although he is married with children. Its like he never grew up. He rarely does anything with his family. He doesn't know where I live and has no desire to even visit me. My sister has visited me once but its only because she needed a favor that required her to come see me. Pretty much its all about them, all the time. Rarely do they ask what i am doing, how my husband or child is. Both have unstable marriages with a lot of fighting. I stopped going to my brother's parties years ago even before I left the state. I couldnt handle the way he treated his wife. Im surprised they haven't divorced yet. Sometimes people need to be away from their families.
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:50 AM
9,554 posts, read 6,323,820 times
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I see my sister at weddings or funerals. My brother passed away a few years ago and called me as he was dying ... the first time I had heard from him in 20 years.

But ... I was born late in life to my parents and my sister was graduating from high school and my brother was in the Navy stationed in Japan. They were never in the home when I was growing up.

My own children are all grown and living out on their own. My middle daughter attempts to stay in contact with her sister and brother but gets discouraged when they don't reciprocate. She never forgets their birthdays and I don't think they even remember hers. It's sad and I don't say anything to my son or daughter even though in the past I have called them to remind them your sister's birthday is coming up, please at least call her.

My mother came from a large family and they were close. Every week having dinner together and in and out of each others homes. But I guess we can't all be the Waltons and it's sad.
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:57 AM
24,999 posts, read 18,303,576 times
Reputation: 25413
My older brother and I talk and of course we have our tiffs, but we get over it and are supportive to each other. We are also very respective to each's relationships with different members of my family. I don't have one with my father and my brother keeps trying. We never push each other's agenda on the other.

Now my younger brother, OH MAN. Not only will he not let things go, he takes it to extremes and momma's baby needs some seriousl therapy. Just this past fourth of July I stopped at my mom's and he was there and no one else was so I said, "Come sit with me and have a chit-chat." To which I was greeted with an F-you and Go f-yourself.

One year I got him a Christmas present and he was the only person I got one for. He shows up at my house and threw it from the driveway and broke my window.

On another occasion, I got very, very sick, I couldn't stand up, sweating profusely and just wanted to fall asleep but had bed spins and I completely lost my vision...something was wrong and I was scared to death. I kept trying to call 911 but kept messing it up because I couldn't see the dials of the telephone. I started randomly hitting the autodial buttons and got him. I asked him to call up to the farm and find mom and could he come get me or call 911. He said, "Yeah, I can do that." He never shows up and no phone calls. I dialed him back and I got a "This number has been changed to an unlisted number." He never called my mother or 911, no, instead he just trotted off to his car and drove down to Florida to see my brother and SIL. During my follow up my doctor said, "you are familiar with the phrase "knocking on death's door" I said, "Yes" and he said a few more minutes and I would have been. I was literally dying from renal failure and crawled outside hoping one of my neighbors would see me and help me.

Not only did the twit not call 911, he actively participated in leaving me to die. I thought and still think it's the sickest thing a stranger let alone your own relative could do to a person. It was almost like he derived pleasure from it.

There's more, way more, but you ge the idea. So, it's pretty easy to say we not only not converse with each other - we can't even be in the same room together.

Last edited by Thursday007; 07-12-2012 at 01:11 AM..
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Old 07-12-2012, 03:25 AM
Location: Honolulu
388 posts, read 542,482 times
Reputation: 457
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I rarely see them. They are relatives. I don't even see them on holidays every year.
We don't have a lot in common. And we live in other states.

We send cards on Christmas and every three or four holidays we might get together.

Blood may be thicker than water, but what the hell does that mean?

Love is stronger than sharing the same parents. "Like" may be even stronger.
Exactly what I believe. I mean when you think about it you had no choice in who your family is. How can you love someone because of who they are rather than their character. You do have a choice about who your friends, partner is. I do give gifts for Christmas and birthdays but that's only because I feel like I have to. It's just an empty ritual for me, no meaning behind it.
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Old 07-12-2012, 03:44 AM
Location: Australia
4,005 posts, read 3,323,803 times
Reputation: 6627
It always pays to keep them on side.

Your sibs are genetically very close to you, and may come in handy if you need a kidney or something.

Just sayn...
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Old 07-12-2012, 05:54 AM
738 posts, read 624,031 times
Reputation: 955
Both sisters call me every day. Started when we were in our 50's. We are all done working and none of us have children. We always got along well.
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Old 07-12-2012, 10:14 AM
Location: Texas
31,779 posts, read 30,203,421 times
Reputation: 41857
Originally Posted by ShellNic View Post

So, Stan...can you answer Bob's question? I think MANY people try because it is family and get screwed. I think many people were not raised the same way as you...and believe me, I want to be close to my family. I like the "idea"...but reality is something different...I haven't given up on the others.
I think what's happened is that you did get screwed.
You got screwed out of having a very valuable relationship because of what you just said.
The way people are raised.
I'm not blaming an individual parent or whatever. But an entire culture.
And it perpetuates itself.
If so many posters on here outright say and believe that the sibling bond is not an important one if it's difficult to maintain, they will pass that right onto their kids, too.
Every day of my life, my parents said to my brother and me, "Hey! Be close. Love each other. Support each other. Be each other's greatest resource, greatest fan." And then they created an environment in which this could flourish. But that's our culture. In the country they grew up in, family was the most important thing in the world.

Don't get me wrong. There have been times I have thought my brother was a narcissistic, entitled brat. In fact, I kind of still do. But he's my brother. We'll always be there for each other. No one is perfect (I bet he has some choice thoughts about me!). I always try to forget about the things about him that irk me and just have a good time with him. And I usually do. And sooner or later he will say some pompous ass sh*t that will make me roll my eyes, but I am also laughing on the inside.

Your sister wasn't given the proper training and attitude towards family. She should cherish you even when she disagrees with you and you're making her batty. You are the winner here - it is never a waste of time to try for family. Don't feel bad for trying to do the right thing. It's her problem, not yours.
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