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A and B. A: Back in the 80's when I was doing police work, as I was reading reports about people going missing, I wondered how long I could be gone until someone started looking for me (well, that, and there was a popular press photo of Jaclyn Smith with a caption about her still calling her father every weekend, if not night). So I started up the habit of calling my parents every week, at least.
B: When my mother was widowed and I was the nearest child, I started calling her once, twice a day to talk and to check in.
Now that my parents are gone, the habits of checking in extend over to my brothers and I check in with them with a call on the weekend. It is more that I call them than them calling me.
Further, it is probably more oriented to that original reason, signalling up, just in case. When I'm going out of the city area, such as out to the ranch or riding my bike in the country, I usually tell a handful of people that I am doing that.....and when I'm back in city limits.
My siblings and I all live rather mundane lives, so there isn't much to talk about on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. It also gives us more to talk about when we do get together for the holidays, reunions, & occasional visits. When I see them, I am genuinely happy to reunite. I think if we were always conversing, we would start meddling in each others lives and drive each other crazy.
My father came from a very large, very close family, my mother had 3 sisters and hasn't spoken to them with my knowledge since her parent's passed away and the sisters went nuts and basically tried to cut my mother out of the will entirely.
I have one brother, and one sister. Sister is only 18 months younger than I am, but we never got along. Completely different personalities. She's a raving liberal, I'm a hard core conservative. That carries over to pretty much every aspect of our lives, if I said the sky is blue, she'd dissagree and proclaim it teal or something.
My brother is 7 years younger than I, so about the time he was getting up to the age where he was talking and able to do stuff, I was in high school and moving out so we never spent much time together as kids.
We are more alike, but his wife is the main sticking point for my being around him more than for holidays or family gatherings. She doesn't like me and the feeling is mutual. I doubt I've had more than 50 words with her in the 27 years they've been together.
I'm very close to my parents, and even though I live 150 miles away from them, I call or they call me at least once a week, and I drive down to their place nearly every weekend to help them out, repairing the house, working on the place, cutting timber and wood etc.
My brother lives on the same property as my parent's, my sister lives 5 miles away, but she only see's my parent's when they want a babysitter or need something. It's nearly impossible to get them to help my folks with fencing or caring for the place.
My brother will help sometimes with mechanical work on vehicles, but usually only after my father calls and asks for assistance, or something he will do from the seat of his excavator. He does put money into the kitty for them by paying for parts at the store or something, but physical labor or coming over to their house by himself is pretty rare.
We do share some stuff like beef or pork, garden stuff we grow, eggs, turkeys, chickens etc. but as far as talking to them, I only see them at family gatherings and while I have a pretty good relationship with my niece and nephews, I have trouble doing more than being polite with my siblings.
Usually, the only contact I have with them is through my parent's.
It isn't the best situation, but since I live so far away from them, I don't have to interact with them much, so we don't openly feud for my parent's sake. I'm much closer to my cousins and other extended family than my siblings, so I still have a lot of close family.
Sad, but I have no idea how to change the situation.
My brothers and sisters and I are very close and we talk by phone at least once a week and by email even more often. Even though we live in different cities we make an effort to see each other often.
So when I met my wife I was shocked how little she talks to her brothers and sisters. They only see each other at Christmas and don't communicate at all the rest of the year. They spend most of Christmas staring at the TV and making small talk that is incredibly shallow and boring. We put in an appearance and spend lots of time looking at our watchs figuring out why our four hour obligation seems like a lifetime. (There must be something wrong with our watches!!)
So how common is the family that only sees each other on Christmas and does not talk any other time of year?
It's not uncommon. I know a bunch of people who rarely speak to their siblings. Heard 1 rotten person say he wished his elderly mother would just die. It happens. Just cause you're related doesn't really mean anything.
Haven't spoken with my brother in years. There is no bad blood, we were just never close as children and as adults have much different values and interests so we never bothered to keep in contact. Glad you are able to have a close relationship with your siblings but like any relationship YMMV.
Im mid 50s have a brother 2 yrs older sister 7 yrs younger. We see each other maybe once a year. We all have other families thru marriage and as it happens we all spend way more time with the in law families than with each other. 15-20 years ago we saw each other much more. But back then my sister and I were both single and brother had a different wife, and mom and dad were both alive.
When we started not seeing each other as much about 10 yrs ago, it was bothering me. Then I thought back to when my dad aged from 40 to mid 50s. He had a large family 5 brothers 1 sister, when he was 40 and I was a little kid they saw each other monthly if not more often, But when Dad was in his 50s and after it was maybe 2X a year, and that only for the brother he was closest to.
It's normal. A lot of siblings grow up to be completely different people and can't find much common ground beyond them being related. Others have large age gaps so never really grew up with each other.
I talk to my sister on a semi-regular basis, and she's only 2 years older than I am. We're also quite similar in terms of personality - outgoing, kind of brash.
I have 5 siblings and am extremely close to 3 of them. My younger brother in TX has called me almost every day since my son died 5 years ago. I see my sisters at least once a week and we talk several times on the phone.
We were all raised to be honest, caring and moral people. My 2 older brothers must have different genetic makeups than the four of us.
My oldest brother chooses to pick and choose when he wants to be a part of the family and I've just come to accept that in the past year and I no longer feel the need to try to force a relationship he doesn't want with any of us. If he wants to come around, that's fine, but my siblings and I are just tired of his lack of being a part of the family.
My other older brother is a narcissist and has managed to alienate everyone in the family and I am finally done with his ways.... I just can't do it anymore, nor can my siblings.
Both of them caused my Mother much heartache because of their personalities being so self centered and not caring about anyone but themselves.
I love and cherish my siblings that love and cherish me and that's all that matters. I'm blessed to have them!
I have 4 siblings. All of us are married with kids of varying ages (3yo-20yo). 4 siblings live within an hour of one another, and within an hour of the town where we grew up. I live thousands of miles away (and always have). I was home for a memorial last month, and hadn't been home for 4 years before that. Not one of my siblings has come to visit me for about 14 years or more (in spite of saying they'd like to come/plan to come). I text with my younger two brothers maybe a few times a month, and almost never communicate with my older brother and sister. I am definitely closer to my younger siblings, but I'm not opposed to my older ones. When we do all get together in person, I wouldn't say we sit in awkward silence at all.
I am the youngest of 6. The two oldest are sisters who are 15 + years older than me. I talk or text with them every couple of months or so.
The other three are brothers. We pretty much have zero communication with each other. The oldest of them, 10 years older than me, was busy with his own life and wasn't interested in me. The other two who are slightly older than me went a different path when we were in our early teens and they ended up not really liking me because I wasn't like them. The lack of common experiences and interests 35 years ago has just perpetuated our estrangement. Plus I'm afraid if I work on a new relationship with my brothers they are just going to ask me for money.
I'll admit that I'm pretty jealous of people who consider their brothers and sisters their friends. My sisters are great, but the age difference has always made a really close relationship a challenge. My brothers are all beset by the challenges of life and have been their entire adult lives, which has proven financially disastrous for my mom. I recognize that for the sake of my family I have to keep a distance from them. Terrible to say, but true.
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It happens. Just cause you're related doesn't really mean anything.
