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Besides criminal activity or utter betrayal, I don't get why siblings wouldn't be good friends.
But it was something our parents drilled into us from day one - that when they were gone, we would have each other to lean on, count on, relate to...
It's also another person who knows you pretty much your whole life and shares your history.
If people who are related have a common interest, then they are friends. Otherwise, there really isn't any reason to force it. Life is not a TV show where everyone has petty problems and quirks, but everyone is best of friends in the family. I know people who don't speak to the rest of their family any longer, which ranges from they have nothing in common to they don't get along at all. I also know of people who talk about dreading holidays having to spend it with people they truly despise. You aren't great friends with everyone who lives on your street or apartment building, why should there be this expectation that everyone in a family should get along any better. It is a very high price to pay to spend your time with people you don't like with the thought that some day when you need them most they will really come through for you. Nonsense, you have a really good friend who isn't part of your family, you could lean on them if needed.
I think with family you have to try harder than just, "Oh, you don't like those bands or like watching football? Well, then you're boring and I don't really want to have anything to do with you."
My brother was 3 grades behind me (though only 2 years younger). We were never at the same school, had none of the same friends, he's a boy, I'm a girl, he's cheezed me off like no one in the world, I'm a doctor, he's a (ick) lawyer, etc...but we were best friends.
That's not the same thing. If someone is difficult to get along with, has a personality disorder, is a drug addict and criminal, that's not the same as a disagreement over which sports team or the flavor of the week band. People who think that's why family doesn't get along have not spent any time with friends who can't deal with their family any longer.
I just had a phone call with my mother about this. She being 85 and at her age wanting to keep in touch with EVERYONE because "that is what families should do". UGH!!! Really? Life is not a Disney movie. She firmly believes that if you stop talking to someone in your family you will "live to regret it". NOT!!! I haven't spoken to my sister in years, my brother doesn't talk to any of his siblings in years and my mother forces herself on family members by inviting them out for meals. I forgot to ask her if she likes the idea that people go out of obligation...or a free meal. Because some of these people she is breaking bread with NEVER get in touch with her at all unless she initiates it AND she does point that out. She behaves really pained about all of this and I just shrug my shoulders and tell her people are very different and do what they need to for themselves.
She feels we should all tolerate everyone's quirks, character flaws...etc.,. I told her, yeah good luck with that.
Your mother is a wise lady. And patient as well I see.
You may or may not understand her deeds yet some of us here , actually have had much luck at being appreciative and keeping in touch with those LIVING. -
My brothers and sisters and I are very close and we talk by phone at least once a week and by email even more often. Even though we live in different cities we make an effort to see each other often.
So when I met my wife I was shocked how little she talks to her brothers and sisters. They only see each other at Christmas and don't communicate at all the rest of the year. They spend most of Christmas staring at the TV and making small talk that is incredibly shallow and boring. We put in an appearance and spend lots of time looking at our watchs figuring out why our four hour obligation seems like a lifetime. (There must be something wrong with our watches!!)
So how common is the family that only sees each other on Christmas and does not talk any other time of year?
Depends on the family dynamics when the siblings were growing up. In a dysfunctional family you are probably going to see siblings that barely talk to each other and unfortunately there are a lot of dysfunctional families these days.
My sister and I are only a year apart so we fought a lot when we were younger. Once we hit our 30's, got married and had children we became much closer.
However I have a half brother and sister from my father's second marriage. I see my half brother maybe once a year and my half sister never. He is 19 years younger than I am and I used to babysit him. She is 23 years younger than I am and was born when we lived in separate states so I don't really know her and don't care to from the few conversations we have had.
I have 2 siblings, an older brother and younger sister. I was never close to my brother and he was a straight a$$hat to me when we were younger but we get along for the most part now. Even before I moved 1400 miles away we rarely talked or spent time together, as he married a woman who keeps his family busy at a breakneck pace. We text every few months or so now.
My sister and I have gone through various stages of closeness in our lives. For the past 3 years we've estranged in a lot of ways as my husband I decided to move our family away and she will never forgive me for it nor try to understand it. I hope that changes but I'm not terribly optimistic about it, as she considers my moving as a huge betrayal to "the family". But there was no way I was going to sit and rot in CA while I wanted and could obtain a better and more stable life in TX. We text every so often.
I don't recall my parents ever trying to really foster close relationships for the 3 of us other than trying to guilt us into being close. My brother tortured me as a child and teen and they never did anything to protect me from him other than to tell him to stop bothering me. It affected the way that I saw myself in many ways and I'll always resent them for not doing more to shield me from my brother's taunting. My parents also took to talking about each of us kids to each other when one kid was doing something they didn't like or agree with. I have actually gotten texts from my mother that were meant for my brother or sister, talking crap about me. She "mistakenly" sent them to me. Right....
How am I supposed to stay close to siblings that my parents have wanted me to turn against and take sides when they didn't do what my parents thought was "right"?
I have 2 daughters who are close in age and my husband and I are going to do whatever we can to help them create a loving and loyal relationship. We would like them to be close forever but we know that a HUGE part of that is dependent on us, by treating them equally and without playing favorites. My husband is close to his sister and my SIL adores my husband so we as parents would like to help our own girls really have a healthy and close relationship.
As for the notion that siblings are faaammiiilllyyy and should be close all I can say is this: blood may be thicker than water but sometimes blood gets tainted.
I'm an only child but I would hope that if I had siblings, we would've been close. My mom has five siblings, and she has a good relationship with most of them except for the love/hate relationship with her oldest sister. Sometimes they get along but they argue a lot. My dad has seven siblings- one brother hasn't spoken to him in decades, but he gets along well enough with his other siblings although they aren't close.
I don't take my brother's calls. He'd only be asking for money so why bother? I see him twice a year on Mother's Day and my mom's birthday. Last Mother's Day he and my mom double teamed me to get me to "lend" him money. Made for a really fun lunch.
I'm sure it's great to have siblings you can rely on and enjoy a relationship with them. I'm just not that lucky. I know some people believe the whole "blood is thicker than water" thing where you should forgive any and all bad behavior from a blood relative. I'm not one of them. IMO family are the people who reciprocate the love and concern you have for them, who are there when you need them like you're there for them and who bring positivity and joy to your life. I have lots of friends who are family and some family who aren't family to me at all.
Haven't seen or heard from my younger brother since 2005.
HE chose to divorce us after our father's suicide.
Too much time has passed to even consider reaching out.
The choice to contact him in the event of my mother's passing has been left to me by her.
The twisted stories he's told everyone churns my stomach. I'm good with being an only child.
My mother on the other hand, had her heart broken.
My sister is the oppposite of me. We love each other but if we weren't related, we wouldn't be friends because we don't get each other. We have very different lives by choice.
I get sad when I see other sister's behaving like best friends but it is what it is. We text every few months and we know each others lives and worries, and I know I could rely on her in an emgerceny. That's better than not having a sister at all, I guess.
i dont really talk to him unless i see him at my moms and even then we dont really talk.. We just dont have much in common with 5yrs between us
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