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I have a homeless Brother who I had just found. I was adopted and hadn't known him for 52 years of my life.. I let him come stay here for awhile but he started acting weird talking to himself, trying to run my house, and then tried pick a fight with my Husband. I kicked him out with a big fight. Then that night he went and got himself arrested... And then 6 months ago he apologizes to my Husband, and convinces him to let him come stay again. He goes and puts up a tent in my backyard, it was only suppose to be for 2 weeks... Well it got to be 3 months, I finally had enough and he moved up north with his Daughter but, that only lasted a week.. He came back and now he has built a make shift cardboard house on the side of my home, which I was unaware of until we found it yesterday...He has chairs, clothes and food in boxes on my front porch. Goes and recycles things for money which he never gives even a dime to us... He doesn't talk to me much and has never really bonded with me, my kids are afraid of him, and I want him out.. I have became disabled and ill with lymphedema in both my legs since this has all happened, and he is taking full adavantage of my Husband and I. How do I get rid of him without a fight... Should I call the Police to remove him from my property? At this point, I am so sorry I ever tried to find him in the first place...
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Your brother has problems that you can't fix. He may be your flesh and blood, but you don't know him. If your kids are afraid of him he's got to go. Call the police and have him removed from the property. I think a psych eval for him may be in order too.
About 10 years ago, I had let my brother stay with me after he got laid off. I didn't realize he was such a heavy drinker and I ended up kicking him out for drinking to blackout state and freeloading.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. He shows up in my city uninvited and unexpected with no job, no money and no car looking to freeload with a family member. I refused because I had already been through this and now he is living with my other brother. He hasn't learned anything in the past 10 years and is still in the same situation. He doesn't really talk to family unless he needs something. And this time, he didn't even bother talking to anyone...just showed up. It took less than a week for him to start causing drama in my brother's house and I am sure he won't last long there unless he starts contributing in some way.
There is a big difference between someone that wants to take advantage of family to finance their poor choices and someone who is temporarily in a bad situation and needs a little help to get themselves in a better state. Blood does not factor into it for me. I have found that it is just an excuse to guilt trip someone into giving up much more than they would ever give up for a non-relative or putting up with bad and abusive treatment that they would never put up with from a non-relative.
A friend of mine allowed her sister to move into her home after the sister lost her job and had financial troubles. The sister and her were always distant and are completely different people. If it weren't for the blood relation neither of them would give the other the time of day.
Now a year has passed and the sisters unemployment is over, she is still broke and jobless. She rarely leaves the house and is not looking for work. Just freeloading. (She refuses to move out and has no where to go or will other friends family members let her live with them. She would be homeless if she moved out.)
If it were you, how would you evict your brother or sister who is freeloading.
It wouldn't even get that far. I'd be on their a$$ every day about where they're looking for work, shoving classifieds and listings in their face asking which ones they've followed up on and the like because I'm not an enabler and I don't give a man a fish. If anything, they'd get tired of fighting with me about it and leave on their own lol
I most certainly wouldn't give them the impression that they can stay as long as they want without making an effort. I know it's tough to find a job or pull yourself out of debt because I've been there, but the point is whether or not you're trying and I will make it clear to you that you can turn right back around and walk back out the second I see that you're not.
People get into all this oh but it's family and you're supposed to and blood blahbety business. Great. Or maybe if you love someone, you'll encourage them to better their lives and strive for self-sufficiency so they have a chance at a prosperous and healthy future and some stability in their old age.
Maybe having the strength to do that is just as much proof of your love and concern instead of taking the emotionally easy way out by allowing them to mooch off of you indefinitely so they become codependent halfwits incapable of standing on their own two feet, all because you can't say no.
Some don't have the heart for tough love. I don't have the heart not to use it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by franchisca13
I have a homeless Brother who I had just found. I was adopted and hadn't known him for 52 years of my life.. I let him come stay here for awhile but he started acting weird talking to himself, trying to run my house, and then tried pick a fight with my Husband. I kicked him out with a big fight. Then that night he went and got himself arrested... And then 6 months ago he apologizes to my Husband, and convinces him to let him come stay again. He goes and puts up a tent in my backyard, it was only suppose to be for 2 weeks... Well it got to be 3 months, I finally had enough and he moved up north with his Daughter but, that only lasted a week.. He came back and now he has built a make shift cardboard house on the side of my home, which I was unaware of until we found it yesterday...He has chairs, clothes and food in boxes on my front porch. Goes and recycles things for money which he never gives even a dime to us... He doesn't talk to me much and has never really bonded with me, my kids are afraid of him, and I want him out.. I have became disabled and ill with lymphedema in both my legs since this has all happened, and he is taking full adavantage of my Husband and I. How do I get rid of him without a fight... Should I call the Police to remove him from my property? At this point, I am so sorry I ever tried to find him in the first place...
It sounds like possibly among other things, he's suffering the affects of institutionalization, which can occur just as much within the "institution" of the streets as it can from a long stint in prison. It's very difficult for people who've adapted to being homeless and have begun to experience symptoms of some of the disorders it can trigger to go back to a "normal" life, so it's not uncommon for them to feel compelled to maintain some semblance of that homeless identity and reality (e.g. the cardboard box) and to have an issue coexisting within a family unit.
It's clear he has to go, but remember that what he needs more than anything else is therapy. I agree with the other poster who said you should call the police and have him removed and maybe mention as an aside (if they can't see for themselves) that you think he needs to be admitted somewhere.
Last edited by cyberphonics; 09-26-2014 at 12:01 PM..
Fun aside, I think it always depends on the situation.
1. Is this person/friend/relative/whatever actively looking for work? If so, are his/her expectations of the desired employment realistic or too high?
2. How does he/she contribute to the chores at home? Paying any bills? Clean? Free babysitting? taking care of yard?
3. Does he/she seem to be happy to live there and get too comfy or trying to do something to better her/himself?
4. How big is the house we all live in?
5. How are my finances, does one person more to feed burden me?
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well said!
