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Old 07-20-2012, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Florida
416 posts, read 628,351 times
Reputation: 373

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Well yes, I have. And it was my mother. (I can just imagine all the evil glares I must be getting )

She married an alcoholic/drug addict and bought a home under her name she couldn't afford, and got a second mortgage on it to fix it up. After he left her she stopped paying on the mortgage, only paid the second mortgage and her credit cards, so the house was under threat of being repoed. I gave her some money to pay towards the mortgage to forestall the repo, but instead of paying the mortgage she put it toward her vehicle and the electric. I'd find this out later and so stopped giving her money. Of course she pulled a guilt trip on me, crying about having to live on the streets selling her body, so we got a place together under my name with the stipulation that she would pay me rent. I let her transfer her electric.

It worked out ok for about a year, then she started paying me later and later. It got to the point she was several months behind on rent. So I inquired as to what the deal was. Turns out she was paying more than due on her vehicle, and she was letting the electric bill slide as well(It was even shut off once), even though she had more than enough money. After months of arguing with her about her finances, I gave her three months to vacate. She of course complained she couldn't afford to vacate, so I gave her three more months free rent so she could save up. To her credit she moved out within two months. She had lived with me for about two and a half years.

She has since got a house with my sister, but she is running my sister out. I suspect she will lose yet another house. She is something of a toxic person, no one can stand to live with her for long. I was working two jobs while she lived with me so I didn't have to deal with her much, but my brothers also lived there(Rent and utilities were split four ways, it was very affordable) and I heard no end to her escapades when we went out on the weekends. So knowing that my mother is unbearable(And I do know it firsthand) and isn't honest, I would not let her live with me for free.

The only way I would kick a moneyless sibling out was if she/he was toxic and an unsustainable drain to my stability.

Last edited by kitsunegames; 07-20-2012 at 08:08 PM..
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Old 07-20-2012, 11:11 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,059 posts, read 83,912,900 times
Reputation: 114301
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitsunegames View Post
Well yes, I have. And it was my mother. (I can just imagine all the evil glares I must be getting )

She married an alcoholic/drug addict and bought a home under her name she couldn't afford, and got a second mortgage on it to fix it up. After he left her she stopped paying on the mortgage, only paid the second mortgage and her credit cards, so the house was under threat of being repoed. I gave her some money to pay towards the mortgage to forestall the repo, but instead of paying the mortgage she put it toward her vehicle and the electric. I'd find this out later and so stopped giving her money. Of course she pulled a guilt trip on me, crying about having to live on the streets selling her body, so we got a place together under my name with the stipulation that she would pay me rent. I let her transfer her electric.

It worked out ok for about a year, then she started paying me later and later. It got to the point she was several months behind on rent. So I inquired as to what the deal was. Turns out she was paying more than due on her vehicle, and she was letting the electric bill slide as well(It was even shut off once), even though she had more than enough money. After months of arguing with her about her finances, I gave her three months to vacate. She of course complained she couldn't afford to vacate, so I gave her three more months free rent so she could save up. To her credit she moved out within two months. She had lived with me for about two and a half years.

She has since got a house with my sister, but she is running my sister out. I suspect she will lose yet another house. She is something of a toxic person, no one can stand to live with her for long. I was working two jobs while she lived with me so I didn't have to deal with her much, but my brothers also lived there(Rent and utilities were split four ways, it was very affordable) and I heard no end to her escapades when we went out on the weekends. So knowing that my mother is unbearable(And I do know it firsthand) and isn't honest, I would not let her live with me for free.

The only way I would kick a moneyless sibling out was if she/he was toxic and an unsustainable drain to my stability.
I don't blame you. A person who is using you is a person who is using you, even if it happens to be your mother.
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Old 07-21-2012, 03:57 PM
 
737 posts, read 1,143,867 times
Reputation: 1013
I would never take a person in. For some people (damn few) I would pay their way for about a month in a decent motel but that would be about it. My home is mine. I did not buy it to let others live there. I don't even want an overnight stay from a relative. That is what motels and hotels are for. I make it a point to have 1 bed. The number of bedrooms doesn't change that.

If it was a sibling with major health problems I would make an exception and take them in. If we weren't close I wouldn't take them in either.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:18 PM
 
2,687 posts, read 7,385,541 times
Reputation: 4212
Default ditto...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jrsygrl51 View Post
couldn't do it. Blood is thicker than water my Mom always said. I would take her in any day.
to this....
Koale
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Old 08-01-2012, 08:59 PM
 
657 posts, read 714,192 times
Reputation: 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I kicked a friend out. My best friend for a number of years.

She was an alcoholic who had been in recovery for seven years. I was divorced and living in my mother's home with my daughter, and she'd lost her job and decided to move back to my part of the state. She and my daughter got along well and they came up with the idea of us all renting a house together. I paid 2/3s of the rent/utilities and she paid 1/3. Right after she moved in I started to suspect she was drinking again. I confronted her, and she went to AA. Right after THAT she found out she had cancer, lymphoma. Because she was on unemployment/temporary disability, she got charity care and received all her medical treatment/chemo/meds from the state for free. It took about nine months, and the cancer wasn't curable, but they could get it out of an aggressive stage and she could potential live another 30 years with it, just watching her health and her immune system.

So, what did she do upon completion of her treatment? Started to drink from dawn until she passed out around midafternoon, usually by the time my daughter got home from school. Sometimes burners on the stove would be going because she cooked something and forgot to turn off the stove. One time she'd passed out in the kitchen right on top of the dishwasher and broke off the racks and the door. I called her family, I called her AA buddies, no one could help her and she just didn't want to quit drinking. She'd stand there slurring and stupid and swear she hadn't had anything to drink.

I had to put her out. My daughter's dad was an alkie and I got rid of him. There was no way I was going to subject my kid to having to live with another self-centered drunk. And I was angry as hell--I know the AA/Al-anon rhetoric and recitations about how their drinking has nothing to do with you--but it DOES. The alcoholic gets to merrily live their life in a haze without responsibilities or remembering what they did while those around them bear the brunt of their addiction and clean up their messes.

I have not seen her in three years now. She has called and left messages pretending to want to "make amends", but she is drunk when she makes those calls. It is sad to lose a friend or relative to addiction, but sometimes kicking them to the curb and pretending they are dead is all you can do to retain your own sanity.
glad you had the balls to do that
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Old 07-27-2014, 12:01 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,566 times
Reputation: 10
This is an old thread.. I can see that. But I had to put in my $.02. Blood is definitely thicker than water and when a relative turns to you it is your responsibility to take them in. I know we all love our personal space and I know that some relatives will try to mooch as you let them stay with you.. but fact of the matter is that god only gave you one family and you don;t want to be remembered as someone who would kick a family member out on the street. I would suggest talking to your sister and laying down some ground rules.. Something like no alcohol in the apartment. That on it's own could remedy the situation on its own.. it is amazing how resourceful an alcoholic can be when they find out that alcohol can't be used at their place they are staying.

I would try these approaches before trying to kick her out personally.
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Old 07-27-2014, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,655 posts, read 60,289,862 times
Reputation: 101007
Every situation is different, but no adult staying in my house is going to be a freeloader. If they're not working outside my house, then they darn sure better be working INSIDE my house - in other words, doing what they can to "earn their keep." And anyone living in my house can expect to abide by my standards - pick up after yourself, keep your area and yourself clean, do your share of the chores and upkeep of the property, be courteous and pleasant, be respectful of the owners' schedule and bedtimes, etc.

In an area with available jobs, I'd give an able bodied adult about three months max to find a job and become self sufficient. I'd help them as much as possible to accomplish that goal. If they weren't actively trying to better their lives and become self sufficient, they'd be out of my house and it wouldn't matter to me whether I was related to them or not.

I will not be involved in a co dependent relationship in which I enable another adult to be a lazy, freeloading bum.
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Old 07-27-2014, 02:05 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,521,360 times
Reputation: 36262
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Every situation is different, but no adult staying in my house is going to be a freeloader. If they're not working outside my house, then they darn sure better be working INSIDE my house - in other words, doing what they can to "earn their keep." And anyone living in my house can expect to abide by my standards - pick up after yourself, keep your area and yourself clean, do your share of the chores and upkeep of the property, be courteous and pleasant, be respectful of the owners' schedule and bedtimes, etc.

In an area with available jobs, I'd give an able bodied adult about three months max to find a job and become self sufficient. I'd help them as much as possible to accomplish that goal. If they weren't actively trying to better their lives and become self sufficient, they'd be out of my house and it wouldn't matter to me whether I was related to them or not.

I will not be involved in a co dependent relationship in which I enable another adult to be a lazy, freeloading bum.

Agree, and if the person who needs help has any smarts they will make sure to clean up after themselves, and also make themselves useful. Clean up the house, mop the kitchen floor without being asked to.
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Old 07-27-2014, 02:42 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 3,315,598 times
Reputation: 6151
I was in a like situation some years ago...
I was living with a woman (not my wife); we were good friends with benefits. Anyway, after some time I noticed that she was very hypocritical (Me, me, me) I got sick of her crap and moved temporarily in with my sister. At first sis complained about ppl staying at her place, but the complaints quickly ended when she saw I was actively apartment hunting. She was even more impressed that I paid a couple of her bills while I was at her place, and did the food shopping.
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Old 07-27-2014, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,655 posts, read 60,289,862 times
Reputation: 101007
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
I was in a like situation some years ago...
I was living with a woman (not my wife); we were good friends with benefits. Anyway, after some time I noticed that she was very hypocritical (Me, me, me) I got sick of her crap and moved temporarily in with my sister. At first sis complained about ppl staying at her place, but the complaints quickly ended when she saw I was actively apartment hunting. She was even more impressed that I paid a couple of her bills while I was at her place, and did the food shopping.
Now THAT'S the right attitude.
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