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Old 07-26-2012, 06:05 PM
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
Reputation: 8956


I just got triggered by THREE passive-aggressive people . . .I detest this form of control . . .One person shuts you down when the conversation turns to something they "don't want to deal with" and then does not respond to calls or messages, another uses you when convenient and then when you contact them, no response, the third says one thing but then changes it and then blames you for not understanding the new rules - and only responds to texts or emails when it benefits them.

This is the most irritating behavior in the world.

I want all of the passive-aggressive a-holes to explain what they are thinking - do they like having horrible relationships? Do they need power so badly they will stop at nothing?

I am furious at the moment because I always try to be a person of good will and I got tricked again into thinking the other people were going to play fair and they won't.

And, yes, they have "won," because I am upset - they have one-upped me - it's all about power and not about getting along or really understanding each other.

I HATE you passive-aggressive people!

Old 07-26-2012, 06:08 PM
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,160 posts, read 20,451,301 times
Reputation: 26438
Sounds like you need some new friends.
Old 07-26-2012, 08:14 PM
Location: St. Louis
9,593 posts, read 17,168,542 times
Reputation: 13420
Maybe they just don't like you.
Old 07-26-2012, 08:17 PM
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
Reputation: 8956
Whether they like me or not is moot. There is no excuse for playing mind games with people. It's a form of control and it is horrible to experience.
Old 07-26-2012, 08:18 PM
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
Reputation: 8956
Double bind - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Old 07-27-2012, 06:19 AM
Location: PA
838 posts, read 1,017,649 times
Reputation: 1758
They are just idiots who can't get over themselves...however, you can take control by getting over them!
Old 07-27-2012, 06:20 AM
Location: Orlando
8,178 posts, read 16,545,172 times
Reputation: 49780
My DIL is very passive aggressive.....after I met her parents I understood why.

That helps me deal with her....to a point.

A few times, I've had to come right and and tell her to say what she wants and not to leave clues. Don't expect me just to know!
Old 07-27-2012, 07:49 AM
Location: Wisconsin
7,215 posts, read 7,906,740 times
Reputation: 7740
One way to overcome passive aggressiveness is to not give them the choice.

"Hey, I know you're very busy, so if I don't hear from you by the end of the day, I'm going to do _______." Tends to work out well.
Old 07-27-2012, 08:00 AM
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,713 posts, read 4,090,249 times
Reputation: 6250
I think we can only hope that they will recognize this behavior, but my experience is that they NEVER will. It's a very normal response to be peeved when you deal with these sorts, and yea, sometimes it lingers. I suppose it depends on my relationship to that person as to how long it takes me to get over it or even whether I let it bother me.

I have this "friend" who exhibits most of the qualities described in the 3 examples given: she will never come right out and say what she wants and her feeble attempts at being my friend are transparent. I first thought she was a better friend so I used to get super irritated - only in the last few months though have I realized she's a crappy friend. This makes it easier to not fall into her trap.

I have a couple of family members who are never wrong, are never responsible for their words or actions and have to control every situation to the point of laughability. These people are much more difficult to deal with but as I've gotten older and put some distance between us, I now can deal...I tend to laugh at them...A LOT...they're ridiculous.

I don't know if you can get away from these folks, but definitely put some distance between you. Substitute that irritation for some little private joke and maybe that will help you breeze by these people...they really don't deserve to be catered to...JMO!
Old 07-27-2012, 08:53 AM
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,851,419 times
Reputation: 8956
After reviewing the link above, I am aware of the power dynamics . . . the reason the behavior is so maddening is because you can't deal with it directly - in the case of my example, one of the people is doing my family a favor, so I can't rock the boat and have a fit and expose the person's passive-aggressive behavior - so they have the power. The other two people are relatives - one, I can't tell what I think at this point (because they are going through something and wouldn't be able to deal with "my issues") - I did text the third person that I don't like to be ignored.

My problem is that in every new interaction with these people, I expect decent, direct treatment - if they contact me and begin talking to me about something, I always return the phone calls, emails or texts, promptly - but none of them feel compelled to offer the same consideration. It's maddening. It's totally all about power . . .
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