rich sister...poor sister....family income inequity... (funerals, funeral, partner)

[L'Artiste]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

No, none at all.

But desperate people will do desperate things. You will steal a loaf of bread to feed your family or commit some other desperate act. I honestly believe anyone is capable of anything. Most of us go through life fat, dumb, and happy because no one ever pushed those buttons in just the right order.

Stealing this last quote .

[yellowsnow]

Originally Posted by fumbling

To me, this is the "father-daughter" version of the "rich younger sister-poor hardworking older sister" situation I posted about...I don't understand why a father in that situation would turn his back on his daughter...if you think that highly of the daughter that you would GIVE money to her if you were wealthy because you think she is a hard working good person and deserves better, why wouldn't the wealthy father also see the good in her that you see and help? If he is a bejillionaire, how could he stand by and not pay for the knee surgery she needed to avoid being crippled and wheelchair bound or help in other ways? Is the daughter the only child or if she has siblings, how are the other siblings treated by the father?

The two women are treated pretty much the same. They get nothing. Sometimes not even Christmas gifts or cards even. His son..... He would give the son anything he had without hesitation. And he got plenty. I think he was sort of old world in that sense.

[Upstate Nancy]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

Here's the rub. Her father is in his 80's and he is a bejillionaire. He still has and runs his own business that he built up himself. He is a self made man. He lives the American dream. Came here as an emigrant with only a couple bucks in his pocket and through hard work, he made it big. I have always liked and respected him. Maybe even revered him a little. I don't know too many people who did what he did. But I hate it that he won't help his daughter. To him, what she needs is chump change.

I saw him recently for the first time in years and he still looks the same. He was talking about his big plans to leave everything to the grandkids. I just wanted to shake some sense into him. What his grandkids really need is for him to take care of their Mom. This whole situation makes me incredibly sad. Because it's fixable and the one person with the means to fix it, won't.

Wow, this guy is either incredibly out of touch, denial or a full core sadist.

[yellowsnow]

Originally Posted by Upstate Nancy

Wow, this guy is either incredibly out of touch, denial or a full core sadist.

It makes no sense.

My friend and I used his lakehouse quite often and we always DID something. Like wax the hardwood floors, heavy duty cleaning, work on the landscaping. Just so he would know we were grateful. I don't think any of the others ever did that and I don't know if he even noticed. But it made me feel good to do it.

In a lot of ways, he treated me more like a daughter than his daughter. There was a time when he would offer ME money. I'm sorry now that I always refused! He did take us out to dinner every now and then. AHHH, a glimpse of how the 1% lives. Dinner at the Fort Worth Petroleum Club. Where there were no prices on the menu and no one cared!

He always was eccentric. And his wife is just about my age. But my friend has been a good daughter and has always helped him whenever and however she could. He despised my husband. He always called him 'That Boy'. We never figured out why.

He did pay for his daughter to go to school. She graduated and actually got two degrees. She had to work much harder than the average student because she is dyslexic. But after she graduated, the purse strings closed. Even for medical problems.

If I had to pick one of your options, I would go with out of touch. I would guess there is going to be a real battle when he dies! I was in Texas in January and I was glad I got to see him again.

[LitheLassie]

I am the "poor" sybling and have a rich sister.
We grew up educated, lower middle class and both graduated from good universities and went on to have different careers, making about the same income while we were single. Actually I did better for awhile during the mid 1990s.

Our income disparities began after we both got married--- she to someone prominent in his field, whereas I married a creative, self-employed guy. She had one child, I had two. My husband continued to make a modest income, her husband became extremely successful....she stopped working. I stayed at home as well, to be with my young children, but at great detriment to my family's bottom line.

We both live in the same city, but our lives are far apart. My family still struggles, and I work, sending my kids to public school. My sybling doesn't work, now has a very privileged life including an vast, impressive home, housekeepers, their child goes to an exclusive private school, they own other properties and take many international trips per year.

I am curious if others have had family dynamics like mine. My only sybling and I grew up close, travelled together and had a close family of origin. My syb and I lived together when we were single "Yuppies". Now we are no longer in contact.

The reasons are complex, but one of them is her apparent insensitivity to those around her who are not living at her level. My sybling no longer remembers her roots....... growing up fairly modestly compared to affluent people in my big city. She behaves as if her life was always this privileged.

I don't get what happens to people when they become wealthy. Their priorities shift and alot of their lives become about where they holidayed, their home renovations, their new toys, and mingling only with a set of people at that level. Their values and upbringing can go right out the window. And once people have money, you want, want more.

My sybling, once a girl who shopped at "Ross Dress for Less", now stays in $750/night hotels and is clueless to the economic difficulties most Americans face. She is completely indifferent to the plight and problems of the middle class, including the "shrinking wallet", skyrocketing health insurance, bad public education, as her child does not attend a public school.

Ironically, she is very philanthropic and has donated generously to causes and politics. I guess she's what you'd call an "armchair" liberal. Support the poor from afar. Just don't let them get too close.

To me wealth is not about how much "stuff" you have accumulated, or who you can impress, but having a spiritual compass, good family relationships and friends, and giving of yourself, not just from your wallet

"What matters isn't how much you love, but how much you are loved by others." --- the Tin Man

[LitheLassie]

OOPS, wrong thread!

[RMD3819]

Originally Posted by LitheLassie

I am the "poor" sybling and have a rich sister.
We grew up educated, lower middle class and both graduated from good universities and went on to have different careers, making about the same income while we were single. Actually I did better for awhile during the mid 1990s.

Our income disparities began after we both got married--- she to someone prominent in his field, whereas I married a creative, self-employed guy. She had one child, I had two. My husband continued to make a modest income, her husband became extremely successful....she stopped working. I stayed at home as well, to be with my young children, but at great detriment to my family's bottom line.

We both live in the same city, but our lives are far apart. My family still struggles, and I work, sending my kids to public school. My sybling doesn't work, now has a very privileged life including an vast, impressive home, housekeepers, their child goes to an exclusive private school, they own other properties and take many international trips per year.

I am curious if others have had family dynamics like mine. My only sybling and I grew up close, travelled together and had a close family of origin. My syb and I lived together when we were single "Yuppies". Now we are no longer in contact.

The reasons are complex, but one of them is her apparent insensitivity to those around her who are not living at her level. My sybling no longer remembers her roots....... growing up fairly modestly compared to affluent people in my big city. She behaves as if her life was always this privileged.

I don't get what happens to people when they become wealthy. Their priorities shift and alot of their lives become about where they holidayed, their home renovations, their new toys, and mingling only with a set of people at that level. Their values and upbringing can go right out the window. And once people have money, you want, want more.

My sybling, once a girl who shopped at "Ross Dress for Less", now stays in $750/night hotels and is clueless to the economic difficulties most Americans face. She is completely indifferent to the plight and problems of the middle class, including the "shrinking wallet", skyrocketing health insurance, bad public education, as her child does not attend a public school.

Ironically, she is very philanthropic and has donated generously to causes and politics. I guess she's what you'd call an "armchair" liberal. Support the poor from afar. Just don't let them get too close.

To me wealth is not about how much "stuff" you have accumulated, or who you can impress, but having a spiritual compass, good family relationships and friends, and giving of yourself, not just from your wallet

"What matters isn't how much you love, but how much you are loved by others." --- the Tin Man

I once read something that Donald Trump said-something about rich people have rich friends because they don't ask for money.

[Book Lover 21]

Originally Posted by fumbling

If I had $10 million and no debts and income of $1 million a year, and my sibling worked hard and had a middle class lifestyle, I would be happy to do something nice for my sibling, like an airline ticket or other travel opportunities, and I wouldn't want my sibling to clean my house. And if I were the middle class person and my sibling were the $10 million person, and if I were to get an airline ticket or get to travel somewhere I wouldn't normally get to go, thanks to my sibling, I wouldn't feel like a leech, I'd simply feel grateful that my sibling did something for me that a stranger wouldn't do. If I had to, I would clean people's houses for income, but I would feel stupid if I had to clean my siblings house for an airline ticket. That sibling might as well be a stranger if I had to do that. There are things you do for family that you wouldn't do for strangers.

I feel like clarification is in order. I never asked my sister to pay for the airline ticket. I had too much pride to ask. I never asked a family member for money and I'm pretty sure that unless my children were starving, I never would. I have a wonderful relationship with all of my siblings and they with each other. I think part of the reason for that is because there are never money issues. We have different income levels and net worths, but I would never think, "Well, she has so much more than me, why doesn't she GIVE me some?" I guess that's one of the differences between liberals and conservatives, I'm a conservative.

What she has done for me is act as an excellent mentor and role model. She has been there for me through the most difficult periods of my life. She is a wonderful aunt to my children as well and never forgets a birthday, anniversary, etc. To me, this is worth much more than the price of an airline ticket.

[fumbling]

Well, does she help you invest or give you advice so monetarily you could do more with your money or do you like to just clean houses?

[fumbling]

Originally Posted by LitheLassie

I don't get what happens to people when they become wealthy. Their priorities shift and alot of their lives become about where they holidayed, their home renovations, their new toys, and mingling only with a set of people at that level. Their values and upbringing can go right out the window. And once people have money, you want, want more.

I agree...they tend to turn their back as opposed to helping with advice or insight...