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Old 07-26-2012, 06:21 PM
18,858 posts, read 22,788,175 times
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Does your family have rich members and poor members? Should wealthy siblings have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones?
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Does your family have rich members and poor members? Should wealthy siblings have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones?
What do you mean by like...."help out?"
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:45 PM
Location: California
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No responsibility. I know someone from a large family who is the only one who went to college and became a well paid professional. He did things right, made smart life choices, didn't have a ton of kids he couldn't afford, etc. but some of his siblings didn't finsh HS and had a bunch of random kids who now have problems and they just keep spiraling downwards with each new generation. A few live in poverty and have substance abuse problems and generally go out of their way to make the WRONG choices in life. He "helps out" by pitching in to repair the roof or buy a new water heater and such, but he can't support them and he can't just give them money without risking his own financial security. After all, if he goes down there is nobody in his family to help him get back up...
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:46 PM
Status: "Go Cats!" (set 6 days ago)
Location: Kirkwood, DE and beautiful SXM!
11,688 posts, read 15,110,228 times
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My family does have rich and poor members. I believe in helping those who will help themselves and I generally do not believe in handouts. My cousin, who is my age and always was considered the smart one, has made a career of biscuit making at fast food restaurants. She has always gotten public assistance in some form even though she is quite capable of getting a job. We tried to help her and she even lived with us for a while, but at that time she would rather watch cartoons than take a nice job that she was offered. We no longer help her.

My late brother in law was uneducated, had a few physical and mental disabilities, and received assistance for most of his life. We helped him but did not just hand out money. We paid him to take care of the lawn and to do general maintenance in a home that I had inherited. My late MIL worked in the kitchen of the local elementary school until she was forced to retire. That was her only work history and she received a small check. When she went to live with my SIL, those of us who could, gave her and my SIL money every month. DH is very good about making sure that his family is taken care of and that is one of the reasons that I married him.

DH and I grew up poor and have worked hard. I am extremely grateful that we have some measure of success but we did not get there by being slackers nor did we walk all over people. I know that I sound like I am on my soapbox, but I expect people to take personal responsibility or at least as much as they possibly can.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:08 PM
Location: San Antonio, TX
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My sister and her husband have more than twice the income that my husband and I have. I have two kids, she has none. I am a full-time mother.

Surprisingly, our standard of living is about the same. Our houses are about the same size (although mine is 20 years newer), we both have two vehicles, etc. They spend a ton on restaurants, concerts, clothes, little electronic gadgets (like ipods and kindles), and stuff like that. We don't.

For what it's worth, I would rather beg on a street corner than ever ask my sister for money. She's offered to help with some unexpected expenses that have come up, and we always thank her and then refuse.

Considering that she and her husband both have degrees (her husband has a master's), you'd figure they'd be living in a much fancier house than ours, have nicer cars, all that good stuff, especially since they have two incomes, but that's not what they seem to choose to spend their money on.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:21 PM
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,506 posts, read 19,258,906 times
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Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Does your family have rich members and poor members? Should wealthy siblings have a responsibility to help out less fortunate ones?
Good topic OP.

My brother is a plastic surgeon. he wouldnt lend me 2 cents (Not that I would ever need anything from him, or ask). That said he is married to a narcissist who spends his money like water.

No, I wouldnt ever expect any help from a sibling. better to expect nothing from people, so you are not disappointed.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:56 PM
Location: Southern New Hampshire
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I have one sister that I have financially helped sometimes. They live near Las Vegas and once when her husband was unemployed (but looking) their a/c went out. This was the summer and they had used all their savings because of husband's unemployment. There was no way they could manage without a/c in 100+ temps. I sent them a check to fix it as soon as she told me how much it was. I did not expect to be paid back, but my sister sends me $50 whenever she can, which is most months.

My sister has worked her entire adult life, but she is a teacher's aide and they don't make much (and get no pay during school breaks). She works with autistic and other special-needs kids (honestly, I don't know how she does it -- I would go bonkers). I don't think twice about helping her out. If she were lazy I would probably think differently, but she is one of the hardest workers I know.
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Old 07-26-2012, 08:28 PM
39 posts, read 81,546 times
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Great topic.

As the rich sibling in my case I do not feel any obligation to help out my siblings. None of us is stupid or disabled, we all had the same parents and opportunities and we each decided what we wanted to do with our lives as in what to become, where to live, which shops to shop in etc.

Yes I studied longer to earn what I do but I also am more frugal and have made decisions such as living in the boondocks rather than in the city like the rest of my family so my money can go further for me. No way am I sacrificing/budgeting my life for their benefit.
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Old 07-26-2012, 08:29 PM
1,558 posts, read 1,370,187 times
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I am less well to do than my siblings. But, even though I sometimes have to take on extra work to make ends meet or to pay medical bills for one of the children, I would never mention that to my siblings or take money. No, I don't think family has a duty. Though if we were ever short of the basic necessities, I bet we would help each other. I sure would.

Plus, my house is the one that every one wants to come and spend vacation time at. Very laid back. Lots of outdoor activities.
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Old 07-27-2012, 06:16 AM
Location: Orlando
8,182 posts, read 13,661,141 times
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I'd say no.

I'm one of four children...the oldest three of which I'm included have worked hard and put in our time for what we have.
The youngest feels like he's owed something both in his personal life and his professional life.

When his 1st child was born, I sent over some $$ to help pay for stuff like diapers, bottles...you know...basic stuff. I believe my older sister did also. I then discovered that he treated himself to a new tatoo that I know cost more than $200. From then on I TOOK diapers and supplies over. No reason for the child to suffer because of his irresponsiblities. But I won't pay for his extras. I'd like to say over the years he's matured but he's found he can tap into his MIL instead of us.

I'm by no means rich but I do ok...I help those who help themselves.

My husband also has two aunts that are quite well off and by that I mean in the millions. They would help if we really really needed it but while a couple of his sisters have no problem trying to bleed them dry, we never have and hope to never have to ask.

Bottom line...it's a nice feeling to be able to help but nothing is OWED.
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