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Hoosier, I am so very sorry your family is going through this very painful time. I hope there is a change before its too late. I can tell you that the death of a parent is a very painful thing to go through. The fact that they have been ill beforehand, didn't make it easier in my mind.
Alcoholism and drugs are a medical illness . The person needs Medical attention. If they ignored it for 50 years that was their choice. Truth is reality.
Hoosier --- you can't change your parents, but do take care of yourself. I don't spend the holidays with my family either. I'm not trying to show anybody anything or get anyone to change. I do it for myself.
I come from a family of alcoholics. My mother drank to mask the symptoms of her schizophrenia, with only limited success, of course. She was murdered on Thanksgiving night in 1987, but she had already lost a lobe of her lung to cancer, and she never did quit smoking.
My father is still alive at almost 75, but a few years ago he took one of my stepmom's sleeping pills after he had been drinking, and he passed out and split his head open. He's still drinking, because when I was there visting a month ago, he had hidden a bottle of wine in the refrigerator. I know that he's not about to stop. He smokes as well, and that's also a habit/addiction that he's going to continue until the day he dies.
I'm grateful that my father lives across the country in Florida, and I only see him once every few years. I had enough of living with substance abuse when I was growing up, and it wasn't at all pretty. If that makes me cold and heartless, so be it. I do love him, but I can't stand to be around him and watch him slowly self-destruct.
Hoosier, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Take care of yourself, your wife, and your kids. They deserve your attention much more than your parents do.
As I was making plans to have my family over for Thanksgiving, I thought about you and your family and wondered if you will be seeing them.
Sadly, no we won't be getting together. There was a big blow-up late last month and both my brother and I have ceased all communication with our parents. It goes beyond the drinking and smoking, but they're definitely factors. Thank you to everyone and your heartfelt comments I truly appreciate them! And yes, I will be taking care of my wife and kids first and foremost.
Hoosier, you are in my thoughts...I'm wishing you all resolve...and sending a lot of positive thougthts your way.
Hugs
Creme
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