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Right. But just by asking them, you set yourself for disappointment. If you stick to "never asking anything in return" with no exceptions, then you'll be less likely to be disappointed. Tell them you'd rather bleed to death on their front lawn, than ever dare ask them for a band-aid.
So let me get this straight...you didn't read the post and now you're making fun of the OP. I think you should be ashamed of yourself for bothering everyone because you can't read past the first post. Some people...
Ya see, I DID read the whole crying rant that is really so self-centered I wanted to puke!!
This person claims to be an adult but sounds like a spoiled brat to me.
Why are you being so rude? This woman has explained over and over again, for the slow ones out there, that the Kindle really brought up a deeper issue. And because of time constraints, it wasn't really a doable thing to go right then (or even the next few days).
It's not unreasonable to think your FREAKING PARENTS would be nice, but the bigger issue is they're not that awesome. They're self absorbed. Why is that so hard to understand why that might be hurtful? The Kindle is just something that was incidental.
I'm not being rude. I'm being straight. She's turning a simple mistake on her part involving a THING into a huge issue in her family. She's turning something that could easily be rectified into a source of stress and aggravation for herself and for those around her by making it so much more difficult than it has to be. She left her Kindle there. Now her mistake is a power struggle dredging up a lifetime of angst.
Over a Kindle.
Not life-saving medication.
A Kindle.
Really?
If she's too busy to get it, then oh well, suck it up and go without!
Your daughter lives an hour away from you. Just get in the car and go get the thing yourself.
Really. There are millions of people with daily commutes longer than that.
I may do that Thursday. Actually, she lives an hour and fifteen minutes away from me. So that makes the trip to get my Kindle about 2 1/2 hours round trip.
You know, I just thought - it was just a crazy thought really - but I just thought my parents MIGHT pick it up themselves since I thought they were driving within five minutes of her house on the way here.
Apparently I was wrong on all counts.
See, here's the thing. I know that when they travel, they occasionally use interstates. I know that they also use side roads sometimes, but they just recently drove to Virginia and they specifically told me that "the interstate traffic really wasn't so bad."
So I find this sudden "Sorry. We don't drive on interstates in broad daylight in the sunshine in a rural area for twenty minutes" to be sort of - I don't know - odd.
I may do that Thursday. Actually, she lives an hour and fifteen minutes away from me. So that makes the trip to get my Kindle about 2 1/2 hours round trip.
You know, I just thought - it was just a crazy thought really - but I just thought my parents MIGHT pick it up themselves since I thought they were driving within five minutes of her house on the way here.
Apparently I was wrong on all counts.
See, here's the thing. I know that when they travel, they occasionally use interstates. I know that they also use side roads sometimes, but they just recently drove to Virginia and they specifically told me that "the interstate traffic really wasn't so bad."
So I find this sudden "Sorry. We don't drive on interstates in broad daylight in the sunshine in a rural area for twenty minutes" to be sort of - I don't know - odd.
Maybe this is their way of not enabling you. Look at it this way: You will never forget your Kindle again, right?
Honestly, if it's causing you this much upset, maybe you should go talk to a professional because something like this shouldn't be dredging up so much stuff. It's really not worth the emotions it's stirring up in you. They're never going to change. Your only options are to accept them as they are, or drive yourself up a wall trying to make them something they are not.
They're in their 70s. They only have so many years left. When they die, none of this will matter. Or, at least, it shouldn't.
I'm not being rude. I'm being straight. She's turning a simple mistake on her part involving a THING into a huge issue in her family. She's turning something that could easily be rectified into a source of stress and aggravation for herself and for those around her by making it so much more difficult than it has to be. She left her Kindle there. Now her mistake is a power struggle dredging up a lifetime of angst.
Over a Kindle.
Not life-saving medication.
A Kindle.
Really?
If she's too busy to get it, then oh well, suck it up and go without!
Holy crap.
I'm not bothering my family about it. I'm venting on a forum instead. Less messy.
When my parents told me they wouldn't do it, I called Fed Ex, and discussed options, and then called my daughter and said, "Forget it - I'll just get it later." Then I called my parents and told them, "You know what - I was wrong to be irritated. It's my problem. Not yours. Don't worry about it."
THAT'S when my mom started in on all this "You're going to drive to get that thing, aren't you? Well, that's just YOU BEING STUBBORN AND WANTING YOUR WAY! Not only that, I think people who drive on the interstate are STUPID and you're being STUPID to take your life into your hands just to get a book thingie!" Then my dad gets on the phone saying, "No, don't you drive to get it." (I never said I was driving to get it, by the way.) "If it makes you happy to make us compromise our values and go pick it up, that's what we'll do."
OMG. Talk about emotional manipulation. I had just told them not to worry about it, that I was wrong to be irritated about it, and that it was my problem and I'd take care of it. GOD FORBID that they get on the interstate for twenty minutes and have something happen to them getting that damn Kindle for me!
No winning this one. The biggest mistake I made wasn't forgetting the Kindle - it was asking my parents if they would be willing to pick it up. At least just forgetting it doesn't involve more than minor inconvenience on my part. Asking if they'd be able or willing to take five minutes to help me opens a whole other can of worms!
Maybe this is their way of not enabling you. Look at it this way: You will never forget your Kindle again, right?
LOL, they've never enabled me in the past. I've been self sufficient and on my own since I was 18 years old.
I may forget my Kindle again (though it's unlikely - I'm not the forgetful type). But I won't be asking them for help, that's for sure!
Quote:
Honestly, if it's causing you this much upset, maybe you should go talk to a professional because something like this shouldn't be dredging up so much stuff. It's really not worth the emotions it's stirring up in you.
Yes, you have a point. I did get several years of counseling regarding how to deal with my parents. May be time for a refresher course, especially since they are only probably going to get worse as they get older.
Quote:
They're never going to change. Your only options are to accept them as they are, or drive yourself up a wall trying to make them something they are not.
They're in their 70s. They only have so many years left. When they die, none of this will matter. Or, at least, it shouldn't.
Well, you're right again on many points, and thanks for the reasonable response.
I can't change the past, and I can't change their mindset or habits. But what I CAN do is remind myself not to expect much from them when it comes to warm fuzzies and fairness.
I'm not bothering my family about it. When my parents told me they wouldn't do it, I called Fed Ex, and discussed options, and then called my daughter and said, "Forget it - I'll just get it later." Then I called my parents and told them, "You know what - I was wrong to be irritated. It's my problem. Not yours. Don't worry about it."
THAT'S when my mom started in on all this "You're going to drive to get that thing, aren't you? Well, that's just YOU BEING STUBBORN AND WANTING YOUR WAY! Not only that, I think people who drive on the interstate are STUPID and you're being STUPID to take your life into your hands just to get a book thingie!" Then my dad gets on the phone saying, "No, don't you drive to get it." (I never said I was driving to get it, by the way.) "If it makes you happy to make us compromise our values and go pick it up, that's what we'll do."
OMG. Talk about emotional manipulation. I had just told them not to worry about it, that I was wrong to be irritated about it, and that it was my problem and I'd take care of it. GOD FORBID that they get on the interstate for twenty minutes and have something happen to them getting that damn Kindle for me!
No winning this one. The biggest mistake I made wasn't forgetting the Kindle - it was asking my parents if they would be willing to pick it up. At least just forgetting it doesn't involve more than minor inconvenience on my part. Asking if they'd be able or willing to take five minutes to help me opens a whole other can of worms!
My point stands, though. You're 50. It should be pretty obvious by now that they are who they are and that's just who they are. You can either work with them as they are, or you can put yourself through this.
I'm not trying to whack you over the head. My sibs and I are all in our 40s and 50s. We've had times where we've had to stand back, reassess, and just let go of all of those things that throw us right back into our childhood dynamics. Nothing promotes regression like family.
Now our parents are dead. That's why I'm saying that none of this matters. You probably don't want to get stuck with this as one of your more recent memories of yours. You never know when they're going to be taken from you. If I were you, I'd smooth everything over, and enjoy what time I have left with them. You'll be glad you did.
And now I'll stop writing because we are both online at the same time and probably talking past each other. Good luck!
I guess, Kathryn, some people have wonderful parents who lavished them with love. And so fairly and evenly among all the siblings. And they made sacrifices for their children instead of making their children incidental. I'm happy for them. I'm happy that their parents NEVER put their materialistic goods above the needs of their own flesh and blood.
But some of us understand how that one little thing, something so innocent, could turn into a nightmare. Some of us understand that parents are indeed selfish...and even when you're old (sorry...me, too), little things as not helping their own kid out is REALLY FRUSTRATING. Some people are so well rounded that nothing ever bothers them. Good for them.
Why are you being so rude? This woman has explained over and over again, for the slow ones out there, that the Kindle really brought up a deeper issue. And because of time constraints, it wasn't really a doable thing to go right then (or even the next few days).
It's not unreasonable to think your FREAKING PARENTS would be nice, but the bigger issue is they're not that awesome. They're self absorbed. Why is that so hard to understand why that might be hurtful? The Kindle is just something that was incidental.
True dat, and thanks.
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