U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-08-2008, 01:04 PM
 
3,646 posts, read 9,597,245 times
Reputation: 5443

Advertisements

This thread reminds me of my mil... sort of.

Back when my husband was in the Navy and our kids were babies. We'd see his mom every other year. I think it was her second visit, he was at work, and she made some comments. She'd made several snide remarks in the past, but this time I got pissed and confronted her. She went off on how her son ALWAYS took care of the kids, fed them, changed diapers, cleaned up and how I sat on my ass and did nothing.

After listening to this ignoramus go off, I then reminded her that in the past 390 days, her son had been in port 72. Of those 72 days, he was home for 36 of them. 2 of them had been the first two days of her visit. During those times he was home, he'd take of primary care of the kids... both to bond with them and to give me a break. In addition, he took care of the house and all the chores (with the exception of laundry and any necessary shopping - lesson learned!). Again, to give me a break. Yes, he "worked", but while on deployments or underways, they do not work 24 hours a day. Even "duty" days in port just meant he couldn't leave the ship, still worked just about 4-8 hours a day, depending on the watch schedule. During those times however, I was home alone with the kids. No family within 1000 miles. When he did get more than 1 day in a row off work and the ship, some member of his family would descend on us. None of them bothered while he was gone.

What you "see" isn't always reality, much less any of your business.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-08-2008, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,662 posts, read 7,509,056 times
Reputation: 3705
Quote:
Originally Posted by askme View Post
She does get up and go to work, but on weekends sleeps in and the rest of the day just sits and watches TV. She's over 350 pounds. The dirty clothes and dishes are piling up, things are scattered everywhere and it's tough just to find a empty space to walk. My son told us that they each have their things they do around the house. Her's is doing the laundry, but I've noticed that they end up making a trip to the laundromat to do them because she's let them pile up for so long. I know this because they call and ask if we wanna take care of the grandbaby while they are at the laundromat.
We usually stay outside when we have to go over to their place, don't like seeing them live in that messy house. It is upsetting. My son was not raised this way.
The grandbaby...that's another thing. Momma will sleep in late on the weekends and my son takes care of baby when baby wakes up early. And he is the one getting up with him at night to feed him because she won't do it and very seldom changes a diaper. My son and her argue about who's turn it is, but she always seems to win out. I know my son is just trying to keep peace, but I hate to see what's happening and have not tried to discuss it with him. I want to keep peace as well. He's a hard worker and always on the go, right now building on to their house in his spare time. I realize I cannot control their lives, we all have our lives to live. But I just don't like what I see.
Does anyone else have such trouble with a lazy daughter-in-law? We try to overlook it, sometimes it's harder than other times. And we pray alot. But so far there has been no breakthrough.
Any other suggestions?
Maybe you should mind your own business. If they are happy and the baby is taken care of you have nothing to complain about. OH, your poor son is living in an environment not exactly like mama had for him. Too bad. He is a grown man and if he didn't like it, he would not be there. She has a job and takes care of her family with the help of her husband. Does it bother you that she does not keep the house nice and tidy like you do? Get over it. You do not have to live with them. Be happy you are in your grandchilds life, many pushy mother in laws get cut off from the grandkids for acting the same way you are. I hope for your sake your not talking to your daughter in law this way, she just might get sick and tired of the put downs and cut you off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2008, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Texas
2,330 posts, read 6,258,108 times
Reputation: 1590
I will say this.. what ever you do.. stay out of it.. Your son is married to the woman. he is where he wants to be.. if he decides he wants to change things.. then he will make the changes.. I have learned in the past years (dealing with my kids, who are all grown up).. The more you pester them about things the least amount of effort they are going to put towards what you are pestering them about. Sure.. you may say he wasnt brought up that way.. but is he happy the way he is? Is he happy with her? if so.. leave it be.. he will make a change when he is ready to do so.. and guess what.. he will not blame you if something does not go the way it should have been.. he has no one to blame but himself.. Remember.. you were a kid once too.. and couldnt stand being told what to do by your parents.. Do this, advise him.. (one time only) and leave it be.. if he doesnt change .. that is his problem not yours.. If he lets his overweight wife sit on the couch all day on Saturdays.. thats between him and her.. not you... Leave it be..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2008, 02:06 PM
 
Location: Home of King Willie the not so great
4,189 posts, read 3,155,634 times
Reputation: 809
^^^ I agree. Excuse me she has a J-O-B. Sorry that she does not feel like being Mrs. Perfect lil homemaker. She does have a HUSBAND. You should be getting on your son as well. The filth is there and he is condoning it by letting it get that way. The blame should not be placed on her alone. And so what she's 350 pounds he apparently cares about her-thats a very snobbish way of looking at things. Oh shes over weight so she must be lazy? True, I don't like filth but its not going to be MY job to to everything. And as far as the diaper changing who CARES as long as the child gets changed. Because when I have kids you better believe that joker will be changing diapers, fixing bottles and EVERYTHING else because he is not a sperm donor he is the FATHER. Not the "I'll help you make the baby, but you do all the grit and grimey work..ooook honey?" Seems like you want her to be a stay at home mom. She WORKS ok and does not sit down and let her HUSBAND be the sole provider. Get over yourself and maybe be a nice grandma and offer to help clean the house. I am sure she would appreciate that versus the put downs. And you should appreciate her for WORKING and HELPING her husband because honey some women out there NEED to work and help support their hubby's and they use providing a hot meal and clean house as an excuse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2008, 04:20 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,284,830 times
Reputation: 1840
Well I am not lazy but I am a daughter-in-law and will say that I would not want my mother in law in my business. I think your son needs to get a backbone and stand up to his wife about her behavior, habits, weight for the sake of the child involved. It is not your job anymore to get him out of situations, he is an adult and you need to let him be one. It is your job to be the best grandmother you can be.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-08-2008, 06:22 PM
 
8,180 posts, read 11,265,318 times
Reputation: 2880
It may be frustrating, but your son is a man. He chose her, he married her, he made a baby with her, and ---this is the important part--- he stays with her. If this were a problem to him, he would let her know.
Stay out of it, and everyone will be happier for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-10-2008, 02:49 PM
 
1,218 posts, read 3,650,152 times
Reputation: 1155
Unless it's putting the baby at risk, I don't see why it's your problem. Apparently your son and d-in-law don't have a problem with it.

Deal with your own life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2008, 12:32 PM
 
206 posts, read 631,774 times
Reputation: 135
deleted my post b/c she already got her answer.

Last edited by pennylove76; 05-11-2008 at 12:38 PM.. Reason: deleted my post b/c she already got her answer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-11-2008, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,732 posts, read 31,719,329 times
Reputation: 6773
Quote:
Originally Posted by askme View Post
She does get up and go to work, but on weekends sleeps in and the rest of the day just sits and watches TV. She's over 350 pounds. The dirty clothes and dishes are piling up, things are scattered everywhere and it's tough just to find a empty space to walk. My son told us that they each have their things they do around the house. Her's is doing the laundry, but I've noticed that they end up making a trip to the laundromat to do them because she's let them pile up for so long. I know this because they call and ask if we wanna take care of the grandbaby while they are at the laundromat.
We usually stay outside when we have to go over to their place, don't like seeing them live in that messy house. It is upsetting. My son was not raised this way.
The grandbaby...that's another thing. Momma will sleep in late on the weekends and my son takes care of baby when baby wakes up early. And he is the one getting up with him at night to feed him because she won't do it and very seldom changes a diaper. My son and her argue about who's turn it is, but she always seems to win out. I know my son is just trying to keep peace, but I hate to see what's happening and have not tried to discuss it with him. I want to keep peace as well. He's a hard worker and always on the go, right now building on to their house in his spare time. I realize I cannot control their lives, we all have our lives to live. But I just don't like what I see.
Does anyone else have such trouble with a lazy daughter-in-law? We try to overlook it, sometimes it's harder than other times. And we pray alot. But so far there has been no breakthrough.
Any other suggestions?
I agree, she does sound lazy however your son needs to step up and be a man and do something about it. Maybe she is depressed, but she is the Mother of his child and HE and only HE needs to do something about it.

You as the in laws have no business getting involved other then to be supportive of their choices. I can just about predict that your involvement will not be appreciated.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2008, 09:48 AM
 
1,067 posts, read 5,122,342 times
Reputation: 550
I have to tell you this, I wish I had my nieces's mil. She comes over and helps my niece with the laundry, cleans the house for her and my niece takes no offence when they are in town. Why? Because her mil doesn't judge her, she knows how hard it is for my niece, mother of 2 kiddos.. she has done this for her when she has been at home with the kids and working. I think it is important for the op to be supportive of your family and maybe just maybe go over and lend a helpful hand without ever once passing judgement.

You should remember how hard it is being a first time mom with all the worries, trying to keep up with chores and even harder when a mom has to work full time.. You have not mentioned too how old the baby is. Having a baby is one of the most tramatic things and some women can bounce right back while it takes others awhile. The first time I had a baby, it was very hard on me and I had the baby blues and my hormones did not go back into balace for months. The second time was much better.


I have heard only about what your dil's problems are and not once see you write what is wrong with your son. Why do you place all the blame on her for the condition of the house? This is a typical response it always seems today from others, that if the house is not clean, the female gets the blame for it being dirty, even if they are working full time like their husbands. That is such a double standard. Remember that he lives there too and the condition of the house has as much to do with him as it does with her.

Are you sure she is 350 pounds? My sister is about that due to laying in a bed all day due to a disease she has. My sister can't get up and walk without the help of walker and can't breath well.

What I want to convey to you, is to not place all the blame on your dil for why the house is not kept well. Your son lives there too and my goodness she is working a full time job to support the family. It almost sounds in the post that your are more disappointed and annoyed by who your son chose to marry... that is the feeling I get.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:30 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top