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Stephen. The op said that when she *goes to* their house she won't go inside. Obviously, they don't live with her.
In order to have a minor child in the house--17 or younger--you would only have to have been age 38 when you had your last baby in order to be the parent (and not the grandparent) of a minor child in the house at the age of 55.. Many, many people have babies at 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43...no, this statistic does not mean that 40% of people have grandchildren living in the house.
the advise and compassion is based on logic not careful reading like you. i mean they must be in her house right or she would never complain.
say it isn't so. she is going to their house and complaining about their life style. no no i dont believe it.
saw your post on stats, well lets see if they have a kid at 40
and now they are 55 and the kid is 15. yes you are right. but is there really a huge lot of people fitting that profile? got stats? i'd love to know.
but you are also right, speculation can put us in trouble pdq..
sigh.
stephen s
san diego ca
the advise and compassion is based on logic not careful reading like you. i mean they must be in her house right or she would never complain.
say it isn't so. she is going to their house and complaining about their life style. no no i dont believe it.
saw your post on stats, well lets see if they have a kid at 40
and now they are 55 and the kid is 15. yes you are right. but is there really a huge lot of people fitting that profile? got stats? i'd love to know.
but you are also right, speculation can put us in trouble pdq..
sigh.
stephen s
san diego ca
Hi again, Stephen. To be honest, yes, there is a huge base of people having children over the age of 40. It's a new-ish but definitely not brand-new trend.
I had my youngest child at age 39. That's anecdotal, but I'm just commenting.
But, yes, if you look at the OP, this family definitely does not live with the poster. She said she goes to visit them and won't go into the house.
ETA: I didn't search whole-heartedly, so this is only an article, and was the first hit I got for statistics pregnancy over 40, but according to this article, one in five women is delaying having children until after 35. Twenty percent of women! So yep, right now, 20% of women are planning a child after 35. In some cases, it could be due to re-marriage...that's why I have a 21-year-old, and then a 4-year-old and 16-month-old. I know other people who have remarried and decided upon more children so maybe that's part of the "why"...not sure.
Now, to be fair...your stats (do you have a link?) were based on people who are 55 now...and I don't know how many women over 35 were having babies 17 years ago. But I can tell you that when I had my first son in the mid-80s, it was already firmly a trend for women to delay marriage and delay having babies. So I just have to say that yes, a reasonable amount at least of that 40% you quoted on are the parents, not the grandparents.
Hi again, Stephen. To be honest, yes, there is a huge base of people having children over the age of 40. If you Google you'll find the exact stats. Google based on the previous Census (that was issued in 2006...I think) and also the one prior to that, because this is a new-ish but definitely not brand-new trend.
Another way to find out about over-35s trying to get pregnant is to Google for information on advanced maternal age (ugh! I hated that term while I was pregnant) and on getting pregnant over 40.
Also Google to find out the number of first-marrieds over 30 and over 35...that number is growing fast.
I had my youngest child at age 39. That's anecdotal, but I'm just commenting.
But, yes, if you look at the OP, this family definitely does not live with the poster. She said she goes to visit them and won't go into the house.
ETA: I didn't search whole-heartedly, so this is only an article, and was the first hit I got for statistics pregnancy over 40, but according to this article, one in five women is delaying having children until after 35. Twenty percent of women! So yep, right now, 20% of women are planning a child after 35. Now, to be fair...your stats (do you have a link?) were based on people who are 55 now...and I don't know how many women over 35 were having babies 17 years ago. But I can tell you that when I had my first son in the mid-80s, it was already firmly a trend for women to delay marriage and delay having babies. So I just have to say that yes, a reasonable amount at least of that 40% you quoted on are the parents, not the grandparents.
per your suggestion. just checked goggle, per cnn.com article its 14% of births are women over 35. its definitely up. but certainly not the mean age for birth. that leaves a 86% gap doesn't it? i think the difference might be yours is talking about delay and planning mine is talking about actually having kids.
a little different comparison no? i am doin the google right now on my original statement, 40% of seniors got a minor in the house.
i am on it.
per your suggestion. just checked goggle, per cnn.com article its 14% of births are women over 35. its definitely up. but certainly not the mean age for birth. that leaves a 86% gap doesn't it? i think the difference might be yours is talking about delay and planning mine is talking about actually having kids.
a little different comparison no? i am doin the google right now on my original statement, 40% of seniors got a minor in the house.
i am on it.
.
stephen s
san diego ca
come up with so far 1 article that supports a figure of 20% (over 55 with grandkids) and another that says 31.1 percent grandkids. but my original quote was not grandkids it was minors raised by a 55+ aged person.
it did not say grandkids. i implied that was the case. wish i could find the article that stated 40%.
thanks
stephen s
san diego ca
Your daughter in law sounds lazy and she does need to get up and do something with her life and herself but on the other hand, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
Your son is a man now. Time to cut the apron strings and let him handle this himself.
Time for you to stay out of his family business and for you to find something that interests you to keep you busy from being in his business.
Sorry, but you get to keep your mouth shut except to volunteer to help. You raised your son to somehow find this type of woman acceptable, so all you can do is pitch in and help her get her act together...or learn to ignore it.
You say the house is cluttered but not really so bad, and that they do a good job cleaning it when they have company. They do things together and are happy.
And your problem is what again? Hell, no matter what this girl does or doesn't do, I think you're the type to find fault with her no matter what.
Unless the situation is dangerous and/or unhealthy for the child, mind your own freakin' business and stop trying to control other people's lives.
Anger issues on your part perhaps? Or are you the daughter-in-law in question? The soft and gentle approach is best in this case, as there are family relationships at stake.
I would tactfully offer some kind of help...either your own help or offer to pay someone to come and clean for them....Tell them you are concerned for their child...
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