Are you trying to avoid anyone in public (old friend or relative or coworkers)? (wife, person)

[Jobless and Broke]

There are some people who I would hate to run into on the street and it would be very akward if I did. Old bosses who fired me, old girl friends who things ended poorly, friends who I have not returned their phone calls and spooky people from my past.

Recently I have seen these people from afair and I crossed the stret to avoid them. A few times I was not so lucky and had very difficult reconnections. (They did not want to run into me either but had to act polite before rushing off)

Can you relate? Any stories to tell?

[Jobless and Broke]

Anyone?

[exscapegoat]

Normally, I find a fake how are you is sufficient in those type of situations and then one or both parties makes an excuse to end the awkwardness. Sometimes making a show of avoiding them makes things worse.

I have some commuter friends/acquaintances I've sometime pretended to be asleep to avoid. One of them, we'll call her Pam, complains endlessly about her problems and she never really asks about other people's lives. Got tired of the one sidedness of it. Another, we'll call her Karen argues against sensible advice, saying God/prayer/meditation/acting like a true Christian will take care of it. Then she'll get into a difficult or unpleasant situation by disregarding sensible advice. And complain and look for sympathy. If I'm not too tired/exhausted by my own stuff, I can be sympathetic. But if I'm dealing with my own difficulties, I really have no patience for it.

Right now, she's going through the consequences of doing this again and I'm just not in the mood to hear it. She's got a lot of good qualities otherwise, so when I'm either in a better mood or the consequences are done, I'll stop avoiding her.

[D. Scott]

Aside from the junkie who hangs out by the corner store bumming change and smokes, I cannot think of anyone. I saw one guy from the old neighborhood who was mixed up with the wrong things who used to make me uncomfortable but we spoke and he really ended up doing well.

I walk freely, No concerns with past people.

[Jobless and Broke]

Is it just me or isn't it kind of odd to run into people from work (back before I was jobless and broke) in a public place. At work we could pass by each other and just do our jobs but if we run into someone we work with but have no social connection with at the video store then there is an expectation of some type of small talk. Then it makes me ill at ease.

But going back to my orginal question. isn't there a problem sometimes with people who we used to be close to but for one reason or another that connection is broken. I would not like to run into people like that ever again and wish they would just be gone from my life and I would prefer never to see or hear from them ever again.

[Clark Park]

The part I can relate to is being unemployed and running into people who ask what I'm doing or where I am working. It is awkward. I am back to work now, but then - earlier this year I would dismiss such questions with "I'm looking for a new career" or "I'm a gentleman of leisure" ...

Don't be embarrassed. You are just as worthy and valuable a person as they are. You should not be ashamed of your present situation; we have all been there. If you see someone, just nod at them or wave and keep moving.

[exscapegoat]

Originally Posted by Jobless and Broke

Is it just me or isn't it kind of odd to run into people from work (back before I was jobless and broke) in a public place. At work we could pass by each other and just do our jobs but if we run into someone we work with but have no social connection with at the video store then there is an expectation of some type of small talk. Then it makes me ill at ease.

But going back to my orginal question. isn't there a problem sometimes with people who we used to be close to but for one reason or another that connection is broken. I would not like to run into people like that ever again and wish they would just be gone from my life and I would prefer never to see or hear from them ever again.

I can certainly understand your feelings on this. But unlike Facebook, offline life doesn't have a block feature, though I wish it did

My most awkward encounters like this are with people from my last job. One was a ringleader of bullying, several were her minions and several were bystanders. Yet, we still see each other at professional association events. I left for another job to get away from the bullying. When I see them, I usually do the fake, "hi, how are you thing?" But a couple of them, in particular, 2 of the minions/bystanders, look really uncomfortable and have ignored me/pretended not to see me. Which honestly makes it more awkward for me, because I've had other people ask me why they ran off like that. I think it's a mix of guilt in how they treated me and fear that I'm going to expose them for the miserable bullies/minions/cowards they really are.

But I don't want the drama of confronting them in public, as much as they might deserve it. New job ended up being a better opportunity for me, so I'm of the "living well is the best revenge school of thought". I even got a promotion which had been suggested at my old job but didn't happen because of the sniping/backstabbing at the old job. I'm ok with being fake nice to them so as not to cause a scene at our professional association events.

[MaggieZ]

sometimes the minions just go along with the bullying because they're afraid to be the next victim. Let them all simmer in their own juices...

[Narv]

Man I hate that kind of avoiding stuff... it happened to me a lot and I did it to people a lot and its so awkward. I don't know why people are like that and why I did it myself. Maybe its to avoid talking to someone or to avoid faking to like them or to want to talk to them. We are stupid.

[brokensky]

Usually, anyone you don't want to have to interact with probably feels at least somewhat awkward, too. I have developed an approach that has worked very well for me over the years. Make a statement and keep moving.

For example - let's say I am at a professional meeting and I am getting a cup of coffee and turn around and who do I see but the backstabbing SOB who half the people in the room know tried to get me fired several years earlier. Instead of saying "Hi there, Joe! How are ya? How's work?/kids/wife" which ends up in a very awkward attempt at conversation - I would instead say - "HI Joe. Be careful - the coffee is hot - I about burned myself. The pot on the left has a better pouring spout " throw a smile -- and keep walking.

I didn't avoid him. I said something that really didn't even have any meaning at all - but I didn't have to engage in conversation and he was not required to say a thing back. These types of "comments" acknowledge that you are not going to be intimidated into avoidance - but neither are you going to pretend you want to have a conversation.