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ok I have tried to be a friend to this person with borderline personality (most of my friends here at CD have heard the story) she meanwile, has not been a friend to me and calls to unload a diatribe of complaints and negativity (this is all long-distance, which becomes tieresome as well) ...the marriage (I met the husband once, am only getting the one-side, and my friend has a habit of embellishing
I am sick of it, while I feel bad for her situation I know it will never change (she has been like this almost 15 years) It is disheartening but I think the healthiest thing for me is to let go...what would everyone else do?
sunny
Last edited by dreamofmonterey; 10-05-2007 at 10:16 AM..
Reason: add
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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It's a coincidence that you write this. As of last night, both my mother and my sister, who both have serious mental health conditions, are currently both unstable at the same time, for the first time. Tragically, we all live in three different states. I flew to be with my sister last week and now my mother has had a relapse.
As someone who has dealt with many people close to me with mental disorders, a husband, a boyfriend...there is nothing you can do but listen.
Try your darnest to get them off their tyrate...ask about her kids (if she has any), recommend a good book, but get her off her track of negativity. Did something funny happen to you today, share that with her. From experience, these folks have a hard time even laughing. Try to get her to laugh. You'll make yourself feel better by influencing her mood, rather than feeling the way you do as her sounding broad of negativity.
Hope this helps.
Oh and I know borderline to be particularly difficult, embellishing is an understatement.
ok I have tried to be a friend to this person with borderline personality (most of my friends here at CD have heard the story) she meanwile, has not been a friend to me and calls to unload a diatribe of complaints and negativity (this is all long-distance, which becomes tieresome as well) ...the marriage (I met the husband once, am only getting the one-side, and my friend has a habit of embellishing
I am sick of it, while I feel bad for her situation I know it will never change (she has been like this almost 15 years) It is disheartening but I think the healthiest thing for me is to let go...what would everyone else do?
sunny
Break up with her Sunnyhelena. I am a believer in surrounding myself with good, positive people because life is too short to listen to constant bs/drama from people. If you want to listen to negative things... you can watch the news for that. I would break up with her and do the right thing and tell her why. Maybe no one has ever told her that she's a downer and the last thing you can do as a friend is let her know that. However, be prepared... she might freak out on you as people often don't like to hear the truth if it's negative. Good luck.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,653 times
Reputation: 999
The thread I was going to start when I spotted your new one was how so many people, with or without, mental illness, are unhinged right now. It's all over the news, in my own family, some of my friends, people not handling stress and crisis AT ALL. Are they spreading themselves too thin? Are they too dependent on their relationships?
After my divorce, I customized my life to be void of any stress or drama. I spend, what some people might think, an insane amount of time alone in my home, keep to myself at work, because I refuse to let other's drama impact me.
Even when my daughter gets negative about her homework, I've told her that she can be in a bad mood on her time, but not mine. I just don't stand of it.
On the occasion that something stressful does pop up, I the first to jump in with a calm solution, I always feel like I'm calming everyone down. As in my own quote: "Life here is not an Apollo mission."
So I'm with you....what is it with people? Why can't people manage their lives; why does everything have to be so complicated for some?
However, be prepared... she might freak out on you as people often don't like to hear the truth if it's negative. Good luck.
___________
Yes- that may be- I have really tried to be a good friend, but this situation is too negative for me- I have to take care of my emotional health as well.....This person is very selfish and also lies about many things...too numerous to even mention after the last decade.
Anyway Its good to get feedback-I see alot of us have been through similar problems.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,653 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyhelena
However, be prepared... she might freak out on you as people often don't like to hear the truth if it's negative. Good luck.
___________
Yes- that may be- I have really tried to be a good friend, but this situation is too negative for me- I have to take care of my emotional health as well.....This person is very selfish and also lies about many things...too numerous to even mention after the last decade.
Anyway Its good to get feedback-I see alot of us have been through similar problems.
I had to ponder a minute. I did have a former friend who was borderline (narcissistic personality disorder), so understand the lying. And yes, I did evict him from my life about four years ago....it must have been a memory was was surpressing...so yes...borderline is an evil parasite...and they often don't get treatment because they don't think anything is wrong with them. So I understand completely about trimming the branches of friendship here.
The thread I was going to start when I spotted your new one was how so many people, with or without, mental illness, are unhinged right now. It's all over the news, in my own family, some of my friends, people not handling stress and crisis AT ALL. Are they spreading themselves too thin? Are they too dependent on their relationships?
After my divorce, I customized my life to be void of any stress or drama. I spend, what some people might think, an insane amount of time alone in my home, keep to myself at work, because I refuse to let other's drama impact me.
Even when my daughter gets negative about her homework, I've told her that she can be in a bad mood on her time, but not mine. I just don't stand of it.
On the occasion that something stressful does pop up, I the first to jump in with a calm solution, I always feel like I'm calming everyone down. As in my own quote: "Life here is not an Apollo mission."
So I'm with you....what is it with people? Why can't people manage their lives; why does everything have to be so complicated for some?
Main St- I know what you mean....but the fact is, I have had enough drama this year...I just want to have some normalcy in life...this means...not rehashing problems from 15 years ago, relationships, etc (this is all she does, all day long...she can talk for 4 hours on the phone)
I have a bad feeling the husband is selling is house and preparing to kick her out- I feel bad but there is NOTHING I can do-lol- the last time I visited them I stayed in a hotel as he was fighting with her at the time....a very bad situation but I am not a psychoanalyst and cannot begin to solve HER problems....
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,653 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyhelena
Main St- I know what you mean....but the fact is, I have had enough drama this year...I just want to have some normalcy in life...this means...not rehashing problems from 15 years ago, relationships, etc (this is all she does, all day long...she can talk for 4 hours on the phone)
I have a bad feeling the husband is selling is house and preparing to kick her out- I feel bad but there is NOTHING I can do-lol- the last time I visited them I stayed in a hotel as he was fighting with her at the time....a very bad situation but I am not a psychoanalyst and cannot begin to solve HER problems....
sunny
Read the post I added after this...I think I had blocked out a bad memory....I know exactly what your friend is like. Did you know that borderline is the most difficult condition to treat (no cure). Habitual con-men and con-women are thought to be borderline. Many are serious sociopaths.
I have really tried to be a good friend, but this situation is too negative for me- I have to take care of my emotional health as well.....
In a nutshell, I think you should tell her this.
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