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You don't have Red Hair, Hazel Eyes and you are not fairly tall by any chance ?!?!?!
Nope, quite the opposite - blonde hair, blue eyes, and 5'4".
I didn't get quite so much flack for not having children because I wasn't married until I was almost 40. However, people just found it impossible to believe that I didn't want to get married. I didn't go on a date for seven years before I met my husband. One person in particular, every time I saw her or spoke to her, would ask how my love life is. I would remind her that I was not interested in a love life, and didn't want to get married. She would always say, "Well, you just haven't found the right guy yet." People just couldn't understand that I wasn't looking, and wasn't interested.
Even more frustrating were the ones (and there were a few) who said that I had "no life" because I wasn't attached - when in fact, I actually had more of a life than they did. One woman in particular spent all of her time doing things she had no interest in, only because her boyfriend did. Meanwhile, I was having a great time - I had a job that had me traveling around the world, I had hockey season tickets, went to the theater, concerts, etc.
So by the time I met and married my husband, the subject of children rarely came up. If it did, I just said that I had no interest in starting at my age, and that he already had two children (one grown, one a teenager at the time). People accepted that and moved on.
Childfree here, also. The few people (acquaintances, never friends) who ever dared give me flack about it were quickly deemed "idiot" by me.
I am indifferent to kids, but I out-and-out hate bosses, and think they should all be dead. Now that I get some flack for! Why, I don't know.
To the last person who repped me, yes you are right.
There are plenty of parents who had children for all of the wrong reasons. Whether it's because they wanted to create a mini me, they were worried who would take care of them as they get older, they feel it's their way of contributing to the world, outside family pressure, whatever.
If you didn't have kids for the right reasons, then you are denying your kids the best parents they can have. That may be a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow, but it's the truth.
I would much rather be truly honest with myself to know what I can and can't handle and not go down that road just for the sake of. Would I be a good mother? Sure. But I know my heart and soul might never be 110% into it, and that would be unfair to the child.
My cousin and her hubby got married and decided they didn't want children. Hubby had one sister who was quite a bit older, like 15 years older, she had a daughter and her daughter had a baby. The daughter died in a car accident, leaving her baby. Hubby's sister had cancer and really couldn't take on raising a baby, so she asked cuz and her hubby if they would adopt their niece (who was about a year old at the time. My cousin and her hubby had been married for about 6 years about this time, they were making great money, had a huge home, etc. They said no, that they really didn't want children, thank you very much.
A few years later cousin and hubby became hard core evangelicals. Suddenly I heard they so wanted children, and they never had children because hubby has "a disease" and oh yes, they would have loved to adopt, blah, blah, blah. I guess they missed the sermon that had to do with lying in church . . . .
This may be hard for some people to understand, but I will try to explain .
When I was born, in 1946, my Father was 48 years old and my Mum was 42.
He had served in the FIRST World War, in the Canadian Army, and was a hard man to like.
My Mum was great, but she told me as a teen ager.............You will have to get ready for the idea that you will be alone, for most of your adult life,as both of us are going to die, when you are still quite young. She was right.
Dad died at age 67, she lasted to 71.
With no siblings, I was alone by the time that I was 33.
Both of my Parents were "only children " so I don't have any living relatives.
Growing up as the only child in the house, I didn't have to wonder who the Christmas present were for. ( grin )
I strongly dislike kids, and their screaming makes me cringe.
As a result, I am married, but not a Father, by choice. My Wife feels the same way, as she had her kids young, and this is a second marriage for her. I dread going to see her Grandchildren, and now I just say....You go I feel like a good long sleep, here at home.
My cousin and her hubby got married and decided they didn't want children. Hubby had one sister who was quite a bit older, like 15 years older, she had a daughter and her daughter had a baby. The daughter died in a car accident, leaving her baby. Hubby's sister had cancer and really couldn't take on raising a baby, so she asked cuz and her hubby if they would adopt their niece (who was about a year old at the time. My cousin and her hubby had been married for about 6 years about this time, they were making great money, had a huge home, etc. They said no, that they really didn't want children, thank you very much.
A few years later cousin and hubby became hard core evangelicals. Suddenly I heard they so wanted children, and they never had children because hubby has "a disease" and oh yes, they would have loved to adopt, blah, blah, blah. I guess they missed the sermon that had to do with lying in church . . . .
Addressing the guardianship idea in your post...My family knew we didn't plan on having kids and none of them put pressure on us or judged us negatively for our choice. Lucky us! About ten years in, happily child-free, my sister called me sort of excited and asked me, as if it would be an honor, to be the legal guardian for her baby girl if it was ever necessary. I didn't even consult my husband - but I did tell him about it later. My sister was shocked and dismayed and personally affronted that I declined the offer. I was stunned that she thought I'd want to dedicate my life to raising someone else's child when I didn't even want one of my own. Child-rearing is such an expected part of our experience - people have a really hard time believing that someone would choose and be happy without children.
I was talking to a guy that I have known for over 10 years( not as friends more so as casual acquantances)now and he showed me pictures of his 9 and 3 year old children. He said, Tony, I have 9 children. I said WOW!!! He said, man I wanted 10.
Funny thing is, I have never once seen him with any of his children over the last 10 years in which I have known him.
He said, Tony, how many do you have? I said, none. If you could have seen the look on his face. Deer in lights comes to mind. He had to regain himself. It was like he was in shock.
He said, WHAT? You mean to tell me you don't have any? I said, yes. I never wanted any. He couldn't believe it. He said, Tony, how old are you? I said 39.
He was floored. He could not believe it.
What gives. He's not the only person that has responded to me like that. I don't get it.
Tony,
TheHitman
So? People cannot imagine others having different opinions on a host of things.
Case in point? Mexican food. I have never left a Mexican restaurant and thought to myself, "Wow. What a great meal. I'm going back soon." I have eaten in supposedly great Mexican places from Dallas to El Paso to Los Angeles to Mexico itself. And every time I've pushed away from the table, I've thought "Meh" once again.
If my wife and kids want Mexican, I'll go along. If my friends want Mexican, I'll shrug my shoulders and go. But if someone asks me if I would, on my own, have Mexican? No way.
So what happens when I say this? I get this shocked look from people. "No way! Then you haven't tried real Mexican. Have you been to...." and then they rattle off a string of places, to no avail.
Same thing with dog lovers. Hey, I don't mind dogs. I just don't want to own them. They're a lot of work, they make a lot of noise, they mess up the house, and they need to be taken outside a lot in order to take a dump on someone's yard. I just don't want dogs. But devoted dog lovers, the most obnoxious people on earth, think people who don't care for dogs are morally suspect. If you don't believe me, wander over to the Dog forum once in a while and see what they have to say if you don't fawn over your pooch all day.
Addressing the guardianship idea in your post...My family knew we didn't plan on having kids and none of them put pressure on us or judged us negatively for our choice. Lucky us! About ten years in, happily child-free, my sister called me sort of excited and asked me, as if it would be an honor, to be the legal guardian for her baby girl if it was ever necessary. I didn't even consult my husband - but I did tell him about it later. My sister was shocked and dismayed and personally affronted that I declined the offer. I was stunned that she thought I'd want to dedicate my life to raising someone else's child when I didn't even want one of my own. Child-rearing is such an expected part of our experience - people have a really hard time believing that someone would choose and be happy without children.
I think the family knew that hubby & cuz didn't want children, I think the only reason the sister asked was because she had cancer and was desperate. She was hoping that the child didn't have to be adopted outside the family. This was back when there were no open adoptions and certainly, the sister didn't want to lose her only grandchild for as long as she had left. She wanted to keep her as long as possible. As it was, the grandparents ended up raising the baby after the sister passed away.
I have no issue when folks don't want children. I've never, ever asked anyone why they had children or why they didn't. Figured it was none of my business. I just thought it was totally self-serving and hypocritical of this couple later on to act like they most certainly had ALWAYS wanted children, etc., when the entire family knew that this was totally false. In other words, if you don't want children, that's fine - but don't go around lying about it later on in life. Now if they had stated that they had changed their minds later in life and they regretted their earlier decision, sure. I'm okay with that. But to tell everyone that they had always wanted children - nah. Not big on liars, especially when they wrap it up in religion.
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