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Old 09-15-2012, 03:43 PM
 
4,467 posts, read 4,717,791 times
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I have always been generous with my mother since she has gotten older and is retired. My mother has been taking the great grand kids to get school clothes every year to help their parents out. I have wanted to help out with it and have sent gift cards in the past. Well, this year I had huge vet bills and when on the phone with my mother, she said, "If you are thinking of sending gift cards, please don't. I know you have a lot of vet bills." I agreed with her and said I wouldn't be able to do it this time around.

Well.... the following week...my mother and I are on the phone and she says... " I took the kids for school clothes and they are so expensive I just took it out of your inheritance". I really didn't know what to day. Later on, I started to laugh and said to myself... "heck I paid for the f**ing clothes either way'". Now, it has kinda gnawed at me and I haven't said anything to her about it... yet.

It is so obviously passive-aggressive and if I try to explain this to my mother she will get her arse on her shoulders and "not get it". But I really want to point it out to her.

Is it worth it?
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Old 09-15-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: North Fulton
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No, not worth arguing about in my opinion. At least you are getting an inheritance. Some parents cut their own children out of their wills in spite. I would leave that one alone if you wish to get some inheritance. I have a very difficult mother to deal with as well. I just don't argue with her and bite my tongue because in her "mind," she is always "right" while everyone around her is "wrong." I am not waiting on any inheritance either as she should spend her own money on herself as she sees fit. It is nice to get an inheritance, but never "expect" it unless your parent explicitly tells you are to receive one (you have seen the will and so on).
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleylake View Post
No, not worth arguing about in my opinion. At least you are getting an inheritance. Some parents cut their own children out of their wills in spite. I would leave that one alone if you wish to get some inheritance. I have a very difficult mother to deal with as well. I just don't argue with her and bite my tongue because in her "mind," she is always "right" while everyone around her is "wrong." I am not waiting on any inheritance either as she should spend her own money on herself as she sees fit. It is nice to get an inheritance, but never "expect" it unless your parent explicitly tells you are to receive one (you have seen the will and so on).

I should clarify that the "inheritance" is really tiny, like tiny, tiny. We aren't talking a lot here. I have already told her to keep what there is as she is alone and will need it for herself. She knows this and yet she still pulls this. There is a certain element of drama with my mother... like many mothers.
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
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if the inheritance is that tiny, so is the offense. Just let it go.
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:55 PM
 
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Did you ever get a thank you note from your mom, the kids' parents or if they're old enough, the kids themselves? Have they ever helped you as an adult when you needed it? Would they help you? It sounds like they're taking you for granted. If you want to keep supporting them, by all means go ahead. But don't expect any thanks or gratitude for it.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
if the inheritance is that tiny, so is the offense. Just let it go.
I think because I have told her over and over that I don't want it, she needs to keep it that this is a unecessary jab.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by exscapegoat View Post
Did you ever get a thank you note from your mom, the kids' parents or if they're old enough, the kids themselves? Have they ever helped you as an adult when you needed it? Would they help you? It sounds like they're taking you for granted. If you want to keep supporting them, by all means go ahead. But don't expect any thanks or gratitude for it.

My mother has thanked me many times. I have never even met these kids or their mother. I wouldn't go to any of them for help. They just aren't equipped to help with much of anything.

I actually have never heard such a thing from my mother. I think that is why I was laughed and it was like boing!
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Florida
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Unless your mother has absolutely no sense of humor, I would have taken it as a suitable joke and laughed, too.
Then left it at that.
You've told her you don't want/expect an inheritence and to use it herself and that's exactly what she's told you she did.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:22 PM
 
4,467 posts, read 4,717,791 times
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Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Unless your mother has absolutely no sense of humor, I would have taken it as a suitable joke and laughed, too.
Then left it at that.
You've told her you don't want/expect an inheritence and to use it herself and that's exactly what she's told you she did.
True, but in my mind, I DON'T have any inheritance, hence there was no need to say it.

On one level I think my mother is used to me giving her things/money and I didn't do it so she got her dig in. That seems to be it.
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:26 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,680,227 times
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Seriously? Maybe it's just my family, but that would have come across as just a joke to me. I would have replied, "Yeah, they're growing, aren't they? Do, you need any money for it?"
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