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Old 09-26-2012, 06:04 PM
 
433 posts, read 1,123,044 times
Reputation: 165

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I decided to be more sociable last week during my last week of classes before going on my internship. I forced stuff out of me like talking more, smoking up with the guys (don't judge or lecture me for this!) goofing around with them and just being as sociable as I can. I even added these guys on Facebook the weekend before.

One of the guys gave me his cell number when I told him it was my last week and I'd see him at the grad ceremony. I didn't even ask for his number, he just told me to have it which was cool. Then another guy who I was hanging out with and smoking asked me who I hung out with outside school/work and I told him nobody, I just hang out with people at school and things didn't work out with people in High School when he asked me who I hung out with in HS. Then I decided that since he asked me that then maybe he must be interested in hanging out with me like on weekends or something. So I decided at the end of the day to say to him "Hey before when you asked me who I hung out with on weekends, is it cuz you wanna hang out somewhere" He was like "Oh I dunno, maybe" or something like that. Then when I asked him if he wanted my number he told me to message him on Facebook. I dunno why, but I feel really embarrassed about this encounter now. I think it sounded desperate when I asked. Do you think I scared him off a little and that's why he said to message him on FB to hang out?

A few moments ago, I decided to look through one of these guys' walls on Facebook and I've seen messages that they posted about how they've all been hanging out with each other outside school hours since nearly the beginning of the school year and now I feel kind of clingy and desperate to be part of the group, like its too late. I was quiet and a little shy around them for the majority of the year and the last few months near the end of the course is when I started to open up more, with their help with them asking me to come join them in sports during breaks at school and smoking up with them and other minor things. But I can't help but feeling like a tag-a-long. Maybe I should call up or text the guy that gave me his number and see how interested he is in talking to me.

Should I feel this way? What do you guys think?
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Old 09-26-2012, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,621 posts, read 11,627,104 times
Reputation: 6603
Bahahaha smoking up with the guys. Holy crap I can't take you seriously.

Someone get me a beer.
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Old 09-26-2012, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Here.
13,824 posts, read 12,585,697 times
Reputation: 16219
You shouldn't feel that you have to "force stuff out" or be "embarrassed" or "clingy and desperate". If you want to hang out with them and they are accommodating, then go for it. The level of involvement is up to you. Since it sounds like you are all in the same career field, you at least have that in common. If you find you have other things in common, then your friendship will strengthen. If you have little in common and are not willing to have more in common, then there is no use "forcing" the friendship.

Play it by ear, but at least make some effort to get to know them. Who knows, you could end up as friends for life. I know a lot of good friends that didn't hit it off right at first.
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Old 09-26-2012, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 6,057,938 times
Reputation: 6708
I think you're overthinking this. If you want to hangout just contact them their preferred method and play it by ear.
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Old 09-27-2012, 01:16 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,067 posts, read 8,330,533 times
Reputation: 11540
You're trying too hard and overthinking things way too much. Making plans with someone should be natural and no big deal.
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Old 09-27-2012, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,053 posts, read 3,582,661 times
Reputation: 2475
Maybe you should see a therapist about your social anxiety. It does sound clinical level to me.
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Old 09-28-2012, 01:10 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,022,027 times
Reputation: 16171
Well I am sure it felt odd to the guys that you had little to nothing to do with them for a long time and then suddenly you are joining in. In spite of that the guy gave you his number. If you feel you want to (not have to) hang out with him then give him a call or text or private message him on Facebook. If you feel you want to just move on with you life and do your internship then just let it go.
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Old 09-28-2012, 01:15 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,023,698 times
Reputation: 62029
If it is forced it is not real friendship, just do what you want and feel comfortable with and quit smoking up just to be part of a group. (no lecture just a few words)
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Old 09-30-2012, 01:06 AM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,950,800 times
Reputation: 3350
I think it's great that you are being assertive. As long as you are not repeatedly asking said individual to "hang out" you're fine. Personally, I think this is a helpful skill to have in the future when you start work, move to a new neighborhood or whatever. The older you get, the harder it is to make friends so being friendly is, I think, a great quality.
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Old 09-30-2012, 06:21 AM
 
433 posts, read 1,123,044 times
Reputation: 165
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtlquebec102 View Post
.

One of the guys gave me his cell number when I told him it was my last week and I'd see him at the grad ceremony. I didn't even ask for his number, he just told me to have it which was cool. Then another guy who I was hanging out with and smoking asked me who I hung out with outside school/work and I told him nobody, I just hang out with people at school and things didn't work out with people in High School when he asked me who I hung out with in HS. Then I decided that since he asked me that then maybe he must be interested in hanging out with me like on weekends or something. So I decided at the end of the day to say to him "Hey before when you asked me who I hung out with on weekends, is it cuz you wanna hang out somewhere" He was like "Oh I dunno, maybe" or something like that. Then when I asked him if he wanted my number he told me to message him on Facebook. I dunno why, but I feel really embarrassed about this encounter now. I think it sounded desperate when I asked. Do you think I scared him off a little and that's why he said to message him on FB to hang out?
Does anyone here think I appeared desperate to the guy who was asking me who I hung out with and then I asked him myself to hang out sometime since he was interested in who I was with on the weekend? I just got a private message telling me I appeared desperate. Anyone agree?
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