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It depends on the information and how close I was to that person. Like if I knew my friend's husband was cheating on her, depending on how close I was with her and other circumstances, I'd probably tell her. Sometimes, however, white lies are appropriate. Like if the information will only hurt someone's feelings but do nothing more.
I agree though, pretty general and vague question. I'm sure you will get various responses!
I told myself if someone ever asked me outright, I would not lie, however, that never happened.
I know there are 2 schools of thought - going to the person with the information or not. But by not telling, the person was able to keep her life on the high road, however, if it had been told, it may have been a disaster.
I think I just knew to keep it to myself. There may have been others that knew; never discussed and people forget over time.
Is there any reason you can't explain what happened? As you can imagine, it depends on the situation. If your friend wears a hideous dress and asks if it's pretty, you should withhold the hurtful information that it is hideous. If you know that your friend's SO is a cheater, most people would say that you should help your friend figure it out.
The worst is when people do things that would surely hurt others, such as cheating, and then they keep it a secret believing that it's a kindness not to tell.
I would probably tell a friend that her husband was cheating. Not telling could hurt her, but you'd also take the risk that they would reconcile and then turn on YOU for bringing the situation out in the open. That has happened.
With certain other things there is no reason to tell. For example, the husband of a friend of mine was killed in a car accident. She and her sister have said a few times that they are so thankful he was "killed instantly", "never knew what hit him", etc. However, I know the EMT who was first on the scene, and the guy was trying to talk and struggling to live while his chest filled up with blood and drowned him. There is no reason they ever have to know that.
I was going to make a post about pretty much the same thing, but in another forum as it's about children.
And with the wide variety of circumstances that could be involved in your situation, this is a basic guideline for myself, that I wish others in my life would follow.
If the situation was such that I felt the victim "person who would be hurt" absolutely had the right to know I would first go to the person who did the activity. I would say something like, "I know what you are doing" "or what you have done" and I would tell them, "I think that victim should know" I would give them an opportunity to talk to victim themselves about it before I took it upon myself to bring up the topic.
If the situation only happened one time or if the situation was ongoing and continued to happen, is something I would consider.
Basically, go to the person who did it, encourage them to talk to the person they hurt, tell them if they don't you will and why..
You can not apply this guideline to every situation, as there are times, to just mind your own business and keep your mouth shut.
What I mean is that just because something's true, doesn't mean we have some sort of moral obligation to spill it out, even if it does make US feel better.
Use good judgment. If there's no good in it for the other person for them to know, and only hurt, then keep it to yourself, even if you are DYING to tell them. You're only making yourself feel better and that's not being honest - that's being selfish.
On the other hand, I do believe we have a moral obligation to tell someone something that may hurt them, if it will save them further grief, or keep them from danger, if we tell them.
I would probably tell a friend that her husband was cheating. Not telling could hurt her, but you'd also take the risk that they would reconcile and then turn on YOU for bringing the situation out in the open. That has happened.
With certain other things there is no reason to tell. For example, the husband of a friend of mine was killed in a car accident. She and her sister have said a few times that they are so thankful he was "killed instantly", "never knew what hit him", etc. However, I know the EMT who was first on the scene, and the guy was trying to talk and struggling to live while his chest filled up with blood and drowned him. There is no reason they ever have to know that.
Right.
I have a friend whose husband was killed in a car accident. After he died, and was buried and the estate basically settled, his business partner told the wife that when he was cleaning out the guy's desk, he found photos and correspondence that implied that the dead man had been having an affair.
I thought it was so awful for him to tell her that. Why add hurt to grief? What did it accomplish? It has been a year now and the woman has not surfaced. No children are involved, no money - and the dead man isn't even here to defend himself against allegations that may not even be true.
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OK - a bit more
