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Old 10-08-2012, 03:16 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,199,962 times
Reputation: 22375

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Here's the thing I have tried to explain to my mother for years . . .

A conversation is a two-way street. If someone is yapping and you don't want to listen, all you have to do is say you don't mean to be rude, but you have something on the stove, you have a call you need to make, your head is killing you and and you want to take some meds and lie down. This is not hard.

I am just scratching my head as to why, after 8 years, you are suddenly trying to figure out how to disengage from a conversation. It is not as though she comes to your door and pushes her way into your house! If you are out walking the dog, just say you can't stop - gotta keep moving, and wave. If you are at your mailbox, just start walking back to the house when you see her coming.

If you are out working in your garden and she plops herself next to you, just tell her you are practicing the art of zen and really can't talk right now - you need the quiet space to nurture your spiritual growth, lol.

You can't be made into a doormat unless you throw yourself out to be stepped on.
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Old 10-08-2012, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,788,374 times
Reputation: 8838
well, I agree, but I guess she is older, I feel sorry for her a little as her kids are gone, and the husbands always away on business. and I try to be polite. I did put an end to the phone callls and FB "chat" last year.

Practicing zen?, lol that would be over her head.
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Old 10-09-2012, 02:12 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,199,962 times
Reputation: 22375
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
well, I agree, but I guess she is older, I feel sorry for her a little as her kids are gone, and the husbands always away on business. and I try to be polite. I did put an end to the phone callls and FB "chat" last year.

Practicing zen?, lol that would be over her head.
Yes, it would be over her head and a sure converation stopper.

If she doesn't "get it" you are going to have to help her "get it." Either you want to be interrupted or you don't!

Pretending you are interested is not doing a thing but creating a false sense of friendship. If you don't want to be involved in her life, then you are doing neither yourself or her any "favors" by pretending you are interested in what she has to say. This is insincere, hypocritcal and not a kindness at all!

If she doesn't have a life, that is really her concern, isn't it? You were mocking what she told you -- why are you LISTENING? I wonder how she would feel about your "pity" conversations with her if she actually knew how much you resented being cornered and listening to her sagas?

It is not good for you to be so inauthentic, which you doubtless know in your heart, or you wouldn't have posted what you did.
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:53 PM
 
1,846 posts, read 2,742,108 times
Reputation: 2499
Directed towards the OP...

I never had that issue...
When we lived in our other home, nobody bothered us period...
To our left we had a daughter who took care of her dad, great family..We redid the fence and they chipped in their half..
To our right? An elderly lady whom had her daughters checking in on her all the time. Very spunky..
One day when I was at work my then at the time New b/f went into my backyard to leave a rose for me at the back door, my elderly neighbor looked over her fence and stated "What business do you have back there? She is a good mother and a hard worker, I am going to contact the police.. Aww I miss her, I read in the papers a month ago that she had passed...
My b/f told me this and he told her "I am in love with your neighbor and I am leaving a rose, see" And held up the flower and she smiled and said "Hurry up"

I am by far a nosy neighbor...especially WHEN I see you getting high in your garage, pipe in all, and seeing young HS kids that are not yours since all your kids are in elementary and younger? When I see CWS go to your home, when I see a million cars go in and out...I am sorry but I am going to keep an eye on you, my son lives in this hood...NO DRUGS.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:03 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,287,889 times
Reputation: 62061
There is no reason to stop what you are doing just to chat if you don't want to, walk to the post box, get your mail and walk right back in the house. If the neighbor walks with you fine, just keep walking and when you get to the door tell her it was nice to see her and have a good evening then walk in the door and close it. It is harder to convince a neighbor that you really do not want to chat when you have let it go for 8 years now.
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,756 posts, read 5,326,576 times
Reputation: 2696
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmama View Post
YOU are an example of why neighbors don't get to know each other like they did in decades past. And, yes, that's a bad thing. Not everyone is gregarious and social. In fact, my husband is the social bird, not me so much. But I will make time to talk to a neighbor who makes the effort to walk over and talk. It has nothing to do with nosiness, but all to do with being neighbors. Don't think for one minute that there won't come a day when you'll need help from one.

Keep in mind, too, that a true nosy neighbor is also the watchdog. They'll be the ones who notice something in among the 'hood not right and either check it out themselves or call 9-1-1
Very well said and I agree totally. There is no law or rule that says we have to be friends, but I will be civil and respectful. If by chance, a friendship blossoms, so be it. if not, we can still attempt to co-exist as peacefully as possible.
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Old 10-11-2012, 02:41 AM
 
3,946 posts, read 4,146,121 times
Reputation: 4711
My neighborhood is pretty closed off- I mean, racially divided in a backwards 1950s kinda way..

Doesn't keep the Ropers from snooping into people's backyards.

How I deal with it is be an open book. Don't hide anything. Snoop all you want.

Suspicious neighbors set in their own ways will not change if they keep viewing people with suspicion. Kinda sad actually. To live in fear and mistrust. Ah well. *shrugs*
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Old 06-08-2013, 02:43 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,892 times
Reputation: 16
Default Gossip is the Devil's Radio

Our neighbor is a hyperextroverted, pushy real estate agent who has been trying to get rid of us for nothing for years so she can have our land for her horses, sticks her nose in our business, violates our privacy, watches everything we do, spreads untrue gossip about us. She sleeps around to get what she wants, has never taken care of anyone in her life but herself. Like most extroverts she judges by exteriors and doesn't understand that inside our house is a caregiving situation where I am tending to my elderly parents all day by myself, am an only child, and have an online business, and I do work hard. Not all work is done OUTSIDE! She's downright sadistic and when she tries to be nice, she is as artificial as can be; you know she wants something in return. She's done nothing but put me down ever since she moved in; she reminds me of those snotnosed girls in school who put me down all the time and expected me to kill myself trying to change who I am to suit their chit chatty majesties. It's a good thing for her I don't post her name all over the internet, can't say she does the same about me in spreading clueless gossip. I quote George Harrison, the Dark Horse, the Quiet Beatle: Gossip is the Devil's Radio.
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Old 06-09-2013, 10:02 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,707,785 times
Reputation: 26200
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
Naturally.
I dont expect to change a 58 yr old woman who sits home all day and spies on her neighbors. Just trying to figure a tactful comment to make , instead of saying how I really feel
Here's my advice. Make her a list of resources, domestic abuse, codependency groups, various resources for the things she has bombarded you with. Then next time ask her what she has followed up with. My guess is that she just wants to vent, and you are now putting the responsibility on her. She won't have followed up, she will avoid you because she doesn't want to explain why she hasn't used your list or addressed these issues. I'll bet this works.
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Old 06-11-2013, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,788,374 times
Reputation: 8838
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
There is no reason to stop what you are doing just to chat if you don't want to, walk to the post box, get your mail and walk right back in the house. If the neighbor walks with you fine, just keep walking and when you get to the door tell her it was nice to see her and have a good evening then walk in the door and close it. It is harder to convince a neighbor that you really do not want to chat when you have let it go for 8 years now.
thanks for posting everyone.
well, tbh she was more interested in 'chatting' only when I was getting divorced, so, the type of person who feeds off negativity.

Anyway, Ive moved so , other than messages on fakebook from her, its not an issue. Its funny how fakebook has people messaging you when you're not on there for a year. I hear there's like 5 million fake accts on facebook also.

In the suburbs it helps to be civil, but I will never understand people who think they need to know every single story of every person on the block. This woman knew about everything, but perhaps its bcs she lived in the same place for over 30 years.
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