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Old 10-14-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Southern California
5,510 posts, read 8,179,733 times
Reputation: 5203

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I'm an only child, so I'm glad I don't have teo worry about this stuf, but I'll tell you my boyfriend's situation, which I know about well.

My BF has an identical twin & a younger brother & younger sister. Currently, he's only close to his younger bro surprisingly. My BF doesn't want to do w/ his twin anymore really due to finally being fed up w/ his twin's narcissistic, materialistic, overbearing, crass, insincere attitude. I could keep going on & on with negative adjectives. He's never really been close to his younger sister, who's a female version of his twin.

My BF knows if he ever won the lottery, they'd both be blowing up his phone, wanting to get really chummy, etc, including my BF's loser dad.

I've told my BF before that I wished he was an only child too!
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Old 10-14-2012, 04:41 PM
 
7,983 posts, read 11,681,171 times
Reputation: 10484
Not having a big close family is something of a tragedy for me, I would love it.
My parents are European and so started a little late because of WWII. They came here with my older sistern when she was 3 and had me 4 yrs later. WWII was terrible for my parents. After I was born my mother had her mother come over to take care of me so she could work. According to my sister things were ok till then. But my grandmother was not a nice person to my mother, not then but not growing up either. So in addition to starving in Stalinist Russia and living in fear she had a terrible neglectful emotionally abusive mother.
Anyway, apparently having her here sort of set off what I think of as my Mother's PTSD. So my Grandmother couldn't speak English, my Mother was struggling with all sorts of volatility and my Father was just trying to get through it all and hold it together. It was not a calm nurturing household though my parents are the best people I've ever known.
Again apparently, my sister decided it was all my fault and hated me, hated that she was supposed to keep an eye on me, just basically hated me and told me all the time. She was pretty and smart and I thought she hung the moon. But she always kept me at arms length if not outright kicking me away. She married and had kids, I joined the service. I pretty much always went over there when home on leave, would enter the room, 5 minutes later she would walk out. She treats my mother this way or worse. Always has. Hurts like a motherf&&ker. Finally at 50 or so I finally decided **********. She was the one person who could have been there for me, we could have been there for each other and she's just a freaking mean *****. Not to other people mind (well she treats her husbands like crap too but everyone else thinks she's just the sweetest thing). I'm done. Its over. When my Mom dies I'm alone. Thanks a lot sis for fostering all those social skills.
I wish I had married a man with a huge family.
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:33 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,733 posts, read 9,999,221 times
Reputation: 7536
no
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:34 PM
 
1,119 posts, read 1,181,914 times
Reputation: 652
My closest friends
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Old 10-14-2012, 09:59 PM
 
2,681 posts, read 6,278,738 times
Reputation: 4143
Default for me...

My sister is 10 months younger and we speak on the phone at least twice a week...My brother is 11 years older and is an ass...we haven't spoken in over 35 years...
Koale
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Old 10-14-2012, 11:34 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
25,123 posts, read 24,004,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
no
Concise and to the point.
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Old 10-14-2012, 11:44 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,576,790 times
Reputation: 29034
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
The older you get, the more important family will become to you. Keep communications open, they will become invaluable after 25. Before 25 most people don't get it.
I think that's excellent advice. I have very little in common with my two brothers on a superficial level. Different careers, financial statuses, marital states, different areas of the country, I have no children and they do, etc. But we accept each other for what we are. Rather than criticize me for being different than them, both of my brothers have encouraged me to forge a bond with their kids so they can see that people who live a different way can have fulfilling, interesting lives. And even though I don't think like my brothers in most ways, I understand how they think and why ... and it's OK with me.

But siblings have one unique thing that you can find no where else. Nobody else knows what your childhood was like the way a sibling does. The environment may have worn on you in different ways, but who else can you talk to about your parents and grandparents who know exactly what you mean? Who else knows about the houses you lived in, or the holidays you spent together, or all the weird or wonderful relatives and neighbors who were in your orbit?

As JanND notes, I don't think those kinds of memories are that meaningful to someone when they are young. But hit middle age, start having no one in your life who knows your past, and that bond can become more special. Maybe you'll never be as close as friends you chose, but when memory lane starts getting longer, you'll appreciate walking down it with someone who was there at the beginning.
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Old 10-15-2012, 12:02 AM
Status: "LILY DALE!" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,299,713 times
Reputation: 48877
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
I'm just wondering if I am in the minority here.

I have 3 siblings - 1 older brother, 1 older sister and 1 younger brother.

I "get along" with them but for the most part, I am not close to any of them. My older brother and I barely speek unless we have to.

My sister is very different from me. She doesn't "get" me and constantly puts be down. Although, she doesn't put me down so much now b/c I hardly speak to her. If she does put me down, sometimes it's passive agressive and I don't realize it until later that evening when I'm home alone.

My younger brother's wife is very secretive so he can't say much to me or else his wife will get mad at him.

My point is, i hear of people who love their brothers and sisters and are so close, but I don't feel like that at all.

These are people who if they weren't related to me, I probably wouldn't be friends with them.

Am I alone in this? Are you close to your brothers/sisters?

Especially if you're a female, are you close to your sister?

If you're a male are you close to your brothers?

I don't think you are in the minority at all. I think that some people remain very close to their siblings through out life and others do not.

Family dynamics play a big part. How your parents were, how they treated each of you, and then add the individual personalities of yourself and your sibs.

Make no mistake, having the same parents does not guarantee that you will have anything in common with these people! I know that this sounds counterintuitive , but it's been my experience.

In my case, I am the eldest daughter of four, the older two are sisters, the toungest a 1/2 brother.
My closest sister chronologically, is eighteen months younger than I.

Whe we were children, we played well together, but even as a little girl, I recognized that she was odd. Once my ext sister was born, when I was seven and she was 5 and a half, she regressed and became like a baby! It was very weird I saw the youngest as, well a baby. Someone cute and little but ot my age. She bonded with the youngest and regressed after her birth.

For example, I'd want to push baby sister i the stroller where as she would want to get into the stroller!

She had a plethora of fears and strange anxieties. Sometime I felt protective of her, and at other times she just annoyed me.

She never wanted to hang out with me in middle school or HS, although I invited her to. She was competitive with me in weird ways and seemed to always seek to not like the same things as I did.

The youngest sister was and is spoiled ad entitled. She has narcissistic tendencies and she is very bossy and obnoxious. She can also be mean and manipulative.

The one who was eighteen months younger never married. The other married early and is estranged from three of her four children, who just can't stand her.

The two sisters continue a tumultuous drama fraught relationship with periods of extreem closeness followed by moths of not speaking.

It's just not worth it for me.

At this point inmy life I remain closer to three of my cousins than I do to those two. We have enjoyed great relationships!

My mom used to attempt to force closeness between my sister and I. She dressed us alike, although we look nothing alike and raved on about how some day we would be one another's maids of honor and best friends for life. That never happened.

Since my mother died of cancer while in my early 20s, she was not alive for my wedding having died a year before. I felt guilty in a way, so I chose her as my maid of honor, out of respect for my mother's wishes. I am sorry that I did. She was a horrible made of honor ad made my engagement stressful, complaining all the time about what a burden it was for her.

She hated that I was i the spotlight. And I mean HATED. I wish I had chosen one of my female cousins or my college room mate and best friend.

I think when two siblings are of the same gender and born very closely, that this seems to happen. Especially with sisters.

I havn't seen either of them for two years. And you might think that this is sad, bit I have other close relationships and I'm fine with that. I do not need this drama and craziness.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:51 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,733 posts, read 9,999,221 times
Reputation: 7536
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
Concise and to the point.

From the looks of things, obviously there's people here been 'best buddies' with their siblings and that's all well and good, especially sisters are supposed to be a certain way. ha. That's not how it is for everyone including me. Also, just because a person is related to you doesn't give them carte blanche to treat you any way they so choose. But I see a lot of people follow that principle as well to a fault. They must've never had their teenage sibling punch them dead in the face and break their glasses as a child, among other things. If they did maybe they wouldn't be so quick to rave about 'sibling bonding.'
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Old 10-15-2012, 07:17 AM
 
795 posts, read 1,290,442 times
Reputation: 1144
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I don't think you are in the minority at all. I think that some people remain very close to their siblings through out life and others do not.

Family dynamics play a big part. How your parents were, how they treated each of you, and then add the individual personalities of yourself and your sibs.

Make no mistake, having the same parents does not guarantee that you will have anything in common with these people! I know that this sounds counterintuitive , but it's been my experience.

In my case, I am the eldest daughter of four, the older two are sisters, the toungest a 1/2 brother.
My closest sister chronologically, is eighteen months younger than I.

Whe we were children, we played well together, but even as a little girl, I recognized that she was odd. Once my ext sister was born, when I was seven and she was 5 and a half, she regressed and became like a baby! It was very weird I saw the youngest as, well a baby. Someone cute and little but ot my age. She bonded with the youngest and regressed after her birth.

For example, I'd want to push baby sister i the stroller where as she would want to get into the stroller!

She had a plethora of fears and strange anxieties. Sometime I felt protective of her, and at other times she just annoyed me.

She never wanted to hang out with me in middle school or HS, although I invited her to. She was competitive with me in weird ways and seemed to always seek to not like the same things as I did.

The youngest sister was and is spoiled ad entitled. She has narcissistic tendencies and she is very bossy and obnoxious. She can also be mean and manipulative.

The one who was eighteen months younger never married. The other married early and is estranged from three of her four children, who just can't stand her.

The two sisters continue a tumultuous drama fraught relationship with periods of extreem closeness followed by moths of not speaking.

It's just not worth it for me.

At this point inmy life I remain closer to three of my cousins than I do to those two. We have enjoyed great relationships!

My mom used to attempt to force closeness between my sister and I. She dressed us alike, although we look nothing alike and raved on about how some day we would be one another's maids of honor and best friends for life. That never happened.

Since my mother died of cancer while in my early 20s, she was not alive for my wedding having died a year before. I felt guilty in a way, so I chose her as my maid of honor, out of respect for my mother's wishes. I am sorry that I did. She was a horrible made of honor ad made my engagement stressful, complaining all the time about what a burden it was for her.

She hated that I was i the spotlight. And I mean HATED. I wish I had chosen one of my female cousins or my college room mate and best friend.

I think when two siblings are of the same gender and born very closely, that this seems to happen. Especially with sisters.

I havn't seen either of them for two years. And you might think that this is sad, bit I have other close relationships and I'm fine with that. I do not need this drama and craziness.
My older brother had behavior problems. My father never wanted him. It was my mom's pregnancy with my older brother that "made" my dad stay with my mom. My fathers family talked him into staying with my mom (because she was pregnant). My mom was afraid of being alone so didn't want my dad to go.

They had been married a few years before she became pregnant with my older brother. My dad was having an affair with a college girlfriend.

My older brother was a bully so very hard to love let alone like. We get along now but it's very superficial.

My sister was my mom's confidant. My mother would confide in her about my father's on-going affairs with different women he worked with. They were very close and still are to this day. I was always the intruder.

My sister is very attractive but had a small chest and weird legs. I had a full chest and great legs. Some people considered me prettier than her, although I would always idolize her.

But through the years, she would taunt me and say mean things to me. She told me I was stupid. Her high school bf told me I was ugly.

But also through the years she would be nice to me and treat me special. She is not an extremist but with me she went back and forth.

My younger brother could do no wrong in my parents eyes. He was their last hope.

Without boring whoever reads this anymore than I have to, my family situation is dysfunctional to say the least. I worry the most about my sister and me because I really do want to be close but we just can't be. She has since gotten implants, had lipo on her legs, and has had several procedures on her face. She does look great. I look like my age.

To be honest, I do have a hard time with all her "enhancements" because she is always claiming broke with her kids.

Now, my sister barely talks to me. She is best friends with a cousin, has lots of friends, and I have lost my friends since moving here. I am having a hard time meeting people even though I've been hear 12 years. Just when I need my sister the most, she is gone and wants it that way.

Why am I writing and asking people if they are close to their siblings? Because I want to know I'm not alone. I realize that things happens and families are dysfunctional. Some worse than others. I just get upset when people say "my sister/brother" are my best friend and I can't even consider my siblings friends.

I know I have issues, and I'm working on them. I also know that I haven't been the greatest sister either. When she has reached out, I have pulled away. Our timing is always off.

But I've stopped trusting her and my Mom. Anything I tell my Mom, goes straight to my sister/brother.

I feel like I have no one and I do need someone. I wonder how much of the ill-will is my fault. Should I keep trying with these people, especially my sister or just give up? Is it worth it?
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