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Old 10-11-2012, 11:31 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,475,592 times
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This is an awesome thread. There are so many things which sound so much like me. I fully understand relating to adults as a kid and not releting well to kids. I was serious and a bookworm and very much interested in intellectual things. My mom's 'club' which went out to dinner once a month and met together each month themselves were people I knew. Mom brought me. I found adults, who had intersting things to say, far more my choice than kids who were boring.

Interesting that even those more outgoing in some ways all prefer solitude to some degree. I grew up with my cousins, and my female cousin and I spent as much time with each other as not, but it was different, I suppose. I didn't like staying at her house since her brothers teased us. The sad thing with onlies is that when the parents are gone, unlike those with siblings, your the last one left with the memories of family life and events and how it was back then. I often think we should write them down for our kids to read since nobody is going to tell them now.

I've also been attacked to my 'substitute' families, especially number twos. Its amazing how much like my dad my father in law is. It helps when I feel like so much has been lost since I am no longer in contact with my cousins, and our parents are gone, but I cherish all the memories.

I don't regret being an only. I'll never say I was cheated out of brothers and sisters. I was extrordinarily close to my parents, and don't know if when my mom died and I eventually moved if I would have since she was always such an enormous presense in my life.

I think when you start out having to learn how to live with yourself, you learn skills that later siblings never need, and this is a unique gift we have. I read somewhere that the profiles of siblings more than six years apart are much more similar to onlies and first born kids. I can't imagine never having those afternoons with nobody out there to annoy you where you could discover whole worlds in a book or a tub of legos or logs...
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Old 10-13-2012, 07:56 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,735 posts, read 16,475,984 times
Reputation: 22338
Do you feel generally happy in life? Yes - when I'm not super stressed by work; I feel generally happy.

Are you very close to your parents? Yes - my parents were probably way over protective of me since I had a brother that was killed in a car wreck. So, I was pretty helpless until I finally moved a good distance away. It was good for me. Once I had my son, my parents were awesome Grandparents and I moved again to be closer to them and my extended family. I find extended family to be fairly important as an only. My Mother died in 2001.

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends? I try to do both. I recently changed jobs because I couldn't stand working out of my home 24/7 with no adult companionship. Now I work in a large office where I'm fairly social; I have a group of friends that I work out with daily and another group that loves to go and do things together. BUT ~ I simply must have some alone time thoughout the week or I'm not fit to be around.

Do you know any other only children? Not that many. The ones I do know are like me - fiercely independent and are not unhappy spending some time in solitude.

Any other comments

I've really enjoyed reading this thread. It seems like most us need some downtime when we are completely alone.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:22 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,379,145 times
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Raised as an only child. Was close to my mother during my early years but never my father. They both became serious alcoholics and I had very little to do with them as an adult. However they both died over 20 years ago and are no longer an issue.

I had quite a few friends and acquaintances when young but like many have expressed, I really got along well with adults. By the time I reached high school my circle of friends had dwindled to a acquaintances only. Part of that was being quite a bit of a loner. The other part was not particularly liking most people. Looking back I can see where I spent the majority of my life being quite angry. That does not make for close relationships.

As far as knowing other single children goes, I married one. I was 50 at the time (this is my second marriage) and we did always gotten along well as friends. I'm also happy to say that I haven't been angry since. Like me, she is somewhat of a loner. Therefore we complement one another. I think it important to point out that both of us were also raised by career military fathers. That meant many moves during our lifetimes and that constant upheaval did not make for close friend relationships. Together we have good neighbors and many acquaintances. Close friends are still few and far between.

We constantly chuckle over the fact that here we are, two single children. However, somehow between us we managed to have seven children two which have been added 12 grandchildren and one great grandchild. Therefore we now have a large family and that's something we still can't figure out but we do enjoy it.
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Old 10-13-2012, 08:32 AM
 
541 posts, read 974,003 times
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I'm an only child too. I have some questions regarding your life:

Do you feel generally happy in life? Yes, very happy, most of the time!

Are you very close to your parents?

No, my mom has serious mental issues, we see each other often but she is not the first person I call when I want to share news good or bad. Never met my father. When I was younger I use to fantasize about having him in my life but when I re-connected with him, I realized I may have been better off without him in my life.

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends?

Both, I enjoy my alone time but have many friends.

Do you know any other only children?

I know a few as aquaintances but we are not close friends.

Any other comments?

I was mostly raised in daycare. Before and after school. My mom was single parent and so I may not be typical only child.
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Old 10-29-2012, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Southern California
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OP here again. Anyone have any other questions you want to know about us only kids?
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:55 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,410 posts, read 8,105,644 times
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Someone here wants to know:

Do adult only children get tired of hearing that only kids grow up to be selfish?

My personal answer:

I hear the world SPOILED to refer to only kids more than anything. It personally doesn't bother me. People can think what they want. I know how I was raised & I'm a genuinely good person.
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Old 10-31-2012, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,236 posts, read 13,945,564 times
Reputation: 25884
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
I'm an only child too. I have some questions regarding your life:

Do you feel generally happy in life? Yes, but it takes real work because I have a hard time dealing with day-to-day life.

Are you very close to your parents? No. Was closer to my dad than Mom. She was bipolar and her possessiveness-overprotectiveness pushed me away.

Are you the type who enjoys/prefers the solitude that you probably had from not having siblings growing up OR have you made sure you mostly surrounded yourself with friends? I am very much the loner. I do have a few close friends but don't need to be around them all the time. I like solitutude and prefer to travel alone if not with my husband.

Do you know any other only children? I've known a few but am not friends with any.

Any other comments? Below.
I am not an only child. I have two much older brothers who were out of the house by the time my tiny memories started to form. But I was raised and treated as an only child. I was also raised in the country (farm). I envied the other kids who lived in town and could interact with each other at play. On the other hand, I developed a ultra-keen ability to entertain myself, and the farm offered certain enjoyment that the "city slicker" kids couldn't enjoy.

Being alone in itself was not so much the problem, but having a parent (mother) who made it worse. She did not encourage friends.
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Old 10-31-2012, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,236 posts, read 13,945,564 times
Reputation: 25884
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
Someone here wants to know:

Do adult only children get tired of hearing that only kids grow up to be selfish?

My personal answer:

I hear the world SPOILED to refer to only kids more than anything. It personally doesn't bother me. People can think what they want. I know how I was raised & I'm a genuinely good person.
I don't know about selfish but I think that my husband's side of the family finds me anti-social (true) and non-family-oriented (true, too). I get a long with them, but they know that our door is not a swinging one for people (family or not) to take advantage, nor do I like people staying in my house. Our home is not a good choice for freeloaders.

But there are PLENTY of selfish and self-centered people from normal size and big families, too.
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Old 10-31-2012, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,410 posts, read 8,105,644 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmama View Post
I don't know about selfish but I think that my husband's side of the family finds me anti-social (true) and non-family-oriented (true, too). I get a long with them, but they know that our door is not a swinging one for people (family or not) to take advantage, nor do I like people staying in my house. Our home is not a good choice for freeloaders.

But there are PLENTY of selfish and self-centered people from normal size and big families, too.
OP here & I'm the exact same way. Whoever I marry, I'll be the same way. I'm with a long-term boyfriend & I've been with him for years & I can count the # of times I've seen his (pretty large) family, probably on 1 hand. Them not being welcoming, warm & sincere is the main reason for that though. They probably think I'm this anti-social, boring dud...oh well. They can think whatever the hell they want!

As far as being family-oriented, I'm not so much that either. Both of my parents sides of the family live about an hour's drive away, which to most people isn't too far, but we haven't seen them in at least 3-4 years & honestly don't plan to see them anytime soon. We prefer to do our own thing on holidays too. If it were up to me, I'd be travelling on most Thanksgivings & Christmases. New Year's though is too crazy out there to be out & about.
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Old 11-01-2012, 08:40 PM
 
Location: North Central S.A.
1,221 posts, read 2,318,580 times
Reputation: 956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmama View Post
I am not an only child. I have two much older brothers who were out of the house by the time my tiny memories started to form. But I was raised and treated as an only child. I was also raised in the country (farm). I envied the other kids who lived in town and could interact with each other at play. On the other hand, I developed a ultra-keen ability to entertain myself, and the farm offered certain enjoyment that the "city slicker" kids couldn't enjoy.

Being alone in itself was not so much the problem, but having a parent (mother) who made it worse. She did not encourage friends.
I am an only child who grew up on a farm! Like you, I was great at entertaining myself...but I would cherish have friends coming over to play, or sleepovers on my birthdays. I would even cry when they left. Soooo, yes, it's a two-edged sword.
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