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Old 10-12-2012, 02:46 PM
 
9,228 posts, read 18,857,713 times
Reputation: 22141

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The best way to get out of the grip of an overly dependent person is to not get into their grip in the first place. You can see the outcome of this from miles away, right? So don't do it.

Would you rather be posting this today, deciding to not live with her, and maybe deal with the discomfort that comes with telling her? Or would you rather be back her posting in 6 months that you are living with a clingy, dependent friend who is driving you crazy and making your life miserable? Then a bunch of us will check the posting history, find this thread, and say "we told you so!"

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
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Old 10-12-2012, 04:56 PM
 
413 posts, read 763,931 times
Reputation: 388
This sounds as though it could be more than annoying; it could
become dangerous. Good fences make good neighbors. Keep your
distance and your boundaries.
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Old 10-13-2012, 04:35 PM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,354,667 times
Reputation: 14809
Quote:
Originally Posted by skydivers-in-reverse View Post
I really thought that if I sat down and spoke to her earnestly(really, who wants to do everything with their roommate anyway?) that it would help.
I have a feeling that if it's not me moving in with her, she won't move, period, and I would probably have to find roommates I didn't know(which I've done before and is okay, but not preferred).
I think that if you have an honest talk with her like you've said, she'll understand, most people need a little time to themselves.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:15 PM
 
340 posts, read 900,473 times
Reputation: 566
I had a friend like that in college and I did move in with her. Bad idea! We were very close and now no longer speak to each other. I really need my "me time" and would spend time just in my room in our apartment. She was always in the living room and she got extremely irritated with me that I was spending time alone in my room. The whole thing just really blew up and ruined our entire friendship.
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:34 PM
 
7,970 posts, read 11,614,637 times
Reputation: 10458
Do her a favor and tell her how you feel even though its freaking uncomfortable. Its not fair to people to not let them know why people keep avoiding them. Obviously do it with as much sensitivity as you can but also don't promise anything or tell her you'll always her friend or anything if she freaks out. You must stick to the truth. If she works through it in a couple of weeks and responds with a thoughtful discussion then good. You've helped her and are working on a relationship that works for both of you. If not, well then it may be time for some distance as she could be somewhat unbalanced.
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Old 10-15-2012, 03:22 PM
 
Location: philadelphia
160 posts, read 266,390 times
Reputation: 135
Thankyou guys for all your input.
I am going to sit down with her and flat out tell her what's been bothering me and what needs to change if and when we end up moving in. This move will not happen until after I finish up the Fall semester - so I've got time to ponder it. I have expressed irritation at her copying my every move and she seems to realize this and has been a little less obnoxious about it.
A few people asked me what I was getting out of this relationship and I've been pondering that. I do enjoy hanging out with her, and she hasn't been a bad friend. In fact, she's been with me through the highs and the lows and I feel like I can tell this girl anything and not be judged. Part of the reason why I like her is because I can be up front and honest.

I have moved in with friends before and it hasn't worked out, and I know that good friends do not equate to good roommates. The last thing I want is to ruin this friendship and then be stuck in a lease for a year, and if she doesn't seem to get that she needs to be a little more independent I'm going to suggest that we find different places and continue to hang out. I know that she'll be in a new place and will probably cling a bit at first, but she is actually a very social person and has friends in Philly already and seems to make them really easily.

I'm going to do what I'd want my friend to do in this situation and be honest and try and improve it before leaving her high and dry.
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