U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-16-2012, 12:34 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780

Advertisements

Most of my friends don't try to do this, but some have. Furthermore, they have always ignored criteria that anyone who half-way knew me would know the situation wouldn't work for me. Except for one male co-worker, the other few were women, and sometimes were the wives of a friend. In some ways, it's no different than being pushed to do MLM. Either way, it's a trespassing of boundaries. Not surprisingly, these people ALSO had "boundary" issues - a pop psych term that I actually sort of like.

These people are history in my case. I know one friend going back to age 23, who is also single and she's also very attractive, who said "You just don't meddle in affairs of the heart." She hates when people do this to her. I agree with how she feels.

Would you let go of a "friend" who constantly tries to matchmake you? Do you have any such experiences under your belt?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-16-2012, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,614 posts, read 13,143,988 times
Reputation: 16173
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Most of my friends don't try to do this, but some have. Furthermore, they have always ignored criteria that anyone who half-way knew me would know the situation wouldn't work for me. Except for one male co-worker, the other few were women, and sometimes were the wives of a friend. In some ways, it's no different than being pushed to do MLM. Either way, it's a trespassing of boundaries. Not surprisingly, these people ALSO had "boundary" issues - a pop psych term that I actually sort of like.

These people are history in my case. I know one friend going back to age 23, who is also single and she's also very attractive, who said "You just don't meddle in affairs of the heart." She hates when people do this to her. I agree with how she feels.

Would you let go of a "friend" who constantly tries to matchmake you? Do you have any such experiences under your belt?
I would not, Would instead thank them for their concern and decline their offer. And only one close friend tried once with nothing but good intentions. I did not date her though. I found my GF on my own with this very forum actually, And this is coming from a guy who has never nor even considered meeting someone through the web..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 02:12 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
I would not, Would instead thank them for their concern and decline their offer. And only one close friend tried once with nothing but good intentions. I did not date her though. I found my GF on my own with this very forum actually, And this is coming from a guy who has never nor even considered meeting someone through the web..
Yes, one and once are the operative words. I was describing more of the 3 strikes + scenario. That becomes irritating.

And, yes, congrats for that. From her posts, we know who it is!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
2,907 posts, read 4,922,554 times
Reputation: 3872
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Most of my friends don't try to do this, but some have. Furthermore, they have always ignored criteria that anyone who half-way knew me would know the situation wouldn't work for me. Except for one male co-worker, the other few were women, and sometimes were the wives of a friend. In some ways, it's no different than being pushed to do MLM. Either way, it's a trespassing of boundaries. Not surprisingly, these people ALSO had "boundary" issues - a pop psych term that I actually sort of like.

These people are history in my case. I know one friend going back to age 23, who is also single and she's also very attractive, who said "You just don't meddle in affairs of the heart." She hates when people do this to her. I agree with how she feels.

Would you let go of a "friend" who constantly tries to matchmake you? Do you have any such experiences under your belt?
No. Why would you punish a friend who is merely trying to cultivate your happiness?? How odd.

If you categorically do not want to be set up by any of your friends, clearly say so and ask them to stop.

End of story.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 03:42 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idlewile View Post
No. Why would you punish a friend who is merely trying to cultivate your happiness?? How odd.

If you categorically do not want to be set up by any of your friends, clearly say so and ask them to stop.

End of story.
Woman, correct? "Cultivate your happiness."

Please read without using selective perception.
1) They know what type of person you are. They know your "deal breakers." They ignore them.
2) They were asked to stop. Firmly. They were also told why: "I can shop for myself."

Does that change your answer?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 03:45 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,221,218 times
Reputation: 62050
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Most of my friends don't try to do this, but some have. Furthermore, they have always ignored criteria that anyone who half-way knew me would know the situation wouldn't work for me. Except for one male co-worker, the other few were women, and sometimes were the wives of a friend. In some ways, it's no different than being pushed to do MLM. Either way, it's a trespassing of boundaries. Not surprisingly, these people ALSO had "boundary" issues - a pop psych term that I actually sort of like.

These people are history in my case. I know one friend going back to age 23, who is also single and she's also very attractive, who said "You just don't meddle in affairs of the heart." She hates when people do this to her. I agree with how she feels.

Would you let go of a "friend" who constantly tries to matchmake you? Do you have any such experiences under your belt?

If you have already told them you are not interested in their matchmaking skills and asked them to stop and they haven't, they are not friends who respect you or your wishes. The next time they ask to meet you either decline or accept, then go and if you find they have decided to do a 'matchmaking' session you turn around and leave.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 04:14 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 14,431,784 times
Reputation: 36811
Nope. I've seen too many "set ups" work out.

Guess what?! The person being/open to set up usually ends up with a SO they never thought they would: opposite in personality, opposite in likes/dislikes, opposite in the political realm, and so on and so forth. Perhaps that is what your pals are counting on in your situation.

Cut 'em some slack.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Greater NYC
2,907 posts, read 4,922,554 times
Reputation: 3872
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Woman, correct? "Cultivate your happiness."
Why? Because all men are inarticulate?

So, these matchmakers tie you up, and drag you to a restaurant for a blind date? Or drive you themselves to pick up the woman to be certain you physically show up. I'm confused.

If you don't want to participate, why do you?

Eh, it doesn't matter since I tend to agree with the other poster when it comes to matchmaking -- more than half of the happily married couples I know were not only set up but ended up with people that didn't meet their original requirements whatsoever.

Good luck dating.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Boston
701 posts, read 1,271,053 times
Reputation: 1021
My friends know not to even try matching me up with someone. I've warned them once and that was all that was needed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2012, 06:45 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,608,889 times
Reputation: 8780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idlewile View Post
Why? Because all men are inarticulate?

So, these matchmakers tie you up, and drag you to a restaurant for a blind date? Or drive you themselves to pick up the woman to be certain you physically show up. I'm confused.

If you don't want to participate, why do you?

Eh, it doesn't matter since I tend to agree with the other poster when it comes to matchmaking -- more than half of the happily married couples I know were not only set up but ended up with people that didn't meet their original requirements whatsoever.

Good luck dating.
First, you are obviously of the school that one must be in a relationship to be complete. That isn't the case. I have never had problems getting dates. The last few dates I had, procured on my own, were with nice, intelligent women, but had one of my big-time "deal breakers." It doesn't matter which one. I "cut my losses" to not waste my time and to avoid hurting their feelings. I haven't been on a date in quite a while and don't miss it.

You are confused about the facts. NO date occurred. They start trying to sell me on somebody, give me the details, and I tell them I'm NOT interested. Usually, it happens when I'm at their home visiting my friend (their husbands who I knew prior to marrying them) and happen to be having dinner or coffee with them. A woman isn't interested in seeing a man's checklist filled. She's looking to see her friend find somebody. There's a conflict of interests.

Incidentally, I've been on 3 "blind dates" that I concurred with, prior to a barrage of attempted nuisance set ups. One was set up by a relative and the other 2 were set up by people I had gone to grad school with. I heard the list of attributes, trusted their judgment, and went on these dates. The dates were civil, the women were attractive, but they were way more "corporate" and formal than I am, so each of them were one-date wonders.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top