U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-28-2019, 04:50 AM
 
18,354 posts, read 23,527,654 times
Reputation: 34402

Advertisements

if its meant to be...its meant to be...

most of us go thru this....

if they are truly in love...theyd hit a compromise to be together..

if the guy is so smart...then find a local college.... or does it come down to money???? oh, he could make an extra 100k?? but lose the love of his life??

this door swings both ways..

if he doesn't go and they break up in 3 months...then he missed a hell of an opportunity...

in previous generations and even now military couples.....sacrifice a huge amount with time apart but try to make it work.

if he truly liked/loved her he would compromise .as to not lose her
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-28-2019, 11:57 AM
 
9,519 posts, read 13,447,491 times
Reputation: 5694
I told my husband at the beginning when we started dating I will NEVER move away ever. Nope. NEVER happening. We're still here


Moving is a very big deal. Not everyone wants to. I have a very good job here and if I move away, I would take a very large pay cut, b/c where I live now is the #1 area (highest paying) for my line of work.


My career is important to me and thankfully my husband understands that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-01-2019, 06:58 AM
 
11,264 posts, read 8,429,934 times
Reputation: 20438
She didn't want to try long distance? This was a win/win for everyone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-01-2019, 02:03 PM
 
2,677 posts, read 1,071,921 times
Reputation: 5171
Default If you love me let me go...

Your boy made a difficult decision wisely.
Perhaps you recognize this popular saying: "If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it's yours; if it doesn't, it wasn't. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-01-2019, 03:20 PM
 
8,197 posts, read 11,913,206 times
Reputation: 17979
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTimidBlueBars View Post
Committing to a life partner at 22? When I was 22 I couldn't commit to which Smash Bros. character I wanted to beat my friends' butts with.
My wife and I met at 19, started dating at 20, got engaged at 21, and married at 22.

We celebrated our 40th anniversary this past December.

I guess some of us are just more mature than others at 22.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-01-2019, 09:31 PM
 
2,132 posts, read 1,004,262 times
Reputation: 8673
I think he did the right thing. You didn't mention her reasons for trying to make him stay, but usually the issue is that the girl doesn't want to move away from her parents. THAT IS A PROBLEM, when it is taken to the point that it becomes a roadblock to jobs and education for her or her significant other (eg him).

Just stay out of it. She could be the worst harridan in the world, and he will forget that and have false regrets later, or she could be the sweetest angel on earth, and he'll forget that and NOT regret it later. Whatever happens later is out of all of our hands. But it sounds more like she valued standing still more than her relationship with HIM, rather than "he chose his career over luuuv". He doesn't even HAVE a career (yet). If he got into grad school, he should go. If she can't see how that would benefit any possible future family they might have had, well, I don't think someone so short sighted as to stop her significant other from getting an education would make a very good life partner. I had an aunt-by-marriage who did that to one of my uncles. My dad was going to pay for this one younger brother of his to go to college to get an engineering degree after the war (that would be Dubya-Dubya-Two). He could have stayed in the same town even. But she was adamant that he not go to college (FOR FREE yet) for some totally stupid reason I am sure.

Consequently this uncle of mine was forever thereafter relegated to blue collar labor.

I think the fact that she refused to go with him or continue to see him in a long-distance kind of relationship is evidence that she wasn't all that serious about him anyway. Get real. This is the 21st century. Employment is chancy at best and bound to get worse, PARTICULARLY for those who lack necessary education. It isn't 1950 and Ford isn't panting to hire every reasonably healthy 18 year old straight out of high school. You take your employment and education where you can find them. It is unrealistic for anyone in this day and age to think they will never have to move for jobs or education. Well, maybe a few farmers, but even that can be a real crapshoot, say if you lose the farm due to drought and debt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2019, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,783 posts, read 4,836,241 times
Reputation: 19453
If she's not going to be supportive of his career even in the education phase of life, how supportive is she going to be when he needs to move for a job? Of course she may have career reasons to stay where she is. Bottom line is if the career feels more important to him than the relationship, and she's insistent on staying, then he has his answer.

Lasting long term relationships require compromise. Sometimes that means one person doesn't get what they want right now, but the same person should not have to keep sacrificing for the other. It should be a two way street. So if she has valid reasons to stay, and he can get the exact same education where she is, maybe this time he compromises, but next time she might have to move for him. If they can't work that out, they won't last anyway. Better to break it off sooner, before they have a house and kids and they half to cut everything in half.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2019, 12:30 PM
 
20,564 posts, read 16,631,628 times
Reputation: 38619
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
if its meant to be...its meant to be...

most of us go thru this....

if they are truly in love...theyd hit a compromise to be together..

if the guy is so smart...then find a local college.... or does it come down to money???? oh, he could make an extra 100k?? but lose the love of his life??

this door swings both ways..

if he doesn't go and they break up in 3 months...then he missed a hell of an opportunity...

in previous generations and even now military couples.....sacrifice a huge amount with time apart but try to make it work.

if he truly liked/loved her he would compromise .as to not lose her
I completely disagree with this. If he got a 98th percentile on his GMATs, chances are he got accepted to Harvard business school, Wharton, Yale or some other prestige University that is going to change the course of his life and future. Hed be a fool to bypass that for a local college, for a girl hes only been dating for a year. It appears she is the one refusing to compromise.

In my opinion, it is a very selfish kind of love that would try to hold someone back from achieving his highest potential. If she really tried to get him to bypass the University he got accepted to just to remain around her, I think hes dodged a bullet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2019, 01:15 PM
 
Location: California
1,306 posts, read 395,374 times
Reputation: 2337
Quote:
Originally Posted by DomRep View Post
Hey guys! Wow, I did not expect a 7 year old thread to be resurrected lol! They broke up. He went out West to further his education, she stayed local (though I think she moved to Florida or something). He met someone maybe 2-3 years ago and they're now engaged. Crazy how life works out.
Its so nice to get an update from an old thread. Yes amazing the twists and turns life takes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-02-2019, 05:22 PM
 
Location: California
30,701 posts, read 33,473,253 times
Reputation: 26124
LDR's while attending school take up too much emotional energy. The thing about breaking up is that people can and do often get back together when life circumstances change. And both may find their lives go in better directions with other people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top