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I couldn't put together a correct title, I may change it later. Background story, a good friend of mine, one I consider a brother of mine, met this girl last year. They have been dating a year, they have taken a trip to Hawaii, my boy met her parents and spent a lot of time with them. They were both in love with each other.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, he does extremely well (98th percentile or something) on his GMAT, and he wants to go away to business school. Long story short, she doesn't want move away with him, while he feels like he needs to move forward with his life, thinking big picture, thinking that in the long run, they will be better off based on the decision or decisions he is making. I guess she didn't see it that way, she kept talking about (and who wouldn't, it's something that will arguably change their lives) and he broke it off with her. His reasoning is that he needs someone that can keep up with him, and I think that maybe he felt she was holding him down.
Either way...I consider this guy a great friend of mine, I kinda want to pick his brain to see where his head is at. I support him, but at the same time, I wonder if he might regret it later. He wanted to do the long distance relationship thing, but she didn't want to try it. IDK, I don't want to get involved, it's the last thing I want to do, but there's two great business schools in the area, he could have stayed local, kept his job, kept his girlfriend....
Curious to hear the boards thoughts on this. I am in a similar boat with my girlfriend. I barely see her during the week b/c we both work and she goes to grad school. Short term it hurts, but I see the big picture, and maybe my boy's girlfriend didn't see it that way. Who knows...
Edit: Thinking about it a little more, it looks like he chose his career over his girlfriend. Whether that's right or wrong, it's subjective IMO. He seems to be holding up.
Fair. If he broke it off, then part of him wanted to anyway. He probably just wants to move to a new place and get a new life. He may not put it that way to you, but that's probably what he's after.
Everyone knows what is best for themselves and they shouldn't compromise that for anyone. Often easier said than done. His most important value seems to be his education and his future, if she was his most important value then he'd still be with her. So for him, it was the right choice. Whether or not he'll regret it later is a consequence he's willing to risk.
He seems selfish and short-sighted to me. Then again, when I was younger, I would have done the same. But at 29, I've lost track of the men and women my age and older who met someone in their twenties who end up telling someone (usually me if they know me) of how they met someone special in their twenties and let them go.
I'd bet my Louis Vuitton handbag collection that he will be crying into a shot of whiskey and whining about how he is single at 35, with no kids, living alone in a house/apartment and miserable.
Last May I met a man now 34 who is in this very same situation. Met the perfect woman at 25, but she didn't want to move but he did. He broke up with her. Now at 34, he makes good money but lives alone in his beach house, and is very sad and unhappy about what he has accumulated because he has no woman and no children to share it with.
It is not everyday in your life you will find someone special. A career is just a job that you might actually want to do, and not worth sacrificing someone special for. He could have gone to business school anywhere.
From experience, I can tell you, he will regret this later. I've lost track of the men and women who have done the same...and regretted it.
I would also add that if he is in his early 20's, he is too young to be getting tied down to someone that will affect his future. Rarely does anyone meet their perfect match at 22, and if they do, both of them will go through a lot of changes over the course of their 20's and in most cases they don't stay together. I would never advise an 18 - 22 year old to choose a girl over his future. That's ridiculous!
Last edited by Coolhand68; 10-19-2012 at 09:25 AM..
We're all around the same age, 26/27 years old. I'm a lil confused, pretty sure me and most of the other guys in the group thought he was gonna propose within the next year or so.
It will be interesting to see if he regrets his decision later. I don't fault him though. If he gave up something he felt was really important to him to stay with her then he might come to resent her later. If they're supposed to be together then it will work out later down the road.
Well, if he was willing to do a long distance relationship and she didn't want to, I would really see her as the one who was doing the breaking up. Long distance relationships aren't easy, but we're talking, what 2 years? I can understand her not wanting to move and even not wanting to do a LDR. I can also see him wanting to go to that particular school vs. local ones. IMO, the fact they couldn't come to a compromise that worked for both of them didn't bode well for marriage and I think it's good they found out sooner, rather than later.
Is it your own opinion that he broke it off or is this an opinion she's been spreading among the circle of friends?
He seems selfish and short-sighted to me. Then again, when I was younger, I would have done the same. But at 29, I've lost track of the men and women my age and older who met someone in their twenties who end up telling someone (usually me if they know me) of how they met someone special in their twenties and let them go.
I'd bet my Louis Vuitton handbag collection that he will be crying into a shot of whiskey and whining about how he is single at 35, with no kids, living alone in a house/apartment and miserable.
Last May I met a man now 34 who is in this very same situation. Met the perfect woman at 25, but she didn't want to move but he did. He broke up with her. Now at 34, he makes good money but lives alone in his beach house, and is very sad and unhappy about what he has accumulated because he has no woman and no children to share it with.
It is not everyday in your life you will find someone special. A career is just a job that you might actually want to do, and not worth sacrificing someone special for. He could have gone to business school anywhere.
From experience, I can tell you, he will regret this later. I've lost track of the men and women who have done the same...and regretted it.
I know people who got married and had kids instead of pursuing a dream or goal and then resented the spouse or the kids. At least the people you know only made themselves unhappy, not spouses and kids. Plus I'm of the school of thought that as long as you're still living, it's still possible to find love. So these people could very well meet someone else. I think people tend to idealize certain exes.
Well, if he was willing to do a long distance relationship and she didn't want to, I would really see her as the one who was doing the breaking up. Long distance relationships aren't easy, but we're talking, what 2 years? I can understand her not wanting to move and even not wanting to do a LDR. I can also see him wanting to go to that particular school vs. local ones. IMO, the fact they couldn't come to a compromise that worked for both of them didn't bode well for marriage and I think it's good they found out sooner, rather than later.
Is it your own opinion that he broke it off or is this an opinion she's been spreading among the circle of friends?
It's what he told me. He said something to the effect that he needs someone who can keep up with him, willing to be flexible. Only thing I told him is that if he ever wanted to talk about it, I was all ears. I've got some thoughts about it but at the end of the day, he's a grown ass man, it's his life. I can see both sides to the story, but at the same time, the break up 2 weeks after their 1 year anniversary seemed sudden/rushed/short sighted. You have an entire year to figure this out.
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